video.

[retrovirion]

[ so

GUESS WHO'S NERVOUS

also second, "guess who" but more literally, because this message contains only the TAB signature of one lady hawke - peter knows better than to connect his own TAB to his spider-man stuff, okay.

third guess (the charm) who's totally playing it off by being a cool guy, having totally hit record on the TAB remotely, so he's already squared off inside the video feed. congratulations to a head-and-shoulders view of some person in tight red and blue, head-to-apparently-toe spandex. as though spandex has any other possible adjective but 'tight'.

still, the same adjective could be applied to the posture, or at least what's visible. it's at least a... loose kind of tight? or something??

anyway, there's the kind of wave you do when you're either about to start a school project, or your great aunt josephine is giving you a thumbs up from afar for whatever weird family reunion cousin sack race you're about to do. ]

Hey everyone!

This is - [ uhh ] - just me. Spider-Man. Just saying, like. I think some people might have had some stuff missing when they evac'd, or whenever they tried to move around, I guess. Or maybe not, I - it's not like I talked to everyone. Either way, like. If you need stuff - your own stuff, please - moved around, or you want someone to keep an eye out for something, or you just need stuff - I can help with that! Or like if you need help getting here to there specifically, or have to move something really heavy, or - now I'm rambling, sorry. If you want help in general. I can't promise everything, but I can promise I'll try. At least, as much as I can.

[ that's what being a superhero is all about anyway, right? he's been slacking since he got here. ]

...........like, not just right now, I mean. All the time. I can be helpful all the time. This was a weird time to do this, wasn't it?

[ the feed cuts off a handful of hurriedly-over-analyzed seconds later. ]

Comments

[otiosity]

I understand. I wouldn't post publicly wearing something like that either.

[This might be audio but Hawke is deeply unimpressed. He can probably imagine her unimpressed face from here.]

What sort of things? Laying 1000s of eggs so little spider-men can come eat you alive? Being generally gross and creepy to look at? I mean that could be men or spiders so I guess that's two in one.

lmao jfc THAT'S RIGHT IT'S AUDIO i'm pretending he changes to audio here out of pure offense

[retrovirion]

[ he can, and he hopes she can imagine the deeply, deeply affronted look on his own face right now. since he's apparently just shut his video off ]

Wow, you don't even get to look at it anymore, because this suit is like, the coolest thing ever. [ well, second coolest. because Iron Man still exists. ]

Also wow, that's... Gross. Also reminds me of some old movie I don't remember but it's okay because I know you haven't seen it either. What about this suit is even creepy? It's not like I'm even dressed up as Batman, who can actually be a little out there.

[otiosity]

I mean, it's not the worst one I've ever seen.

[The Iron Man armor is deffo the worst. Mostly because it belongs to Tony and it's hilarious to see him get cross about it.]

Not the suit. The idea of a Spider/Man. That's definitely the stuff of nightmares. Though you don't look like that sort of nightmare. More like someone suffering from poor fashion choices. And thievery. Perhaps you ought to get your own TAB or else we're both going to get yelled at by a man whose had too much coffee and gets cross easily. I've learned to tune it out though you'd get an earful.

[retrovirion]

[ hdu the iron man armor is the coolest thing in the world. probably. it definitely was until he got this suit, bc proximity to cool things drastically changes their placement on the list. ]

Okay, yeah, nightmares, but that's why I put myself on the camera! [ as of right now, it's definitely part of why he did it, yessir. ] So I'm obviously not a like. Weird arachnid-human hybrid.

[ although yeah he hadn't thought you'd go and steal someone else's to reply to him and he absolutely hadn't thought you'd steal mr. stark's bc who would steal from mr. stark, but. still! there were reasons! ] If I used mine then it would have my name on it. [ obviously. ]

[otiosity]

[Hawke makes a humming noise as if she finds that answer acceptable for now. Then she gasps a little.]

You mean your real name isn't Man-Spider? You just lied to all of us out here? How can we accept help from someone who lies about his name?

[retrovirion]

[ he's just furrowing his brow so much now he's so perturbed. not angry, somewhere around annoyed, but also trying to be patient since the whole identity-awareness thing is 100% one-sided right now

he likes cool aunt both much more and slightly less rn okay ]

Do you not have nicknames wherever you're from. [ 100% flat. ]

[otiosity]

We definitely have nicknames! But they're always very on the nose. Which is why if you were a man spider, everything would make much more sense.

[...To her anyway. She rubs at her nose idly before running a hand through her messy hair.]

So, why Spider-Boy? And why my TAB? I need it for work, you know.

[SHE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB.]

[retrovirion]

[ spider-man, why is this so difficult

anyway, the eyes on the mask narrow - not because of the name shift, but because she just said she needs her TAB for work. ]

What are you, some kind of social media consultant?

[otiosity]

Exactly.

I'm a consultant. People ask me things and I consult with them. I'm also a bodyguard.

[Things like "Hawke can you please stop puking in the vase in the entrance way?"]

[retrovirion]

[ still squinting bc he knows you but he can't figure out how to call you on your bullshit without making it super obvious but he really wants to ]

That's a weird set of skills.

[otiosity]

Which means that I'm never going to be out of a job. Sorry to the easily replaceable people with ordinary skills, but I've carved and staked claim into this niche.

[She's used to being squinted at. So even if he's a weird guy in a suit its like whatevs.]

[retrovirion]

[ sadly he is familiar enough with her to realize retroactively that squinting at her as a sort-of-superhero isn't going to have much of an effect, even though it dEFINITELY SHOULD OKAY :| ]

I said "weird". I didn't say "unique". You're combining 'nerd' with 'bully'. That's like. Everyone. It's weird that you have them both.