thisavrou | video. 001.

video. 001.

( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.

well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )

Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—

( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )

I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.

He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.

( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )

Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.

( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )

So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.

ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.

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Kindly refrain from encouraging him, please.

[Gregor sounds deeply aggrieved, but he doesn't argue with Ivan's initial assessment either.]

[ All Gregor gets is this innocent boy scout smile. ]

[ It's been a short while since his discussion with Ivan. Clark is still in his cabin, mulling things over, but thankfully it's empty enough to have a private discussion. The direct route seems like the best one in a situation like this, so he pulls up the last reply from Gregor's MID. ]

Hey, do you have a minute to talk? There's something we need to discuss - privately.

[Gregor stares down at his MID for a moment, a kind of nauseating anxiety thrilling through him briefly--he remembers the last time Clark wanted to have a private chat, knocking on the door of their quarters with a grave expression on his face.]

Certainly. Here, or in person?

[ Clark considers this a moment. ]

In person. [ He's already getting to his feet, but he takes in Gregor's expression before adding: ] It's not bad news, exactly. I'll meet you there?

...all right. See you in a few.

[Gregor doesn't relax, exactly, but he looks... slightly less tense. Nobody else is in their room so he settles in to wait.]

[ Clark takes a few minutes to get from his quarters to Gregor's. He knocks on the door. The last time he'd been here was to deliver the news about Miles, and then to drop something off to be burnt for his funeral - it's hard to forget. ]

Greg? It's Clark.

[The door slides open on Gregor's stuff posture and pale face. He steps back and let's Clark inside.]

Please, come in.

[ Clark steps inside and waits for Gregor to shut the door. He doesn't look nearly as somber as he did on the occasions before this; he's wearing his crew uniform, his shoulders slack, his hands tucked into his pockets.

It only makes the contrast between them that much more obvious now. There are things about Gregor that suddenly seem to make a great deal more sense, the way he conducts himself of course, but his posture too, and his rigid composure. Clark almost feels guilty for pressing Ivan about the details - whatever his reasons, it had been Gregor's secret to keep. ]

I'll cut right to the chase: I know you're the Emperor of Barrayar. [ Clark's tone is matter-of-a-fact. He doesn't mean for any of it to be dramatic, just direct. ] I don't know how much you meant to keep to yourself, but I realize it isn't something you might have wanted me to know.

[ He meets Gregor's gaze with a sort of frank, unflinching honesty that wouldn't have been out of place in his other uniform. ] I came to you because I wanted you to know that it's not something I'm planning to share, and if you have any particular concerns, I'd like to do my best to lay them to rest.

[The blow comes so suddenly and is so utterly unexpected that for once Gregor can't control his expression--he looks like Clark punched him in the stomach, color draining from his cheeks and his eyes widening in shocked denial before he stills, his face crumpling in a little until he drops his eyes and takes a deep, unsteady breath.]

No. [His voice is very quiet, and he closes his eyes for a moment, swallowing hard.] No, I didn't want anyone to know, but it was foolish to think I could keep something like that hidden forever. It was--it was for security reasons, mostly, but I-- [Gregor stops, inhales again, and his iron control reasserts itself as he draws himself up and forces his eyes back up to Clark's face.] We have every trust in your discretion, Clark. I would like it kept quiet as much as possible, for Miles and Ivan's safety as much as for mine. Thank you very much for letting me know that you're aware.

[ Gregor is usually so tightly controlled, it's that much more surprising to see the shock and pain, and just how is going on underneath it. Ivan had told him more than the bare-bones of fact - he'd gone into detail about Gregor's history. He'd been doing this since he was four, most of his family already dead.

Clark nods, but he doesn't make a move to leave. ]

It was mostly for security, but there's more to it, isn't there? Gregor, it's alright to admit that sometimes you just want to be... normal.

[Gregor watches Clark with flat, dark eyes, almost resentful for a moment before his expression smooths to a careful blandness that means he's thinking hard. His attention slowly refocuses itself on Clark, clear and flensing.]

Is that what you want, Clark? [His voice is low, no hint of accusation in it, but his eyes don't waver from Clark's face.] To just be normal?

[ He doesn't hesitate to answer: ] I want to be a part of the world, and I want to help people. That's all there is to me.

[ He's silent for a moment, his expression thoughtful. It's the truth, but only the part of it that Clark is accustomed to telling. Not, he thinks, enough to explain. There's a brief hesitation, conflict evident in his expression, but a moment later it smooths into something more neutral. ]

The fact is, there isn't a person alive who can stop me from doing anything. If I wanted to, I could take over my world, or burn it all to ash, or sink a continent because I'm having a bad day. [ He's not boasting. He's repeating accusations he's heard elsewhere, with a wry kind of disbelief. ] And even if I think any of that would be insane, it doesn't matter. It's enough that I can.

Every move that I make, I have to be careful that I don't break something fragile. When I make mistakes, when I'm not enough - well, you saw what happened to Caducus Primary.

[ Clark exhales softly, dropping his gaze before meeting Gregor's again. ]

I don't know what it's like to be Emperor, and I never want to find out first-hand. But I know how these things can change the way people look at you and dictate the course of your life.

Edited 2016-01-16 09:18 (UTC)

[Gregor blinks at Clark's prompt, unhesitating answer, watching him for a moment before the odd, detached intensity on his face clears and his mouth tilts up very faintly at the corners.]

