text

[diamondslap]

Hello.
This is Aurelia Hammerlock, Baroness and one of your new Arbitration Officers.
I've only been here for several days, but it's plain to see that all your problems are entirely, completely and obnoxiously boring.

[speaking of obnoxious...]

If you have such a severe lack of common sense that you actually require my services, please ensure that it's for something interesting.
Anything else will be disregarded and most likely laughed at.

Comments

Re: text

[diamondslap]

Hello, darling.
I was beginning to worry I'd have to seek you out myself.
You'd be better off doing the same.
Most of them are completely asinine and things the crew should deal with themselves.

text

[lets_see_what_happens]

Your opinion of the utility of our shared position is duly noted. [And ignored.] Please do let me know if you require anything else.

Re: text

[diamondslap]

[NO SHE HAS AN OPINION AND YOU HAVE TO HEAR IT, GREGOR.

aurelia thinks for a moment, how she could get a proper answer out of him. she's seen plenty of those neutral bureaucratic answers in her time and feels slightly offended to be on the receiving end of one.]

Yes, actually.
Two people, recently, asked for an arbitration officer's services because of how poorly they work together.
Now, usually you'd just tell them to avoid situations where they need to, yes?
I've decided to give at least one problem a proper go before fully condemning this position to pointlessness.
I'll be shooting them both in the kneecaps.
They can learn to work together by dragging each other to the medibay before they bleed out.
I believe this is what my mother would call "the tough love approach."
I'm quite looking forward to the results.

[lets_see_what_happens]

That would be... ill-advised, I think.

[diamondslap]

Only one way to find out, darling.

[lets_see_what_happens]

To find out if this ship has a brig they can throw you in for shooting your fellow crewmembers? There are plenty of ways to do that, actually--asking politely, for starters.

[diamondslap]

That's clever, darling.
It falls under the purview of my job.
Our job.

[she's going to such lengths for a scenario that isn't even real...]

[lets_see_what_happens]

Kneecapping people? Somehow I don't think that's what the captains had in mind when they assigned Arbitration Officers.

[diamondslap]

To help them work together.
This is a common tactic, darling.
It helps them and helps me.
And us, when the stupid ones bleed out.

[lets_see_what_happens]

Where you come from, perhaps. [Where he comes from too, if everyone's honest, but Aurelia doesn't have to know that.] Ship's policy is to stick to nonviolent tactics, for now, please.

[diamondslap]

That's dull.
Well, suppose I'll just leave them to kill each other themselves.
I was already bored of discussing it anyway.

[lets_see_what_happens]

Excellent.

How many firearms do you have in your possession, precisely?

[diamondslap]

At least four.
The rocket launcher is most inconvenient.

[lets_see_what_happens]

That is certainly a phrase one can apply.

[diamondslap]

It is.
Do we have an office?
I have quite a few projectiles to store and the woman who's in my room is...
I have a feeling she might set them off out of spite.

[lets_see_what_happens]

Our duties do not come assigned with an office.

If you are having difficulty finding a place to put some of the undoubtedly extremely dangerous things you have managed to acquire, I would be happy to take custody of them until [hell freezes over] a later date. Please do let me know.

[diamondslap]

Well, that's a goal for you.
Get an office.
Maybe go find one and remove its current inhabitants.
Do your arbitration thing at them.
I don't care.
Just don't get viscera everywhere.
Call me when you've done it.

[like she doesn't even plan on ever doing any work at all but making gregor uncomfortable is giving her life okay you take what you can get when you're stuck in space]

[lets_see_what_happens]

[Gregor, on the other hand, is refusing to rise to the bait. He's curious about her, though Maybe he can out-bland her.]


My foster-brother Miles has an office. I do not strictly recommend attempting to remove him. That's the only one I know of, besides the captains'.

[diamondslap]

Flip a coin.

[lets_see_what_happens]

Heads.

[diamondslap]

Captains.

[lets_see_what_happens]

I see. Best of luck, then.