01 | Video

[takeitslow]

[The video jumps around a little, shaky as he moves around the rec area. Thankfully he's going at a pace that can actually be seen by the human eye. The screen is just a shaky shot of the pool area, jerking a bit as he speaks.]

So, the pool. That's a really nice touch. Almost makes up for us being stuck in space. But, you know, I'm going to give it to you guys because I've always wanted a pool- well a bigger pool. We had one of those blow up kiddie things, but no one over the age of eight wants to be caught dead in that thing. Anyway, this. This is a step towards making this place less like a weird prison sentence.

What's not cool, on like the top ten list of really screwed up things about this place, is what you're lacking. You do have some issues with with rabid dogs and apparently you guys blew up a planet, like what? And while I'd really like to punch whatever lost my headphones, hey. I'll live. But the worst thing?

[Peter finally comes into view, a frowning mess of silver hair and bad fashion.]

I've not found a single Twinkie in this place. No Ding Dongs, no Ho Hos. Not even a Sno Ball. You guys are really killing me here.

Comments

[knaval]

Organic stuff, specifically. This ship isn't exactly overflowing with the different types of energon...

[WORRYING, but not something riptide is willing to consciously think about. haha ignore the problems.]

Just wait until they catch on. Introduce them to different planets! Spot me some money when you're rich. I'm short.

[takeitslow]

So, what's that mean for you?

Dude, come on. What do you need money for? You don't eat. You look like that. Pretty sure you can just take whatever you want.

[knaval]

Look like what? You callin' me ugly or something?

[PAL U WANNA GO]

--oh. The giant-- yeah. No, that's not really the Autobot MO. More like, ask politely. Then maybe try to barter. Boring bureaucratic stuff.

[takeitslow]

No, I'm talking about you being a robot. [There's a few second pause in which Peter looks vaguely concerned.] You do know you're a robot right? That's not something that this freaky space place did to you? Because if so, ew and I'm kind of pissed they didn't give me that option.

[knaval]

Wh-- I'm a robot?! A giant, metal robot??? Why didn't you tell me that earlier?!

[he puts a hand on his forehead dramatically.]

Oh, my poor, beautiful fleshy body! Woe!

[takeitslow]

Dude are you taking the piss out on me?

[He's laughing, despite himself.]

Come on, you don't just not notice that.

[knaval]

Oh noooo--!

Yeah, no. Totally. Kinda hard to notice when you hit your head off every door frame.

[takeitslow]

Oh shoot. Right. This place has to be kind claustrophobic for you. And weird with all us fleshy types running around.

[knaval]

Eh, it's not too bad. I mean, I'm expected to do mess hall duty which I'm not sure how that's gonna work.

[he snorts.]

Can you imagine that? Some giant guy crouched over the cafeteria line thing with a tiny little net on his head? Oh, man. I should talk to someone about that.

[takeitslow]

Wait, like, you're not cooking it? Cause, I don't want to sound, um, species-ist. But, if you can't taste, I don't think you should cook. I mean, I guess serving it is okay. But how are you going to hold the spoons and stuff?

[knaval]

I'll let it slide this once. And no, I can't imagine they'd let me cook it. I literally have no idea what humans eat, anyway. Other than... burgers? I saw that in a movie once. No idea what they're made of.

[takeitslow]

Meat and cheese and bread. They're kind of awesome. But, like, we eat other stuff. Like cake and beef jerky and corn chips. And soda. And other things I guess.

But we also got some people who aren't human around, so. No idea what they eat.

[knaval]

Nutrient paste?

[takeitslow]

Whatever that is it sounds three kinds of gross.

[knaval]

I wouldn't know. It's not something I'd ever need to consume.

[he says, tempting fate.]

Watch out for the food losing colour. That's when they'll phase it in.

[takeitslow]

Let's hope they rest of us won't have to either.

Phase it? You mean it's spoiled.

[knaval]

Phase it in like, sorry crew, the food due to last until next month has gone off. Please eat this paste instead! We'll fix it next time. I've seen your human science fiction movies, I think I know my stuff.

[movies, riptide. fiction.]

[takeitslow]

You watch movies and think you understand human food culture? Checks out to me. But actually, food can be used way past its prime. Just cause the date says its spoiled, doesn't mean you can't eat it. Just might taste weird.

[Or send you to the medbay.]