thisavrou | 01

[The video jumps around a little, shaky as he moves around the rec area. Thankfully he's going at a pace that can actually be seen by the human eye. The screen is just a shaky shot of the pool area, jerking a bit as he speaks.]

So, the pool. That's a really nice touch. Almost makes up for us being stuck in space. But, you know, I'm going to give it to you guys because I've always wanted a pool- well a bigger pool. We had one of those blow up kiddie things, but no one over the age of eight wants to be caught dead in that thing. Anyway, this. This is a step towards making this place less like a weird prison sentence.

What's not cool, on like the top ten list of really screwed up things about this place, is what you're lacking. You do have some issues with with rabid dogs and apparently you guys blew up a planet, like what? And while I'd really like to punch whatever lost my headphones, hey. I'll live. But the worst thing?

[Peter finally comes into view, a frowning mess of silver hair and bad fashion.]

I've not found a single Twinkie in this place. No Ding Dongs, no Ho Hos. Not even a Sno Ball. You guys are really killing me here.

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I have never heard of these. What are they?

I know! Those were the best thing about coming to America! I had to stock up on terrible caffeine sodas the last chance I had, and now I feel I must ration it.

Twinkies? You don't know about snack cakes?

[Absolute travesty]

Dude! You managed to get sodas on board?

Yeah, I had them leftover from the last ship I was on. All my shit came in the mail, including the soda. It was Mountain Dew, which is different from the brands I know from home but it did the job.

[And tasted awful but he wasn't in it for exquisite flavor.]

No. [She has to stifle a laugh.] I would remember a name like that.

Oh, Wanda. They're, like, the best. Cake with cream in them, ugh. And there's chocolate ones too. And the Sno Balls are coconut, they're okay. But Twinkies! You've got to have a Twinkie someday. It's like a religious experience.

Ugh, yeah. It's no Coke. But like, hey. At least you're getting the sugar man. I'm having some serious withdrawals. Death by lack of corn syrup. Remember me fondly.

Tell me we're not re-enacting Old Yeller.

[ Dear lord. ]

[FINALLY SOMEONE SPEAKS HER LANGUAGE]

Seriously. The lack of sweets on this ship makes me depressed. Though I've heard that they keep chocolate hidden somewhere in Cargo Bay?

[ok the last part might or might not be true]

Well I'm not saying load the shotgun, but somethings have got to be dealt with. Strictly. Swiftly. Violence to be met with violence. Or at least get the leash out.

[He shares your pain.]

And here I was hoping you guys were going to tell me there was a secret stash in the kitchen and was I was flying blind.

[Wait. Cargo bay? The video blurs as he runs down that way.]

You got any ideas where or am I just going to tear this place up?

I vote leash. Where did you find a rabid dog? All I've seen is cats.

[ Note to self: Keep cat in room. ]

Boo.

Walking around the ship. Big, black, dumb helmet and weird circle thingies. Real mean. Growled a lot. Probably bites. Watch out.

[A big grin. He's talking about a person.]

Alas, no such thing. There's some sugar-y things that they use for cooking but no pastr--

[Wait.

Wasn't he in rec room just a second ago?? How did he-- wait no, focus on the sweets here.]

Um ah. No, not really. I've been there only couple of times and I'm pretty sure that the workers down there don't appreciate someone going through all the stuff.

[ Oh, thank god. ]

Boo is for ghosts. If you can get a leash on one of those, I'll really find you some twinkies. How mean's mean?

Dude, you promise me cakes and I'll leave it hogtied in your room. Just find me ghost and I'll make it work. No problem.

Mean as in stabby. Wait, you can't stab with a circle, right? Maybe I should just say murdery. Not sure if he was actually trying to kill me, but he ruined my shirt so that guy's a public menace.

Sucks man. I know. Saw the kitchens. Nothing good around. Must be planning to bland us to death.

[He laughs.]

Who said anything about letting them catch me at it?

Call it a standing order, then. Find a ghost, shoot me a heads-up, and we'll talk cake.

Crimes against fashion are pretty serious. [ As are, you know, actual crimes. But keeping it light seems to be working better here. ] Are you sure this was another crewmate?

[Oh. That laugh makes her smile mischievously.]

Hey, if you can really do that then be my guest and go nuts. Turn the place upside down.

That doesn't sound hard to make, even with different flavors. Maybe we should try someday.

Really? You can cook? Wait I know that. [This memory business is tricky.] I can't cook. You gonna show me? I mean, yes we should do that.

Dont need an invitation for that. [Hes scoping out the room anyway. Waiting for a mostly clear so it's easier to get around.] Thanks for the tip though, I was going crazy. Might even bring you some if I find any.

Oh honey. You better bring me some. [Because she'll definitely get him in trouble otherwise.]

You know what would also be great? Coca Cola. Though asking for that might be stretching it.

Totally will. How hard has it got to be to find a ghost? Easy peasy.

Who knows? Haven't seen it again. Maybe we've been boarded by vicious dog aliens with a grudge against great bands.

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