01 | Video

[takeitslow]

[The video jumps around a little, shaky as he moves around the rec area. Thankfully he's going at a pace that can actually be seen by the human eye. The screen is just a shaky shot of the pool area, jerking a bit as he speaks.]

So, the pool. That's a really nice touch. Almost makes up for us being stuck in space. But, you know, I'm going to give it to you guys because I've always wanted a pool- well a bigger pool. We had one of those blow up kiddie things, but no one over the age of eight wants to be caught dead in that thing. Anyway, this. This is a step towards making this place less like a weird prison sentence.

What's not cool, on like the top ten list of really screwed up things about this place, is what you're lacking. You do have some issues with with rabid dogs and apparently you guys blew up a planet, like what? And while I'd really like to punch whatever lost my headphones, hey. I'll live. But the worst thing?

[Peter finally comes into view, a frowning mess of silver hair and bad fashion.]

I've not found a single Twinkie in this place. No Ding Dongs, no Ho Hos. Not even a Sno Ball. You guys are really killing me here.

Comments

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[seeingscarlet]

I have never heard of these. What are they?

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[takeitslow]

Twinkies? You don't know about snack cakes?

[Absolute travesty]

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[seeingscarlet]

No. [She has to stifle a laugh.] I would remember a name like that.

[vengeance_driven]

I know! Those were the best thing about coming to America! I had to stock up on terrible caffeine sodas the last chance I had, and now I feel I must ration it.

[takeitslow]

Dude! You managed to get sodas on board?

[vengeance_driven]

Yeah, I had them leftover from the last ship I was on. All my shit came in the mail, including the soda. It was Mountain Dew, which is different from the brands I know from home but it did the job.

[And tasted awful but he wasn't in it for exquisite flavor.]

[niffin]

Tell me we're not re-enacting Old Yeller.

[ Dear lord. ]

[takeitslow]

Well I'm not saying load the shotgun, but somethings have got to be dealt with. Strictly. Swiftly. Violence to be met with violence. Or at least get the leash out.

[niffin]

I vote leash. Where did you find a rabid dog? All I've seen is cats.

[ Note to self: Keep cat in room. ]

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[gentlemenpreferblondes]

[FINALLY SOMEONE SPEAKS HER LANGUAGE]

Seriously. The lack of sweets on this ship makes me depressed. Though I've heard that they keep chocolate hidden somewhere in Cargo Bay?

[ok the last part might or might not be true]

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[takeitslow]

[He shares your pain.]

And here I was hoping you guys were going to tell me there was a secret stash in the kitchen and was I was flying blind.

[Wait. Cargo bay? The video blurs as he runs down that way.]

You got any ideas where or am I just going to tear this place up?

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[smoothaf]

[Napoleon doesn't recognise all the sweets he's listed off since he's from the 60's, but the ones he does give him enough context.]

You don't look like someone who needs more sugar.

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[takeitslow]

Lies! Slander! Libel? I totally need the sugar. I'm a growing boy, you know.

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[knaval]

I don't know what any of those are, but I get the feeling I'm agreeing with you.

[there's like no robot food it SUCKS.]

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[takeitslow]

You don't know either? Dude, if I find some I'm going to have to show everyone. Too many people here have been deprived. But of course you agree with me. I'm very agreeable. And right, in this case.

[skatebird]

[ Pater raises an excellent point on the lack of snack food, but even so there's something more pressing that catches Yata's attention. ]

The hell? They lost my headphones, too!

[ Clearly these people have something against headphones. ]

[takeitslow]

Dude! Seriously? It's a conspiracy. These people have some kind of problem with music or something.

[keelahselai]

...Are those euphemisms for something?

[The woman on the video is quite clearly an alien - purplish skin, glowing white eyes. That's her excuse here, OK.]

[takeitslow]

[More alien chicks. Ignore the dumb smile Peter is plastering on for her. He thinks its charming.]

For happiness, maybe.

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[foggybear]

[ Wow nice hair kid ]

Forget that, they don't have a decent substitute for bacon. I mean it's bacon-esque but it doesn't taste right. I vote we riot.

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[takeitslow]

[Thanks he gets it from his dad]

Yes! Dude, I'm for it. Destroy the dining hall, hold the chefs hostage till they deliver our demands. You get the pitch forks and I'll start some fires.

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[leanandgreen]

Now you have me wondering if maybe I can try and make some kind of twinkie equivalent in the kitchens here.

[Pause.]

It might be kinda hard with all these alien ingredients, though...

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[takeitslow]

Do it. Do it, do it, doooo it. You'd be a lifesaver man.

Also, dude. You're green. Really green. You another alien? Not that I care. Just saying. That's a lot of green.

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[whatdidisay]

Those can't be real things.

( he is ignoring most of this for that last part, because what. )

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[takeitslow]

Shows what you know, dude. Completely real, this place just sucks too much to have them. And, like, do you always go around accusing people of lying like that? Not cool.