text

[diamondslap]

Hello.
This is Aurelia Hammerlock, Baroness and one of your new Arbitration Officers.
I've only been here for several days, but it's plain to see that all your problems are entirely, completely and obnoxiously boring.

[speaking of obnoxious...]

If you have such a severe lack of common sense that you actually require my services, please ensure that it's for something interesting.
Anything else will be disregarded and most likely laughed at.

Comments

[skelepun]

excuse me, i have a problem.

[diamondslap]

I'm sure you do.

[skelepun]

i'm trying to figure out what's big, gray, and doesn't matter. help me out?

[diamondslap]

No.

1/2

[skelepun]

wait nevermind, i just remembered.

it's an irrelephant

2/2

[skelepun]

get it?

[diamondslap]

Look at that.
You did a pun.

[skelepun]

heh, i know. i'm pretty impressive.

comedy is just one of my many virtues, if you can believe it.

[diamondslap]

I cannot think of anything more useless.
Perhaps see if there's an awards distributor around.
Maybe you can get it engraved.

[skelepun]

"most funny" or "most useless"?
don't get me wrong, i'd wear both with pride.
then again, i'd hate to make people jealous. then you'll have even more problems that need your wisdom to solve.

[diamondslap]

I think that would be grounds for "being fired out the airlock to collectively raise the ship's IQ level."

text;

[commontype]

What counts as interesting? Lovers spat? Two of the crew arguing over the last biscuit in the mess hall?

[Please, give him examples so he can tease.]

[highlyintuitive]

Do you know what they say about people who say things are boring?

[warandpeace]

If death matches with giant robots were your thing, back home I could give you good work. I'm a little disappointed to let you down.

[But not very.]

[handing]

Good day, Baroness Hammerlock.

My name is Pepper Potts, CEO, and newly appointed Chief Morale Officer. In that light, I'd like to suggest that instead of belittling the potential problems of your crewmates and fellow kidnapping victims, you'd instead keep in mind that none of us has chosen to be here, and we certainly don't need make our tenures more difficult for each other through mockery and a lack of understanding.

[diamondslap]

Something about how it turns out I was the boring one all along?

[diamondslap]

I'm simply making the best decision for all involved, darling.
People have to look after themselves one day.
I'm going to start by bouncing back all their problems until they work through them themselves.
By the way, have you spoken to Athena?
She's in a similar line of work to you.
I think you'll get along swimmingly.

Re: text;

[diamondslap]

To list them off on a dime...
Revenge plots.
Murder mysteries.
Perhaps a problem that can by solved by me shooting one or both of the morons involved.
I'm keeping an open mind and not putting that last one under "all of them."
You're welcome.

[diamondslap]

Felicity didn't
I see.
What do you do here?
I'd imagine life without giant killer robots must be quite dull for you, poor thing.

[warandpeace]

I'm not too worried about it. I can use the free time to adapt. [Figure out what to do with himself.]

Personal Defense Specialist.

[diamondslap]

That's an awful lot of words for "I sit around doing sod-all every day."
What type of defence?

[warandpeace]

Depends on your definition of sod-all. It probably suits yours. Not so much mine. This place is new to me. So if I'm going to train, I need to adapt.

Depends on what people need. I'm an expert in guerrilla warfare. I tailor my training and challenges to suit people's abilities and needs. If you need quiet infiltration? I do that. If you need to defend yourself physically? Use weapons? Disarm people? I do that.

[At least that's how he intends to do the job.]

text

[lets_see_what_happens]

If you do encounter any issues that you're incapable of or unwilling to handle on your own, do feel free to refer them to me as your fellow Arbitration Officer. I'll be happy to assist.

[highlyintuitive]

No. Means you aren't paying attention. Inattentive people are more like to catch a bullet than ones who find things interesting.

Re: text

[diamondslap]

Hello, darling.
I was beginning to worry I'd have to seek you out myself.
You'd be better off doing the same.
Most of them are completely asinine and things the crew should deal with themselves.