video.

[retrovirion]

[ so

GUESS WHO'S NERVOUS

also second, "guess who" but more literally, because this message contains only the TAB signature of one lady hawke - peter knows better than to connect his own TAB to his spider-man stuff, okay.

third guess (the charm) who's totally playing it off by being a cool guy, having totally hit record on the TAB remotely, so he's already squared off inside the video feed. congratulations to a head-and-shoulders view of some person in tight red and blue, head-to-apparently-toe spandex. as though spandex has any other possible adjective but 'tight'.

still, the same adjective could be applied to the posture, or at least what's visible. it's at least a... loose kind of tight? or something??

anyway, there's the kind of wave you do when you're either about to start a school project, or your great aunt josephine is giving you a thumbs up from afar for whatever weird family reunion cousin sack race you're about to do. ]

Hey everyone!

This is - [ uhh ] - just me. Spider-Man. Just saying, like. I think some people might have had some stuff missing when they evac'd, or whenever they tried to move around, I guess. Or maybe not, I - it's not like I talked to everyone. Either way, like. If you need stuff - your own stuff, please - moved around, or you want someone to keep an eye out for something, or you just need stuff - I can help with that! Or like if you need help getting here to there specifically, or have to move something really heavy, or - now I'm rambling, sorry. If you want help in general. I can't promise everything, but I can promise I'll try. At least, as much as I can.

[ that's what being a superhero is all about anyway, right? he's been slacking since he got here. ]

...........like, not just right now, I mean. All the time. I can be helpful all the time. This was a weird time to do this, wasn't it?

[ the feed cuts off a handful of hurriedly-over-analyzed seconds later. ]

Comments

audio;

[prorenataa]

I understood each individual word you spoke, but I'm fairly certain I have no idea what you were trying to say just now.

[ Peter, that was all kinda garbled. ]

audio;

[retrovirion]

[ can you hear the crest fall just a little bit? dip, maybe. ]

I'm not really used to public speaking. ...Was any of it okay?

audio, TAB signature reads "Tony Stark"

[otiosity]

Oh. So there's my TAB thief.

Also you don't look like a spider or a man or any such combination of the two. So. Maybe consider turning over a new leaf and stop TAB theft and get a new identity to boot.

audio, whoops

[retrovirion]

[ oh man oh man oh it's you whoops ]

I'm gonna give it back! Soon. Soonish. It's not like I could use mine. [ duh.

also, he points at the spider on his chest - ] Spider. [ - and then respectively like. A slightly different part of his chest. ] Man. Spider-Man. It makes more sense when I'm actually doing things.

text;

[notglitching]

[...]

Purpose?

text;

[retrovirion]

[ wow that other guy was right he apparently made no sense at all ]

help?

text;

[a_shadow]

What if I just want someone to help me clean house

text;

[retrovirion]

Uhh idk if you really want me doing that I'm not really that great at keeping things clean
As I've been told
Repeatedly
But I could maybe ask around for a good housekeeping company while I'm doing other things I guess??

text;

[greyate]

"Spider-Man"?

[ You're lucky you can't see the face she's making, Peter. ]

text;

[retrovirion]

[ he just came out to be a helpful guy and he's honestly feeling so attacked rn ]

You too?
I didn't actually pick out the name
The newspapers gave it to me without asking and now it's there

It's kind of cool though right?

video; identity theft ouroboros continues as the signature reads "Nathan Drake"

[arcreact]

[ It's incredible the amount of TAB theft that needs to happen for things to get done around here.

Fortunately, even with an incorrect username and a head-to-toe disguise, this kid is not remotely slick or subtle. It's incredible. He's living. ]

So... a superhero gig, in other words?

[ Color him surprised, except not really. This seems perfectly in character. ]

video. this is all becoming so much more than i even hoped :')

[retrovirion]

[ hey he's very good at living, okay

he's got a fifteen-straight-year combo running so far

also no one else is replying to him with video at all so he's like halfway into his first sentence before he realizes this isn't another audio feed and he's suddenly like really happy he didn't take his mask off to try and scratch that spot near his eye a couple minutes ago. Luckily, his "interesting speech mannerisms" probably mask his recovery. Also the mask. ]

Yeah, I'm basically a- I mean, like a sort of... Yeah. In other words. [ there's a mild pause with lots of thoughts happening all at once and then he just sort of does what he usually seems to do in moments like this: he says whatever words make him settle. ] That's what it's about, right? The little guy, the like... It doesn't always have to be aliens. Sometimes the impossible thing is getting the couch up to the seventh floor. If I can help with that, or keep someone from wrecking their back while they try instead, it's not... I can do more, I want to do more. But here? This is what I have right now.

