text

[diamondslap]

Hello.
This is Aurelia Hammerlock, Baroness and one of your new Arbitration Officers.
I've only been here for several days, but it's plain to see that all your problems are entirely, completely and obnoxiously boring.

[speaking of obnoxious...]

If you have such a severe lack of common sense that you actually require my services, please ensure that it's for something interesting.
Anything else will be disregarded and most likely laughed at.

Comments

[skelepun]

excuse me, i have a problem.

[diamondslap]

I'm sure you do.

[skelepun]

i'm trying to figure out what's big, gray, and doesn't matter. help me out?

[diamondslap]

No.

text;

[commontype]

What counts as interesting? Lovers spat? Two of the crew arguing over the last biscuit in the mess hall?

[Please, give him examples so he can tease.]

Re: text;

[diamondslap]

To list them off on a dime...
Revenge plots.
Murder mysteries.
Perhaps a problem that can by solved by me shooting one or both of the morons involved.
I'm keeping an open mind and not putting that last one under "all of them."
You're welcome.

text; 1/2

[commontype]

hmmmm. so.

you just missed your time on the murder mysteries, yeah? cause there was captain who'd died and nobody knew how. as for revenge plots, ain't heard anythin' yet. but im sure on a shit this size, somethin's bound to happen.

text; 2/2

[commontype]

*ship oops, my bad.

Re: text; 2/2

[diamondslap]

I find myself inclined to agree with you, darling.
A dead captain? Heavens, I'm sure that's not the sign of an incipient mutiny.
How fun that would be!

[highlyintuitive]

Do you know what they say about people who say things are boring?

[diamondslap]

Something about how it turns out I was the boring one all along?

[highlyintuitive]

No. Means you aren't paying attention. Inattentive people are more like to catch a bullet than ones who find things interesting.

[diamondslap]

I've spent the last several weeks trying to avoid people wanting to shoot me.

[diamondslap]

[wait shit she just burned herself.]

Because
I was in a very interesting situation
With interesting people!









Shut up.

[warandpeace]

If death matches with giant robots were your thing, back home I could give you good work. I'm a little disappointed to let you down.

[But not very.]

[diamondslap]

Felicity didn't
I see.
What do you do here?
I'd imagine life without giant killer robots must be quite dull for you, poor thing.

[warandpeace]

I'm not too worried about it. I can use the free time to adapt. [Figure out what to do with himself.]

Personal Defense Specialist.

[diamondslap]

That's an awful lot of words for "I sit around doing sod-all every day."
What type of defence?

[handing]

Good day, Baroness Hammerlock.

My name is Pepper Potts, CEO, and newly appointed Chief Morale Officer. In that light, I'd like to suggest that instead of belittling the potential problems of your crewmates and fellow kidnapping victims, you'd instead keep in mind that none of us has chosen to be here, and we certainly don't need make our tenures more difficult for each other through mockery and a lack of understanding.

[diamondslap]

I'm simply making the best decision for all involved, darling.
People have to look after themselves one day.
I'm going to start by bouncing back all their problems until they work through them themselves.
By the way, have you spoken to Athena?
She's in a similar line of work to you.
I think you'll get along swimmingly.

[handing]

Miss Potts; not darling.

The entire point of having an arbitrator is for those situations where an objective third party is necessary for the resolution of a problem. While I agree that people shouldn't be dependent on someone in that position for everything, there are scenarios when that outside viewpoint is necessary to achieve a peaceful resolution.

But then again, if you lack either the skills or the empathy to adequately fill your position, I'm sure there is some other job on the ship you could request.

I've yet to make her acquaintance, but I'll keep an eye out for her.

[diamondslap]

My apologies, Miss Potts.
Force of habit.
I will do as I see fit.
I've yet to talk to the other arbitrator aboard to see how he finds it.
Working really isn't my thing, let along working to help children.

She's the public relations officer, she said.
An equally useless position as the ones we've been assigned.

text

[lets_see_what_happens]

If you do encounter any issues that you're incapable of or unwilling to handle on your own, do feel free to refer them to me as your fellow Arbitration Officer. I'll be happy to assist.

Re: text

[diamondslap]

Hello, darling.
I was beginning to worry I'd have to seek you out myself.
You'd be better off doing the same.
Most of them are completely asinine and things the crew should deal with themselves.

text

[lets_see_what_happens]

Your opinion of the utility of our shared position is duly noted. [And ignored.] Please do let me know if you require anything else.