thisavrou | video.

[ so

GUESS WHO'S NERVOUS

also second, "guess who" but more literally, because this message contains only the TAB signature of one lady hawke - peter knows better than to connect his own TAB to his spider-man stuff, okay.

third guess (the charm) who's totally playing it off by being a cool guy, having totally hit record on the TAB remotely, so he's already squared off inside the video feed. congratulations to a head-and-shoulders view of some person in tight red and blue, head-to-apparently-toe spandex. as though spandex has any other possible adjective but 'tight'.

still, the same adjective could be applied to the posture, or at least what's visible. it's at least a... loose kind of tight? or something??

anyway, there's the kind of wave you do when you're either about to start a school project, or your great aunt josephine is giving you a thumbs up from afar for whatever weird family reunion cousin sack race you're about to do. ]

Hey everyone!

This is - [ uhh ] - just me. Spider-Man. Just saying, like. I think some people might have had some stuff missing when they evac'd, or whenever they tried to move around, I guess. Or maybe not, I - it's not like I talked to everyone. Either way, like. If you need stuff - your own stuff, please - moved around, or you want someone to keep an eye out for something, or you just need stuff - I can help with that! Or like if you need help getting here to there specifically, or have to move something really heavy, or - now I'm rambling, sorry. If you want help in general. I can't promise everything, but I can promise I'll try. At least, as much as I can.

[ that's what being a superhero is all about anyway, right? he's been slacking since he got here. ]

...........like, not just right now, I mean. All the time. I can be helpful all the time. This was a weird time to do this, wasn't it?

[ the feed cuts off a handful of hurriedly-over-analyzed seconds later. ]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I understood each individual word you spoke, but I'm fairly certain I have no idea what you were trying to say just now.

[ Peter, that was all kinda garbled. ]

Oh. So there's my TAB thief.

Also you don't look like a spider or a man or any such combination of the two. So. Maybe consider turning over a new leaf and stop TAB theft and get a new identity to boot.

[...]

Purpose?

[ can you hear the crest fall just a little bit? dip, maybe. ]

I'm not really used to public speaking. ...Was any of it okay?

[ oh man oh man oh it's you whoops ]

I'm gonna give it back! Soon. Soonish. It's not like I could use mine. [ duh.

also, he points at the spider on his chest - ] Spider. [ - and then respectively like. A slightly different part of his chest. ] Man. Spider-Man. It makes more sense when I'm actually doing things.

[ wow that other guy was right he apparently made no sense at all ]

help?

[ Oh good grief. It was like kicking a puppy.

Unseen is Adrien pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing his eyes. ]

The bit offering to be helpful all the time was ... a nice sentiment.

I understand. I wouldn't post publicly wearing something like that either.

[This might be audio but Hawke is deeply unimpressed. He can probably imagine her unimpressed face from here.]

What sort of things? Laying 1000s of eggs so little spider-men can come eat you alive? Being generally gross and creepy to look at? I mean that could be men or spiders so I guess that's two in one.

What if I just want someone to help me clean house

[ it's okay, the even minor amount of encouragement picks things right back up ]

I just figured like - things seem like they might be okay? Which is sort of when everybody always goes back inside and stops being as helpful; or maybe they're not calmer but it's sort of the kind of boring help that isn't really out there in the open but is just as... [ don't use another form of the word 'help', peter. ] ...nnnnecessary. [ nailed it. ]

[ .... ]

[........]

[..]

You have very interesting speech mannerisms.

[ he can, and he hopes she can imagine the deeply, deeply affronted look on his own face right now. ~~since he's apparently just shut his video off~~ ]

Wow, you don't even get to look at it anymore, because this suit is like, the coolest thing ever. [ well, second coolest. because Iron Man still exists. ]

Also wow, that's... Gross. Also reminds me of some old movie I don't remember but it's okay because I know you haven't seen it either. What about this suit is even creepy? It's not like I'm even dressed up as Batman, who can actually be a little out there.

[ ...... ]

Thanks?

[ then, both... mild apology (?) and explanation: ] I took Programming II instead of Rhetoric.

Uhh idk if you really want me doing that I'm not really that great at keeping things clean
As I've been told
Repeatedly
But I could maybe ask around for a good housekeeping company while I'm doing other things I guess??

[ And, oddly enough, that makes perfect sense. ]

For what it's worth, I hate speaking over these things. I usually write down what I intend to say, condense it and then have note cards just out of view.

That and I face the camera away, most of the time. [ For instances, their current conversation. ]

I know how to find help if I was going to pay for it.

That's... Yeah, I'll probably try and do something like that next time. [ that would probably help with some of the nerves and the rambling and the whole general coherency issue. yeahhhh ] I'll write that down somewhere for next time. I mean, if there is a next time. The camera part is probably useful for me though since there's the whole costume recognition thing going on. Some random voice over the network saying 'hey I'll help you move!' is kind of more creepy than at least actually seeing - [ welp, not a face. ] - a person.

[ plus, on a more over-thought-out side, peter does want people to look at the suit more than listen to his voice, since there's more likelihood that they'll recognize it as... well, his, if it's not at least partially connected to an image. ]

"Spider-Man"?

[ You're lucky you can't see the face she's making, Peter. ]

I can ask around for someone who just likes to clean???
Do people like that exist

[ he just came out to be a helpful guy and he's honestly feeling so attacked rn ]

You too?
I didn't actually pick out the name
The newspapers gave it to me without asking and now it's there

It's kind of cool though right?

I mean, it's not the worst one I've ever seen.

[The Iron Man armor is deffo the worst. Mostly because it belongs to Tony and it's hilarious to see him get cross about it.]

Not the suit. The idea of a Spider/Man. That's definitely the stuff of nightmares. Though you don't look like that sort of nightmare. More like someone suffering from poor fashion choices. And thievery. Perhaps you ought to get your own TAB or else we're both going to get yelled at by a man whose had too much coffee and gets cross easily. I've learned to tune it out though you'd get an earful.

I'm mostly teasing you.

My boyfriend is very private. We can afford help, he just doesn't like strangers in the house.

Did you pick out that costume?

[ Tho it is very tight looking, yes. Makes her question why spandex is a thing outside of aerobics classes. ]

And you don't sound like a "man".

[ You sound more like the guys around her age. ]

[ It's incredible the amount of TAB theft that needs to happen for things to get done around here.

Fortunately, even with an incorrect username and a head-to-toe disguise, this kid is not remotely slick or subtle. It's incredible. He's living. ]

So... a superhero gig, in other words?

[ Color him surprised, except not really. This seems perfectly in character. ]

[ hdu the iron man armor is the coolest thing in the world. probably. it definitely was until he got this suit, bc proximity to cool things drastically changes their placement on the list. ]

Okay, yeah, nightmares, but that's why I put myself on the camera! [ as of right now, it's definitely part of why he did it, yessir. ] So I'm obviously not a like. Weird arachnid-human hybrid.

[ although yeah he hadn't thought you'd go and steal someone else's to reply to him and he absolutely hadn't thought you'd steal mr. stark's bc who would steal from mr. stark, but. still! there were reasons! ] If I used mine then it would have my name on it. [ obviously. ]

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lmao jfc THAT'S RIGHT IT'S AUDIO i'm pretending he changes to audio here out of pure offense

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video; identity theft ouroboros continues as the signature reads "Nathan Drake"

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