Text;

[allyisun]

[Allison does her best to lock this post from any kids on board, but pretty drunk and mostly just squinting at people's icons to make her choices. Nico Robin and Peter Maximoff are definitely excluded. Just in case, she adds a disclaimer.]

THIS IS AN ADULT ONLY POST. IF U ARE UNDER 18 DO NOT READ.

ACTUALLY IF UR UNDER 20 DO NOT READ

OR 21?

okay but like shit is going down soon and it is absolutely imperative that I get laid

So I need someone to get laid with

OK?

Comments

HEH

[allyisun]

[Allison almost spits out her drink at Sans making dirty puns. Instead she claps a hand over her mouth and snorts it up her nose.

WHY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO HER.

After she finishes wheezing and clutching her nose and blinking tears away she texts back. While trying to smooth down her hair.]

UR ROTTEN

[skelepun]

[Well if you're gonna treat this place like your personal cattle auction, best to take the bull by the horns.

At her (completely accurate) assessment he lifts up his glass of oddly viscous liquid(?) and grins wider. You're welcome.]

any takers yet?

[allyisun]

[Allison let's out a sigh long and loud enough that it can undoubtedly be seen and heard from across the bar, before she slumps against the counter.]

no

[skelepun]

[Sans chuckles in response, something that also can probably be heard. Ah, the 21st century. A wonderful thing.]

maybe that's for the best, sweetheart. you're looking a little blue.

missing someone?

[allyisun]

no not rly

I just don't wanna like. miss my chance

[skelepun]

ah, so this is a virgin's plea.

[allyisun]

[Allison throws up her hands and shouts out loud.]

Why do people keep saying that?!

[Then she lets her head drop to the bar top with a dull thud.]

[skelepun]

[Sans winces from across the bar. It takes a moment, but eventually Allison might sense the barstool next to her is now much less empty.

No footsteps, of course, but that wasn't Sans' style.]

Probably because you keep saying things like miss my chance.

[allyisun]

I could mean miss my chance at one last lay, you don't know that.

[She's mumbling into the bar top now.]

[skelepun]

Sex that good, huh? [He asks, deeply skeptical.] Why not your chance at one last cheeseburger? In my experience, the two are pretty comparable.

[allyisun]

Uuuugh. Unnnnngh. Bluuuuuugh. [She knocks her head softly against the counter a couple of times.

Then finally admits...] At least I've had a cheeseburger...

[skelepun]

[Ah ha. Knew he had you pegged, kiddo.]

Imagine a cheeseburger in your pants. [Sans shrugs, swirling his drink for emphasis.] Like, literally. Sex is just warm and kinda gooey. And there's always a chance the burger has some sorta spicy mayo on it, so you're running the risk of burning the next morning.

[Man, he's really jonesing for a cheeseburger now. Luckily, this is a thing much easier to fix than Allison's forlorn virginity.]

Personally, I never really saw the driving appeal.

[allyisun]

[Allison turns to stare at Sans with the most disturbed look on her face.]

Oh. My god?? That was literally the worst description of sex I have ever heard.

...spicy mayo, I can't believe...

[And then with a loud snort she's suddenly cracking up.]