You want to serve. That... is a motivator with which I am blessedly familiar. No wonder you and Miles get along. [His face shifts into a real, rare smile for a moment before he exhales on a breath and shakes his head.] I can't imagine what it must be like to watch every physical move you make on top of every word you say, but I know what it's like to have a great deal of power, though it's certainly very different than yours. Sometimes slower and sometimes... not. It is my fortune, and misfortune, that I appear to be the Emperor of jack squat, here--I went from three whole populated planets to two obnoxious military lieutenants, though I love them both dearly. I'm not silly enough to think my station means anything without the resources I can normally command, but... I'm worried other people are exactly that silly. And I worry what would happen to anyone who attempted a kidnapping or ransom or assassination attempt, for whatever brainless reason.

[He looks down, rubbing one thumb slowly against his opposite palm and looking pensive for a moment before his eyes settle back on Clark's face, focused and dark.]

I did want to be normal, once. I wanted that very badly. And I learned exactly how selfish that desire is, the power vacuum it leaves, the people it hurts, the responsibilities I would have to shirk, to be 'normal,' and I decided it wasn't worth it. I-- [Gregor breaks off with a laugh, shaking his head.] In the middle of a war, I wanted a squad of my own, to go out and shoot at people like an idiot, to only be responsible for a maximum of five people's lives, for once. 'Real service,' I called it. Miles looked right at me and told me, 'If--in your judgment--the best and most vital service you can give everyone else risking their lives here is as a minor field officer, I will of course support you to the best of my ability.' God. [He rubs his face.] I told him he could turn a phrase like a knife. But... no. I don't want to be normal, not really. Having a taste of it here was pleasant, but I knew this would get out eventually. I just don't want my not-normal-ness to end up pointlessly hurting anyone else.

[ Clark matches the smile with a small one of his own. He gets the sense that he and Miles have a lot more in common than he knows, but he isn't here to try and press Gregor about that. He's only seen Gregor in tense or terrible moments before now, he wouldn't know for sure, but he doubts that smiling is common for him - which is a shame. It's good to see the darkness clear out of his expression, even briefly.

And once he starts talking again, Clark thinks he's made the right choice to tell Gregor what he has. He nods, his own expression stark and serious. He hadn't really wanted to do more than bridge something between them, but it's startling just how much he of what Gregor says seems to fall in line with his own thinking. Of all people, he never thought he'd meet an Emperor of three worlds in a universe far from his own and think I've been there, I understand. ]

If it's any consolation, I wanted to run away and join the army in a fit of teenage melodrama, too. [ Clark smiles a little. ]

I understand wanting to keep things quiet. Being an alien is... [ He laughs. ] Clearly not a big deal around here, either. The things I can do still make people nervous, though. I don't want anyone to be afraid of me, or to pick a fight and get others hurt in the collateral.

[ He exhales softly and folds his arms across his chest, before looking up at Gregor again. ]

We might bear different kinds of power, but I think we both feel the same responsibility to wielding what we have in the service of the greater good... So I suppose we're lucky that our not-normal-ness makes it that much easier to be friends. If you'll let me take you out for a beer sometime, anyway.

Edited 2016-01-21 19:02 (UTC)

Gregor's eyes brighten a little and he huffs a soft almost-laugh.] It... is, actually. Thank you.

Being an alien doesn't particularly bother me, personally--more importantly, you're a deeply decent person. That counts for a lot. With me, anyway. [He tilts his head in a bit, almost in a nod.] And, well. I'd like that, I think. Very much. I agree with you that we do seem to have a great deal in common, and I'd like to learn more about you, if you're willing.

[ A little tension bleeds out of his shoulders. Even when he knows it isn't likely, it's difficult not to brace for a rejection, or a qualification for accepting some part of his strangeness. ]

That... really means a lot to me. [ More than he really knows how to explain, but there's a telling weight behind the words. ] As for being a decent person, I try. I guess we're alike in that way, too.

[ Clark rubs the side of his neck. He's not nervous, exactly, just unaccustomed to much in the way of curiosity when he's not flying around in a cape. ] Yeah, of course, that's only fair. Can we trade off questions, or are you gonna pull a Miles and tell me everything else is classified?

[ It's not accusatory, just resigned. ]

Edited 2016-01-25 20:18 (UTC)

[Gregor's eyes brighten a little and he tries to suppress a little smile, not quite successfully.]

I will tell you, as someone in a position to know, that all the things that Miles tells you are classified are classified for good reason, not just him dodging questions. Or mostly not just him dodging questions. I think. Regardless, while some things you ask might be classified, I'll answer to the best of my ability. And I don't expect you to offer a complete answer to every single question I pose, either. A trade sounds quite fair.

[ The truth of the matter is, he knows that Miles lives in shades and secrets by necessity, and it's something that he agreed to accept. If it's what Gregor needs too, he can understand it. ]

That's a very diplomatic response, Gregor. [ Gregor's particular mix of casual and formal speech is oddly endearing. Clark is teasing, but he clearly means well. ]

The first shot is yours, considering... [ Considering that he showed up knowing a gruesome chunk of Gregor's history without his knowledge or permission. ] So, what do you want to know?

[Gregor shrugs a little, one corner of his own mouth tugging up as he turns both his hands out in a releasing gesture.]

Well, now you know why, at least. [He pauses, watching Clark with a considering expression on his face, much softer than the flat blankness of his fierce thought before.] What do you do, at home? Besides, you know-- [He twitches a palm to indicate Clark's currently absent spandex.] The whole trying-not-to-sink-a-continent-on-a-bad-day thing.

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video. 001.

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i'm sorry about this novel

IM SO GLAD ABOUT THIS NOVEL also like im not also guilty

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