thisavrou | video. 001.

( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.

well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )

Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—

( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )

I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.

He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.

( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )

Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.

( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )

So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.

ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think you have put them back into the fire. It is not the most flattering description

I might have exaggerated Gregor's a bit.

( miles? not so much. and miles is the one who brought this on himself, really. )

Edited 2015-12-30 02:26 (UTC)

Only a bit? And only the one?

[Ivan can't see it, but she's definitely raising an eyebrow.]

It's my mother's job to see that he's married and manage his social life, as he doesn't have a mother or a wife. It's what she's paid to do. And the children is, admittedly, out of self interest for myself and Miles.

( don't ask him to explain why, he can't. it's a secret. it's because gregor is an emperor and ivan is third in line until the man has children and god does he not want that job at all. )

Miles' is perfectly accurate to his tastes. He hasn't even yelled at me about misrepresenting him, just that I did it in the first place.

Edited (A BILLION EDITS LATER) 2015-12-30 03:03 (UTC)

A child army is not very romantic. You have probably scared every woman on the ship.

[She's only half-joking - there weren't child soldiers in Sokovia, not yet, but the possibility was always in the back of her mind.

Ugh, Ivan, you are really starting to sound a little too much like Pietro here. She doubts you'd change anything even if he did - her brother surely wouldn't.]

All of this is normal for cousins?

Don't worry, he doesn't need a child army. ( he's got a fully equipped, nexus famed, very effective adult one. ) That wasn't my plan.

( but she's talking to gregor, and gregor's making jokes back. so ivan considers this a success. hell frigging yeah. )

Why wouldn't it be? I grew up with the both of them -- Greg's only four years older than Miles and I -- and it's not like any of us have siblings.

( that's what happens when 1) your dad is so much of a sadist that his own father decided to kill him along with fifty thousand other men to be rid of him for good 2) someone tries to assassinate your father with a poison who's antidote destroys a fetus in utero while your mother was sleeping next to him, and which also conveniently made your father sterile 3) your father was killed on the day of your birth by supporters of a pretender to the office of emperor of barrayar because he just so happened to have a claim to the title and were absolutely gunning for your pregnant mother next.

guess which one belongs to who, wanda! a fun game for the whole family. )

[There's a reason she's stayed on text - this may be funny in a terrible way but she doesn't want to be dragged into anything.]

My brother may have teased me, but I do not think he would have tried something like this. Not asking the entire ship

[You know what that sounds like? A planet's worth of nope, that's what.]

Edited 2015-12-31 07:22 (UTC)

Yeah, but your brother probably didn't give you crap for a solid month -- interrupted by his dying and coming back to life, mind you -- for getting laid when he hasn't. I'm helping him. Or attempting to make him get over himself.

( WELCOME TO BARRAYAR. )

Edited 2015-12-31 07:24 (UTC)

[There's a loooooooong pause. Long enough that Ivan might think Wanda won't reply at all, and she almost doesn't.]

at least your brother came back

( shit. his response is also delayed, and not full of the indignation of his previous replies. )

Cousin, and didn't think he was at first. Sorry.

[There's another delay and Wanda's glad she left this to text. It's still hard for her to talk about it.]

Do you remember how it felt?

It is good to want them to be happy. But do you really trust everyone on the ship?

Yeah. No more than i do most people at home.

( mostly because no one here knows who they are -- no one is going to want to kill them for political gain or revenge if they don't know who they are. )

I think the crew is mostly good.

[At least, she's seen everyone pull together several times and there's been nothing that's actually required her to do her job, which Wanda is beyond thankful for. Still, she'd prefer to at least know everyone involved before trying to play matchmaker.]

But people still break. Just be careful, yes?

[If you think they're insufferable now...]

Will do. Ivan Vorpatril, by the way. The cousin you're chatting up is Gregor Vorbarra. Greg for short.

( talk to him more, wanda! )

Wanda Maximoff.

How do you say that?

[Bilingual problems - she almost recognizes Ivan's accent from the original post and her own last name gets butchered enough by most native English speakers.]

( for that, ivan switches to voice. )

Yours, his, or mine?

( it doesn't matter, ivan recites all three in the Correct Russian Way™ ~~or as close as you can get, considering that russian doesn't have an x or a w~~ )

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