video. 001.

[whatdidisay]

( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.

well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )

Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—

( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )

I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.

He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.

( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )

Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.

( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )

So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.

ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.

Comments

Audio

[lets_see_what_happens]

I haven't decided whether that's a good thing or not.

[vengeance_driven]

If it turns out like it did when my cousin fixed me up? Bad thing. [Nothing like being set up with someone that was a spy out to use you for information.] I wish you good luck, most of the ladies here are pretty good, but there are only so many people on this ship and if it doesn't work out it can be very awkward.

Also I think only a few of the women here can make babies with human men in the normal human men way.

[lets_see_what_happens]

I confess, I'm having difficulty imagining you being set up on a blind date. Though I suspect you did far better than I would have in those circumstances, whatever they ended up being.

Thank you, Niko. Luckily, my interest in having children is mitigated somewhat by being kidnapped, lost, and marooned on a ship in the middle of deep space with no replicators, no support network, and no guarantee of anyone's safety. Which I feel is prudent, personally.

[vengeance_driven]

Well ah... I had met her on a car ride. So it is not so much blind. I did get nervous. [Because he's such a tough guy. He clears his throat.] I don't know. I get nervous on dates with new girls. I always have.

[lets_see_what_happens]

That's normal, I think. Though, the last time I went on a proper date it was with someone who had literally just kidnapped me, so I was nervous for different reasons.

...I use the term "proper date" extremely loosely, here.

[vengeance_driven]

This particular one I speak of was a spy.

That is a pretty loose definition of date.

[lets_see_what_happens]

Did you know she was a spy before you went on a date with her?

[Gregor seems genuinely curious.]

We seem to have depressingly similar luck, in any case.

[vengeance_driven]

No. I thought she was a normal girl named Karen. She always told me she liked me for who I was, wanted me to talk to her of the war. She asked more questions than talked to me.

I just thought she was a good listener but she always wanted to know things I didn't want to talk about. Was kind of stupid of me. She had made friends with my cousin and his girlfriend just so that they would try to fix us up.

[lets_see_what_happens]

[Gregor's face shifts into a rare showing of unguarded emotion, a mix of surprised recognition, bitterness, and sympathy. He controls himself with an effort.]

I see. I'm sorry. That's... that realization is an extremely nasty shock, in my experience. And I don't think that you were stupid at all. [His mouth curls into something that's not quite a smile, since it doesn't really reach his eyes.] Happens to the best of us.

[vengeance_driven]

I take it that you have been with a woman that was not real, too?

[lets_see_what_happens]

Oh, yes.

[There's a brief breath of remembered pain in Gregor's voice, and he's suddenly glad Niko can't see his face.]

Though, I was in a position to know exactly what she was after, at least. I just did not also happen to be in a position to refuse, at the time. It was all worked out eventually.

[vengeance_driven]

I'm sorry about that, man. It takes a lot to care about someone, and it hurts to know that nothing that you cared about or was good to was real.

Is fucking shitty.

But ah, at least for Ivan showing off here and acting like my cousin [that sounds accusatory] I think most of the people here can't lie for too long. Not and stay happy. It is pretty pointless to keep trying to be things that aren't important in a place like this.

[lets_see_what_happens]

Yes. Yes, it is.

[Gregor is quiet for a moment.]

And I wouldn't be so sure about the integrity of our fellow shipmates as a whole. Not that I suspect anyone of malicious lies directly, but I suppose it would depend on what someone thinks would still be important enough to lie about in a place like this. [A smile creeps into his voice.] Probably not romantic entanglements, though, you're right. That's comforting, at least.