Voice

[tearmeanewone]

...Can you condense what you're trying to say into one, maybe two sentences?

Voice

[retrovirion]

[ uhhhhhhhh ]

"If you need some kind of help, I might be able to give it"?

[VIDEO]

[kickeminthepistons]

[this is going to be two nerds slipping all over their words at each other]

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Rewind a bit. Spider Man? Sorta -- [she laughs] -- sorta having a hard time making the connection between spiders and moving.

Like, do you have little spider minions who can move stuff around for you?

[VIDEO]

[retrovirion]

[ oh boy ]

No like - [ god. maybe he shouldn't have introduced himself. but then, that was literally the point of the video, wasn't it? he's just... he's 100% not used to having to explain who he is. well like maybe 97% now, but that's almost beside the point, since even in that one outlier no one actually dissected his name - they just went with it and moved on.

honestly he wasn't expecting this kind of problem with this whole broadcast at all. a few others, sure, but. explaining a name he never actually picked in the first place? no, not really. ]

Like I can climb the side of buildings and move super heavy things and kind of... Swing around on this stuff that looks like webbing. [ sliiightly more defensive: ] I figured the whole 'heavy lifting' thing might help somewhere, mostly.

video; Tony has Nate's TAB, so this one reads as Elena Fisher

[sketchycharacter]

If you're trying to make some spare change, you need a better sales pitch, kid.

video; god the gift that just keeps on giving

[retrovirion]

[ u don't look much like an "elena" but okay, sure. maybe you don't feel like going into those issues yet. ]

I'm not trying to make money, I'm just trying to - I want to use what I can do to help people who can't do the same thing. [ ish. something like that anyway, but worded better. ]

video;

[ventifact]

[she just
stares
eyes a little squinted for a second
she doesn't know who this person is
and then:]

What the frack are you wearing?

video;

[retrovirion]

[ look okay this suit is cool, why can't anyone else tell. this is literally the coolest thing he owns, maybe that's ever happened to him

why does he keep having to defend it ]

It's my suit. [ two parts 'duh', one part 'why this' ]

video;

[monomachy]

[she looks a little confused, brows pitched together, but there's a small smile on her face anyway]

This is a kind thing to offer. But why would you call yourself Spider-Man? Are you some kind of ancient creature, part man and part spider?

video;

[retrovirion]

[ definitely mumbled: ] No but at this point that might be easier...

I call myself Spider-Man because I got called Spider-Man and once you're on the cover of the Daily Bugle there's really no way to say 'hey, I kind of prefer this instead'. [ you know what: ] Plus, I think it's cool. [ standing a little straighter and all that, because dammit, it's a cool name, okay. he's spider-man. ]

text

[gentlemenpreferblondes]

huh weird

and here i thought there wouldn't be way to downgrade your face.

text

[retrovirion]

[ W O W ]

You haven't even seen my face!!
What the hell
What did I do to you

video;

[el_paso]

[ Okay so he was gonna shoot off a text, but his reading glasses are back at the house, so fuck that. ]

Lemme guess, you're still pretty new at this whole-- [ a circular sweep of his palm over the screen- ] --masked hero bit, eh?

video;

[retrovirion]

Uhhh.

No?

[ is that remotely believable? he probably shouldn't have made it sound like a question. ]

Yes?? Measuring it in months still probably means 'yes', doesn't it?

video; Elena's stolen back her TAB from Nate, this is the REAL Elena Fisher

[tearsinajar]

You must be nervous.

[ That's what people do when they're nervous, right? They ramble? But Elena smiles; she still looks worn down, however her recovery is coming along nicely. ]

video;

[retrovirion]

[ ohhh okay. TAB theft, he's not unfamiliar with the concept. ]

I'm not nervous I'm just addressing like a hundred people personally all at once for the first time ever.

[ HE'S NERVOUS.

but you seem nice. and tired. ]

... You okay?