ivan "pretty boy from barrayar" vorpatril (
whatdidisay) wrote in
thisavrou2015-12-29 11:43 am
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video. 001.
( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.
well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )
Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—
( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )
I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.
He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.
( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )
Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.
( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )
So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.
ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.
well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )
Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—
( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )
I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.
He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.
( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )
Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.
( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )
So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.
ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.
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( and on a conversation topic that isn't his cousin: )
You doing okay, with everything going on?
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My shoulder feels tight still, but considering I escaped from that in one piece after meeting it twice I'm counting myself fortunate.
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I give great massages if you're interested. ( they err on the side of sensual, however. ) Glad to hear you're alright. Everything finally starting to unthaw in the library? I've started in on the uh, the book with the cats.
( he's not sure how he feels about it, but it's something to do when the general count is curled up on his chest. )
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Oh that's a strange one! I can't say I really understand a lot of them, but the pictures are adorable at least. And speaking of-- I have two little helpers in the library now!
[Be proud, Ivan, she's attached a photo.]
Robert and Rosalind, Robbie and Rosie for short.
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( okay ivan can appreciate cats when they're being gushed about by women. and he was right, elizabeth did like the small ones. point for him. )
I'm pretty sure the translation thing they gave us broken, because all one of them says is "I can has cheeseburger?" I know Barrayaran English is different than galactic english, but even so.
Robbie and Rosie, huh? They're kinda cute. Who's Robert, if Rosalind's the one that made your city fly? Twins?
( redheaded twins, probably )
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[She's getting more self-conscious about her back as the days tick by.]
Yeah, I was wondering about that too... I figured it was from so far in my future, that English syntax had changed completely.
Yes, twins, a brother and sister.
[That's the easiest explanation that doesn't involve universe-hopping and essentially spilling her entire life story. And she isn't about to scare Ivan with making him swear to keep a secret.]
They were very close, and I turned around and there they were... staring at me as a pair. Sitting very politely as if to ask 'Cream or Milk?'
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( HE WANTS YOU TO, ELIZABETH. )
Not in my future, at any rate. Sure, our alphabet might have forty some characters in it and most of us speak four different languages, but even then there's no accounting for this.
Maybe I'll introduce the General Count to them, although he's permanently as bad tempered as his namesake. And? Which one did you eventually give them?
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[YES IVAN, but her back is starting to become a collection of scars, you don't want to see that do you?]
Forty? That's just overkill. There aren't that many sounds in your language, there just can't be.
Cream. They're very smart and discerning kittens, they'd turn up their little noses at anything less. Perhaps seeing some of his fellows getting 'cheezburgers' will improve the General Count's mood?
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( he wants to see her, which is a pretty overwhelming reason to put up with any matter of scars. he might be shallow when it comes to first meeting women, but he tends to be alright with whatever flaws he can see after getting to know them.
he's kind of a shallow lout that's just beginning to get over himself, what can he say. )
There's four main languages on Barrayar -- English, Russian, French, and Greek. Our alphabet has to cover all the sounds made by all of them. Most everything is written in English, using the different characters for the appropriate sounds. It's really not so bad if you can speak all of them to begin with.
( which he does, although his strength lies in french rather than russian -- the vorpatrils have their roots in being british, and his mother english and french. )
Or he'll devise some cunning plan to steal it out from under them. Worth a shot, though.
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You are too much sometimes, Ivan Vorpatril.
Oh I'm certain it's not so bad if you can speak all of them-- but I can speak two of those, sir. Easy to make light of a forty letter alphabet when you know four languages.
Well he can plot to steal cheeseburgers all he likes, at the end of the day it's going to be very difficult for him to pull them out of a book.
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But not too much for you, I hope. So? Final word?
English and-- French? Don't worry, I'll show you how it's done if you want. There's a catchy song that goes with it.
( isn't there always? )
If anyone could, it'd be someone named after my great Uncle. The man was an absolute monster of a human being, in both good ways and, well.
( attempting to smother miles ways. you win some, you lose some. )
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[No word on whether or not that means there will be lack of shirt happening or not.]
French, yes. And I'd love to see it-- that's probably the only way I'll believe a forty-character alphabet.
If the cat can make cheeseburgers out of paper, we have bigger problems than just getting your cousins a date.
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You've got it. I'll show it to you when I swing by the library -- I've got a gift for you.
( thank you, harry, for bringing him a book from his own universe. sure, it's full of bloodshed and tragic romance but it's also a bit of barrayar. and a book! surely she'll like that. )
You underestimate how difficult getting them dates is going to be. M'mother's been trying to get Gregor married for years.
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Well, plenty of fish in the proverbial universe-sea the Ingress fishes from. Maybe he'll find someone here. Why is your mother's job though?
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( he's not really watching what he says, lulled into a sense of false security with elizabeth and the need to be cautious pushed into the back of his mind at the moment. )
He doesn't have a mother to do it for him. Aunt Cordelia's his foster mom so technically the role should fall to her. But she's Betan and Gregor needs someone who knows how to work Barrayaran society. M'mother's the closest thing he's got in that case. ( he pauses, thinking this and his family tree over. ) I think his mother and my mother were related, too. Cousins, maybe?
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[Elizabeth has a habit of doing that with men in particular.]
Ah, I suppose all of you can't marry just anybody-- you have to marry a high-class Barrayaran? Well, at least she's some kind of cousin or aunt or something to him...
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( ooooh boy that's going to be a fun conversation. also how dare you, elizabeth, that's so unfair. )
A Vor, right. I think m'mother would prefer if it was someone who was high Vor -- that's someone who's addressed by Lord, Lady, Count, or Countess -- but we're probably all out of them by now.
( there's a shortage of vor women. it's... a thing. )
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[She's very unfair, but she really does enjoy it sometimes. Sorry Ivan, you've fallen in with a pretty manipulator.]
I suppose she's saving the highest one for the emperor though, right?
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( how on earth is he supposed to survive. harry is, also, majorly unimpressed with ivan at present. so he's just. going to avoid mentioning that, eh. )
I'm sure she was, but he's refused to marry most of the women she's shown him. It sends the distant relatives he has that are still alive into fits -- they're next on the chopping block, you see, if he doesn't have kids.
( gregor hasn't officially named an heir amongst the three of them -- uncle aral, miles, and ivan. but barrayar will never have miles as emperor. so it's between ivan and aral; ivan has very carefully made sure he is middling. not dumb enough to manipulate, not smart enough for anyone to champion as a possible alternative to aral and gregor. )
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Hm. They're not his type, or...?
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That or he enjoys stringing his poor suffering relatives out and making them sweat profusely.
( WHICH IS IT, GREGOR? )
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