whatdidisay: (pic#9528862)
ivan "pretty boy from barrayar" vorpatril ([personal profile] whatdidisay) wrote in [community profile] thisavrou2015-12-29 11:43 am

video. 001.

( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.

well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away.
)

Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—

( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )

I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.

He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.

( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )

Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.

( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )

So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.

ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.
tearmeanewone: (023)

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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2015-12-30 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
[Yes, Elizabeth has no doubt of that, Ivan. She's with you on that point.]

My shoulder feels tight still, but considering I escaped from that in one piece after meeting it twice I'm counting myself fortunate.
tearmeanewone: (066)

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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2015-12-30 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know if that would help. It's one of those black marks... [The untreatable one that doesn't look so good. All over her back. She's starting a collection of scars back there, apparently.]

Oh that's a strange one! I can't say I really understand a lot of them, but the pictures are adorable at least. And speaking of-- I have two little helpers in the library now!

[Be proud, Ivan, she's attached a photo.]

Robert and Rosalind, Robbie and Rosie for short.
tearmeanewone: (016)

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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2015-12-30 07:09 am (UTC)(link)
I suppose so... I won't have to take off my shirt, will I?

[She's getting more self-conscious about her back as the days tick by.]

Yeah, I was wondering about that too... I figured it was from so far in my future, that English syntax had changed completely.

Yes, twins, a brother and sister.


[That's the easiest explanation that doesn't involve universe-hopping and essentially spilling her entire life story. And she isn't about to scare Ivan with making him swear to keep a secret.]

They were very close, and I turned around and there they were... staring at me as a pair. Sitting very politely as if to ask 'Cream or Milk?'
tearmeanewone: (008)

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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2015-12-31 09:08 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know... it doesn't look too pretty from what I understand.

[YES IVAN, but her back is starting to become a collection of scars, you don't want to see that do you?]

Forty? That's just overkill. There aren't that many sounds in your language, there just can't be.

Cream. They're very smart and discerning kittens, they'd turn up their little noses at anything less. Perhaps seeing some of his fellows getting 'cheezburgers' will improve the General Count's mood?
tearmeanewone: (158)

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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2015-12-31 08:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[Oh Ivan, you suave darling. That is definitely not a line she's heard before, so it actually makes her blush and reconsider.]

You are too much sometimes, Ivan Vorpatril.

Oh I'm certain it's not so bad if you can speak all of them-- but I can speak two of those, sir. Easy to make light of a forty letter alphabet when you know four languages.

Well he can plot to steal cheeseburgers all he likes, at the end of the day it's going to be very difficult for him to pull them out of a book.
tearmeanewone: (022)

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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2016-01-01 10:57 pm (UTC)(link)
... alright, I suppose a massage couldn't hurt.

[No word on whether or not that means there will be lack of shirt happening or not.]

French, yes. And I'd love to see it-- that's probably the only way I'll believe a forty-character alphabet.

If the cat can make cheeseburgers out of paper, we have bigger problems than just getting your cousins a date.
tearmeanewone: (016)

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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2016-01-02 07:00 am (UTC)(link)
A gift? Wow, I'm the most spoiled girl on this ship, feels like. [Not that she's complaining...] You coming by now?

Well, plenty of fish in the proverbial universe-sea the Ingress fishes from. Maybe he'll find someone here. Why is your mother's job though?
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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2016-01-03 02:46 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, from Mr. Hart? Give him my best when you see him!

[Elizabeth has a habit of doing that with men in particular.]

Ah, I suppose all of you can't marry just anybody-- you have to marry a high-class Barrayaran? Well, at least she's some kind of cousin or aunt or something to him...
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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2016-01-03 08:50 am (UTC)(link)
We're nextdoor neighbors! He made me the most beautiful coat for Christmas, it fits me like a glove.

[She's very unfair, but she really does enjoy it sometimes. Sorry Ivan, you've fallen in with a pretty manipulator.]

I suppose she's saving the highest one for the emperor though, right?
tearmeanewone: (001)

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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2016-01-05 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sure you'll see it soon enough-- I practically live in it during the cooler evenings.

Hm. They're not his type, or...?
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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2016-01-09 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
That seems pretty terrible. What kind of awful man torments his relatives and enjoys it?
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[personal profile] tearmeanewone 2016-01-12 06:07 am (UTC)(link)
I'm pretty sure I don't need the Barrayaran answer, I'm pretty sure I can just guess.