Text;

[allyisun]

[Allison does her best to lock this post from any kids on board, but pretty drunk and mostly just squinting at people's icons to make her choices. Nico Robin and Peter Maximoff are definitely excluded. Just in case, she adds a disclaimer.]

THIS IS AN ADULT ONLY POST. IF U ARE UNDER 18 DO NOT READ.

ACTUALLY IF UR UNDER 20 DO NOT READ

OR 21?

okay but like shit is going down soon and it is absolutely imperative that I get laid

So I need someone to get laid with

OK?

Comments

VIDEO

[squadgoals]

[uwillregretthistomorrow.gif the post]

Uh huh.

Where are you, Allison? Are you at the bar? I'm coming to the bar.

Text;

[allyisun]

No

Maybe

Why you askin?

[action] - hope this is ok?

[gentlemenpreferblondes]

[Oh god, this is great. J is grinning widely behind the bar counter when her post goes up. Even though she and Allison were now in better terms than before thanks to the hair dye episode, she's still not going pass a chance to laugh at her stupid drunken mishaps.

Leaning over the counter, she passes her another drink (it's on the house!) and types her a text with her own MID:]

getting that desperate?

Works for me!

[allyisun]

[As far as Allison can tell, J's major skills are mixing drinks and making fun of people. She disapproves of being the recipient of both skills.

She idly takes the drink, repeatedly refreshing her Worst Dating Add. She squints for a moment, then looks up at J, responding verbally to the text.]

Shut up. Yes. We might die in a few days.

text;

[sketchycharacter]

it's been a while since i was single enough to rely on this but i'm pretty sure going to the bar and declaring your intentions would work

good luck i'm rooting for you

text;

[allyisun]

Already at the bar theres no one here just J

thank tho

[realitywarped]

Speaking as a person with more than a few regrets- you are going to regret this in the morning.

[Loki is feeling pretty smug though because hey, his person defrosted. Otherwise... yeah, he'd probably be about this desperate.]

Text;

[allyisun]

Won't have long to regret it if we all die in a few days

just sayin

text;

[arcreact]

[ You know who's not gonna judge you for drunken booty calling? TONY STARK. That said, this is very sloppily done. Please. ]

you should at least list your preferences, kid
don't slum just because the end of times is nigh

text;

[allyisun]

[Oh no, she didn't expect skill-testing questions when she made this post! Also she pretty much has the lowest standards...]

um like

a guy?? i guess???

Text

[tearsinajar]

You think it's bad now wait until you're married.

Text

[allyisun]

i'd hope that if I was married i'd be able 2 get laid

[peridork]

I don't understand what you're requesting.

[HEY, SHE'S OLDER THAN 20. LIKE, A LOT OLDER. Totally allowed to be here.]

[allyisun]

Um. Sex???

[Text]

[tearmeanewone]

[Congrats Allison, here's Liz.]

Where are you right now, Allison?

[...she asks because she's concerned Allison is going to make a poor choice when she doesn't know any better because that's not a sensitive subject for Elizabeth at all. Friends don't let friends make these kinds of mistakes if they can talk them out of it.]

[Text]

[allyisun]

[Oh no it's Liz. She's suddenly sweating heavily here and feeling embarrassed despite all the booze.]

Um. The bar?

text

[diamondslap]

My word.

text

[allyisun]

t(-_-t)

text;

[skelepun]

so is this drink ten or eleven?

[That was usually where happy and buzzed took a sharp left turn down Questionable Choices Lane.]

text;

[allyisun]

Um. Ask J?

[She hasn't really... been keeping track...]

text;

[a_shadow]

You get points for being blunt, but you lose points for desperation. In the end you get 0 points.

text;

[allyisun]

yeah wel u get 10000 points on the eat-a-dick-o-meter

video

[whatdidisay]

There are better ways to get laid than this.

( ivan knows. )

video

[allyisun]

never worked for me

Text - cw masturbation mention??

[inruins]

Dear, you can likely pleasure yourself far better than relying on someone who does not know your body the way you know it.

I'm sorry

[coolskeletonnyehntyfive]

PLEASURE? I THOUGHT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT EGGS! AFTER ALL, HOW ELSE WOULD SOMEONE HOPE TO 'GET LAID'??

text;

[goodluckkobra]

also feelin like I need a good fuck right about now ;)

TEXT [PRIVATE]

[squadgoals]

Hi there! I'm here representing the "friends don't let friends have regrettable drunken experiences" society of the Moira. We appreciate your interest at this time, please apply again when Allison's blood alcohol content has reached the more rounded number of zero.

[bosswald]

You'd think the MID would have some sort of app for this. Like space Tinder or something.

[allyisun]

I wish

all we've got is that weird dating game with the faces

again I'm really sorry

[coolskeletonnyehntyfive]

[He feels so very grown, at like 20, replying to this. Her slang is a bit esoteric, but he definitely solved this puzzle!]

NYEH HEH HEH! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN!

SUNNY SIDE UP, OR SCRAMBLED?

this is beautiful

[allyisun]

[Is this dirty monster slang or something??]

?????

shit now I rly want som scrambled eggs

With toast n bacon

text;

[neveroutwrenched]

i swear, if this doesnt finally free me of my reigning title of 'worst drunk post offender' on the ship, i'm filing some kind of formal complaint

because this is NEXT TIER shit-faced shit-posting

Text;

[allyisun]

hey shut up im not

I'm

Ur FUZZY

[Is that an attempt at an insult or did she just get distracted by his icon?]

[beautifulspaceraptor]

Allison.

Sweetheart.

[Actually, he's just going to take a moment to facepalm quietly now.]

[allyisun]

I don't like ur tone

[It's the 'you are making poor choices' tone and she doesn't want to hear it right now.]