thisavrou | video. 001.

( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.

well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )

Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—

( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )

I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.

He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.

( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )

Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.

( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )

So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.

ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.

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Since he was four. His grandfather died, his dad was already dead. Uncle Aral's got a better claim to it, according to some, but-- ( ivan sighs, and figures he might as well explain the whole damn family tree. he's not used to this -- everyone knows this on barrayar. ) I've never had to explain this before, so just-- you know, draw it all on a flimsy or whatever. My great-grandfather, and Miles', was Prince Xav Aral Vorbarra. Son of Emperor Dorca and half brother to Emperor Yuri. Yuri didn't have any kids, at least none left alive by the time he became Emperor, and Xav had three -- two daughters and a son, and all of them had kids.

So, because we don't call him Mad Emperor Yuri for nothing, he decided to kill off the rest of his family in one go on the same night. My dad's first birthday. He, Uncle Aral, and Prince Xav were the only ones to survive -- and General Count Piotr Vorkosigan, who married one of Xav's daughters. ( STILL WITH HIM, CLARK? ) Which was a stupid thing to do, considering that the old General Count grabbed a distant Vorbarra cousin and teamed up with Prince Xav to overthrow Yuri. They succeeded, by the way -- the distant Vorbarra cousin was Gregor's grandfather. Anyway, Yuri ends up dismembered and scalped and Emperor Ezar marries Yuri's sister to help strengthen his claim to the camp stool.

But there's still all three of us, still hanging around. And Gregor won't name any of us as heir because he doesn't want us dead as much as we don't want him dead.

( he's third, clark. third. )

Yeah. Miles too, and Uncle Aral. None of us want it, and Gregor's the one that has to deal with it.

[ Clark is starting to wonder if he'll ever hear much of anything positive about Barrayar. He drags his tablet over so he can make a quick sketch with the hand that isn't taken over by his MID. Clark seems to have no trouble at all following along, but his expression is pinched in a way that belays a kind of carefully controlled calm. His stylus goes still, briefly, at the mention of dismemberment and scalping, then continues.

It's not the first time he's heard of something like this, but not in any kind of modern context. ]

Possible dismemberment is certainly a compelling reason to avoid the... camp stool. If this is the kind of mess the royal family has been mixed up with, I can't imagine the rest of Barrayar. [ He taps his stylus against the tablet lightly, thinking. ] You said your father survived the initial attack - wouldn't he also have a claim?

Edited 2016-01-19 18:54 (UTC)

Sure. If he wasn't killed later.

( straight and to the point. why bother trying to pretend otherwise. )

For exactly that reason, I'm guessing? I'm sorry. [ Sincerely meant, though his voice doesn't waver. He lost his father too, but it was a long time ago now, and not for a reason that was anything like this.

He knows it's not his home, he shouldn't get too involved, but it's hard to just accept that things like this just happen anywhere. ]

How old were you?

( this is the worst conversation and ivan doesn't want to talk about it. he appreciates the sincerity as much as he can, even though ivan does his best to act like it's just a thing that happened rather than something that informs his world view.

ah, barrayaran politics. )

A few hours from being born.

( closer, even, but ivan doesn't know all the details. are they done talking about this? )

[ Clark leans back in his chair and cards his fingers through his hair, but there's not a lot he can say to that. It does shed some light on certain things, though...

After a long moment he says: ] So you try to be unremarkable enough to stay alive, but you're too decent of a person to entirely turn a blind eye.

( no one in ivan's life has ever pinned him so accurately to his face; he avoids his aunt for this reason exactly -- there's a blink and you miss it flash of panic over his face before it recedes into his eyes before even that fades. the grin he gives clark is as vapid and as affable as any he's ever given the other man, the picture of someone no one would trust with three entire planets. )

Now I know you haven't been talking to Miles enough if that's what you think. ( not gregor, because even ivan knows he can't fool his other cousin -- he's not stupid enough to try. ) Ask him why he thought Ivan was my middle name until we were twelve.

And, more importantly, if you've got any suggestions for him--?

( to try and date, that is. )

Miles is a good man, but he doesn't know as much as he thinks he does. [ Clark says, mildly. It's less of a statement about Miles than it is about Ivan. He didn't miss the flicker of panic either, so for the moment it's all he's going to say on the subject. ]

I'll be sure to let you know if I think of anyone.

I'd like to see you tell that to his face, if you get the chance. Just to see his expression.

( ivan doesn't mean it out of cruelty, just as a fact of life and sweet, sweet satisfaction at seeing his cousin squirm. )

Thanks Clark.

video. 001.

private

i cannot believe i drew out this family tree

i have, you could have just asked

IT'S TOO LATE NOW

NOT MY PROBLEM

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