video. 001.

[whatdidisay]

( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.

well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )

Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—

( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )

I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.

He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.

( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )

Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.

( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )

So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.

ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.

Comments

video; private

[lets_see_what_happens]

Ivan.

[Gregor's voice is dangerously pleasant and his eyes are frosty.]

What the hell do you think you're doing?

video; private

[whatdidisay]

( oh fuck. ok, time to be serious here so he doesn't piss off his emperor any more. )

You can't seriously tell me you don't want to enjoy this time away from both m'mother and Barrayar, Gregor. Since when have you ever had the chance to just date someone? It's fun, there's no commitment.

Just try it, okay?

video; private

[forwardmomentum]

[ miles' voice is just one long, angry snarl. he looks livid. ]

Ivan.

video; private

[whatdidisay]

( oh, here's the cousin he doesn't care about upsetting. )

If you're going to jump down my throat about Elizabeth and every other woman I've slept with here simply because you can't get some, then I'm fixing the problem.

audio; private

[hellsbel]

[the feed takes up a moment or two with indeterminate muffled sounds. when the voice comes through, it's difficult to tell whether it's choked with anger or hilarity.]



.....You named the cat after his grandfather?

audio; private

[whatdidisay]

You know, private feeds destroy the point of this post.

( DEEP SIGH HI BEL PLEASE DON'T BE ANGRY WITH HIM )

And my Great Uncle, yeah.

Text

[tearmeanewone]

[...oh.]

[So Miles didn't have anybody he'd like to ask on a date. Including her, apparently, probably because she isn't 'sexually creative' enough for him. Well, he can't help that, he likes what he likes and she's... just not it.]

[Elizabeth is very new to this dating and liking-people-in-a-romantic-way, so much so that this is the first time she's felt... mild heartbreak? At the very least, she feels sad for being passed over, but they could be friends still, probably.]

[...why did Greg want five children? Elizabeth shudders at the thought of being pregnant for forty-five months at least, such a woman would have to be a masochist.]

Good luck to you both!

[Because that's what friends did-- encourage them to find someone or something that made them happy. Even if it stung a little.]

text

[whatdidisay]

Thank you for a positive response, Elizabeth. I'm sure they'll both find someone eventually.

( god no, that's what they have uterine replicators for now. no woman every has to be pregnant again.

he does kind of miss everything else she's feeling though, blissfully unaware. )

Text

[lets_see_what_happens]

Thank you, Elizabeth. It's true I'd prefer my relatives to have a single gram of common sense in their heads over any amount of luck, but I've given up on praying for the impossible and I think luck will have to do.

text; private

[forwardmomentum]

[ oh god. oh god. miles has been doing his damnedest to get over elizabeth -- to mend a litle heartbreak from something that hadn't even happened -- and now this. could this get any worse? he's going to get his hands around ivan's stupid, smug neck, and...

god. no. she's going to think he's desperate, and there isn't anything worse than that. he really, really doesn't want elizabeth to think any less of him for this. ]

Elizabeth, I assure you, I did not ask him to do this!

Text;

[seeingscarlet]

[Wow okay this is...different. That's a good word for it.]

I do not think they will thank you for this

Text;

[lets_see_what_happens]

An astute observation. A pity it hadn't occurred to Ivan earlier, but alas.

text;

[whatdidisay]

They never thank me for anything, actually. Even when I'm pulling their asses out of a fire, although that only qualifies for one of them.

[voice]

[wordstoliveby]

[ Enjoy a very dry and rather disapproving tone of voice, Ivan. ]

...Somehow I doubt you asked permission before posting such personal details, Mr. Vorpatril. Bad form.

[voice]

[whatdidisay]

( is that what having a father sounds like? ivan doesn't know, he's never had a dad. )

It's Lieutenant Lord Vorpatril, technically. ( he corrects without a snide overtone or a hint of annoyance. because he isn't. ) Why, when they would have said no? It's not like Miles is doing anything to fix a problem he's taken out on me.

[voice]

[lets_see_what_happens]

He did not, as a matter of fact.

[Gregor's voice is cool and composed, but not annoyed. To be honest, he's sort of enjoying people getting on Ivan's case for him, if only for reasons of efficiency.]

text; totally private

[commontype]

So Miles is lookin' for a date? I got someone in mind, but you gotta tell me. Does it have to be a woman?

text; the most private

[whatdidisay]

( ivan blinks, and if this were video, would almost looks scandalized at the thought. miles? into men and/or herms? blame barrayar for being backwards and barbaric. )

Er. What?

Audio

[vengeance_driven]

Ivan. You are such a cousin.

[That is the helpful content of this response. Roman did this to him. And it turned out terribly!]

Audio

[lets_see_what_happens]

I haven't decided whether that's a good thing or not.

Audio

[whatdidisay]

Hey Niko! It seems to be turning out reasonably well so far.

( gregor's talking to a girl. eggsy is going to hook miles up with someone. it's a goddamn success. )

video;

[heliakal]

[ Clark clears his throat. He definitely wasn't laughing just now, nope. ] So how's it going, cupid?

video;

[whatdidisay]

Well Gregor's talked to two women of his own free will, and has held a conversation longer with them than I've ever seen him with any other unless it was strictly business. And something on the side for my other cousin, so--

( he grins. )

Better than I expected, and better than they expected, too.

video;

[lets_see_what_happens]

Kindly refrain from encouraging him, please.

[Gregor sounds deeply aggrieved, but he doesn't argue with Ivan's initial assessment either.]

[text]

[hirotohero]

That seems... really specific. Plus kind of tmi.

[text]

[whatdidisay]

He's got a really specific type.



What's 'tmi'?