01 | Video

[takeitslow]

[The video jumps around a little, shaky as he moves around the rec area. Thankfully he's going at a pace that can actually be seen by the human eye. The screen is just a shaky shot of the pool area, jerking a bit as he speaks.]

So, the pool. That's a really nice touch. Almost makes up for us being stuck in space. But, you know, I'm going to give it to you guys because I've always wanted a pool- well a bigger pool. We had one of those blow up kiddie things, but no one over the age of eight wants to be caught dead in that thing. Anyway, this. This is a step towards making this place less like a weird prison sentence.

What's not cool, on like the top ten list of really screwed up things about this place, is what you're lacking. You do have some issues with with rabid dogs and apparently you guys blew up a planet, like what? And while I'd really like to punch whatever lost my headphones, hey. I'll live. But the worst thing?

[Peter finally comes into view, a frowning mess of silver hair and bad fashion.]

I've not found a single Twinkie in this place. No Ding Dongs, no Ho Hos. Not even a Sno Ball. You guys are really killing me here.

Comments

[takeitslow]

Something weird? Something dirty? Probably what you were thinking, be honest.

[keelahselai]

Both. I think it was both. [The slightest pause, and then she hurries on like she's explaining herself.] I mean - ding dongs and ho hos, what else was I going to... [She gestures vaguely with one hand. There's actually some movement as she nearly gestures with the other hand too.]

[takeitslow]

[Peter starts laughing, covering his face for a moment.]

I don't think I've heard anyone joke about it like that since middle school. Who would even call it a ding dong anymore? No, no. It's just dumb names made up by some idiot at the company.

[keelahselai]

[The laughter is infectious, and she ends up laughing too - trying to stifle it as she protests.] I thought that, but I've never heard of humans calling snacks anything like that.

So what are they, really? [Snacks, obviously. She means what kind - she doesn't get to eat snack food much, she's living vicariously here.]

[takeitslow]

[At least he's made someone in this post happy. win/win]

You've not hung out with enough humans, clearly. But, like, they're cakes. You know cake right? Mostly they're cakes with cream in them. The Ding Dongs and Ho Hos are chocolate. Twinkies are, uh, vanilla I guess. Sno Balls have coconut. All amazing. Completely addictive.

[keelahselai]

I probably just don't know enough humans from the right time period. Maybe in the future humans are giving their snack food normal names.

[...She pauses and thinks about that for a second.] Although probably not.

Anyway, I'm a little glad we don't have anything like that on board most of the time. I'd live on it.

[takeitslow]

Humans in the future sound kind of boring. I weep for humanity. [There's some exaggerated groaning and rubbing his eyes.]

Got a sweet tooth, sweetheart?

[keelahselai]

I'm afraid so. They've really gone downhill in the past three hundred years or so. [Actually, she doesn't think humans are boring at all. But to say that would be to deprive herself of watching Peter put on a great show of lamenting it. She's trying to look dramatically sympathetic, but her mouth is twitching.

She has to stifle a laugh all over again at 'sweetheart' (that's not something she's ever heard).] A sweet tooth? I would if I had the chance. I couldn't even eat snack food before I got here - that might be a good thing, come to think about it.

[takeitslow]

Too bad. Figures my time would be the peak of our existence. I mean, we already lost Hendrix. It was all going to be down hill from there. [He sighs, shaking his head slowly. A hand goes over his heart.] At least I may die before I see the worst of it.

Oh, you are killing me. Never? Not even a little junk to pass the time? Chips? Soda? The bad, cheep candy old people give out on Halloween?

[keelahselai]

Hendrix? [What's one of those and how did you lose it.]
Anyway, think of it this way - you can spend your time here saving humanity from a terrible, terrible fate. [Tali's still not good at this acting sad and desperate thing, but as she presses a two-fingered hand to her mouth as if holding back tears, it's obvious she's trying here.]

A little chocolate? As long as it was sterilised first and I swear that took some of the flavour out of it... But I had an immune disorder, so it was all sterile, nutritious rations and military MREs. Those all tasted exactly as good as they sound.

[takeitslow]

Hendrix. [Sigh.] Best guitarist ever.

Ugh. That sounds like work though. I mean, if it happens in the future it's not going to effect me right? Just, like, my great grandkids.

[The fake disappoint just turned real.] Oh, dude, really? Shit. That sucks. Like, sorry about your illness but, geez. That's the worst.

[keelahselai]

Oh! [Music. Right. She knows this. (A little)] I've never heard of them, but I've heard some of, ah... [She'll get this right.] Queen and...David something...

['David something'. Nailed it.]

It's fine - apparently when you've got the technology to move people around between dimensions, you've got the tech to fix their weird medical problems as well. I actually found a bright side to my own kidnapping.

[takeitslow]

The only Queen I know of is the one in England. [Guess who was taken a few months shy of that debut album?] Bet you the David guy is Bowie. He's had a few hits back home.

Well, hey. Congrats. You can now enjoy all the junk food we can find around here. If we can find any.

[keelahselai]

Right, David Bowie! [She's thoughtful for a moment about the Queen thing.] I wonder if it's a time thing. Maybe they're not making music yet, or... or they're long gone and no one remembers them.

[Time gets really stupid when you're between universes.]

Right, whenever we get any. Now it just means I can eat meat in meals whenever I want. Most of the time I don't want to.

[takeitslow]

Or one of those alternate universe things. Maybe they just don't exist where I'm from but do where you are?

[He really doesn't get this stuff either.]

What do you mean don't want to? You don't like eating? [He's a teenage boy. He can't imagine not always being hungry.]

[keelahselai]

I don't even know if they ever existed where I am. My boyfriend showed me them, and he's not from the same universe either.

[She's been dealing with this for well over a year now and it's not much closer to being clear to her. Who knows?]

I mean... [Her face twists.] Meat's kind of disgusting. The texture is just... [Her hand waves vaguely within shot. Maybe the grimace and the gesturing together will get across the profound weirdness of it to her.]

[takeitslow]

[He mouths "boyfriend" with a slight, momentary frown. Just his luck all the alien chicks around here aren't interested.] Oh. Well, who even knows? Did they suck?

Dude, what? What about bacon? Have you had bacon? You can't dis meat without trying that first. It's like the holy grail of breakfast.