ivan "pretty boy from barrayar" vorpatril (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
whatdidisay) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thisavrou2015-12-29 11:43 am
whatdidisay) wrote in thisavrou2015-12-29 11:43 am
video. 001.
( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.
well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )
Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—
( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )
I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.
He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.
( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )
Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.
( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )
So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.
ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.
well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )
Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—
( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )
I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.
He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.
( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )
Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.
( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )
So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.
ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.
text
[No word on whether or not that means there will be lack of shirt happening or not.]
French, yes. And I'd love to see it-- that's probably the only way I'll believe a forty-character alphabet.
If the cat can make cheeseburgers out of paper, we have bigger problems than just getting your cousins a date.
text
You've got it. I'll show it to you when I swing by the library -- I've got a gift for you.
( thank you, harry, for bringing him a book from his own universe. sure, it's full of bloodshed and tragic romance but it's also a bit of barrayar. and a book! surely she'll like that. )
You underestimate how difficult getting them dates is going to be. M'mother's been trying to get Gregor married for years.
text
Well, plenty of fish in the proverbial universe-sea the Ingress fishes from. Maybe he'll find someone here. Why is your mother's job though?
text
( he's not really watching what he says, lulled into a sense of false security with elizabeth and the need to be cautious pushed into the back of his mind at the moment. )
He doesn't have a mother to do it for him. Aunt Cordelia's his foster mom so technically the role should fall to her. But she's Betan and Gregor needs someone who knows how to work Barrayaran society. M'mother's the closest thing he's got in that case. ( he pauses, thinking this and his family tree over. ) I think his mother and my mother were related, too. Cousins, maybe?
text
[Elizabeth has a habit of doing that with men in particular.]
Ah, I suppose all of you can't marry just anybody-- you have to marry a high-class Barrayaran? Well, at least she's some kind of cousin or aunt or something to him...
text
( ooooh boy that's going to be a fun conversation. also how dare you, elizabeth, that's so unfair. )
A Vor, right. I think m'mother would prefer if it was someone who was high Vor -- that's someone who's addressed by Lord, Lady, Count, or Countess -- but we're probably all out of them by now.
( there's a shortage of vor women. it's... a thing. )
text
[She's very unfair, but she really does enjoy it sometimes. Sorry Ivan, you've fallen in with a pretty manipulator.]
I suppose she's saving the highest one for the emperor though, right?
text
( how on earth is he supposed to survive. harry is, also, majorly unimpressed with ivan at present. so he's just. going to avoid mentioning that, eh. )
I'm sure she was, but he's refused to marry most of the women she's shown him. It sends the distant relatives he has that are still alive into fits -- they're next on the chopping block, you see, if he doesn't have kids.
( gregor hasn't officially named an heir amongst the three of them -- uncle aral, miles, and ivan. but barrayar will never have miles as emperor. so it's between ivan and aral; ivan has very carefully made sure he is middling. not dumb enough to manipulate, not smart enough for anyone to champion as a possible alternative to aral and gregor. )
text
Hm. They're not his type, or...?
text
That or he enjoys stringing his poor suffering relatives out and making them sweat profusely.
( WHICH IS IT, GREGOR? )
text
text
text
text