Video

[beautifulspaceraptor]

[ There’s a Turian face filling the screen, bright, large green eyes and youthful face, but the colony markings should be a dead give away for who it was. The moment he’s sure the camera is on, Nihlus starts chattering away. ]

So like, I finally managed to hack into my omni-tool’s data storage proper and it’s a freaking treasure trove, holy shit. There’s like a million pictures of Saren Fucking Arterius on here?

[ Cue some awkward angling with the MID to properly frame said omni-tool- and there is, indeed, a screenful of thumbnail photos of Saren Arterius. The teen scrolls through the file navigator with one hand, chortling as he does. ]

Look, look- here’s one of him picking his nose.

Here’s one of him in the middle of a sneeze.

And this one’s my favorite so far, okay okay- it’s the fucker tripping over a leaf. Haha, fuck, the extranet would have been alllll over this shit- whoa hey, he’s got a pretty nice butt for someone who’s like a millions years old. Dang.

[ Being a teenager does not seem to have cured him of his awful tastes, unfortunately. ]

Anyways, there’s also like, the most beautifully curated collection of vid porn that I have ever seen in my life, so if you want copies and aren’t like, a baby or something, just ping me!

Comments

TEXT

[squadgoals]

[Oh. Oh no. Ohhh nooo.]

Don't take this the wrong way, but if you're smart, you'll delete this immediately.

TEXT

[beautifulspaceraptor]

what

why?

oh shit wait is Saren onboard

TEXT [PRIVATE]

[squadgoals]

[It is far too early post-cryo to be reflecting on why the hell this is happening, but here we are. Two and two are certainly creating negative four, however impossible the number may be.]

No. But there is, without a doubt, people who would pass on and sell the information you're providing. I have no doubt it would reach him.

[A little fib, but not entirely. Who knew? Next Ingress malfunction could land them with yet another dead Spectre. Nothing was outside of imagination.]

TEXT [PRIVATE]

[beautifulspaceraptor]

okay you know what

i can live with this. i can live with Saren finding out.

i will go down in history being the guy who plastered pictures of the most infamous Spectre alive sneezing all over everywhere. he can come fight me about it i am so fuckin ready

TEXT [PRIVATE]

[squadgoals]

[She tried. By god, Nihlus, she tried.]

You seem pretty confident. Got the chops to back it up?

[beautifulspaceraptor]

[ It's okay, Shepard. It's okay. ]

i haven't lost a fight with anyone of my squaddies yet and they're all fuckin cocky hierarchy asswipes who are twice my height

i can take on Arterius just fucking watch me

Private; video

[kaijumanic]

Nihlus? You okay there buddy?

[He's grinning though because this tiny Turian is adorable.]

I'll take you up on that vid porn! Is it just Turian or is there multiple species? I need some for science. And stuff.

[SURE NEWT. SCIENCE.]

Private; video

[beautifulspaceraptor]

It's a whole bunch of different species! I mean, it's mostly Turian, Krogan and Asari as far as I can tell? Some humans and a smattering of other species here and there.

[ He pauses to check on the omni-tool. ]

There's even some Hanar stuff!

[ Then he pauses and squints at Newt. ]

Anyways, who the fuck are you and how do you know me?

private; video

[kaijumanic]

I have no idea what any of those species are but I'll take it!

[He gives a sheepish grin.]

I know a version of you I think? Some time bullshit is going down. But I know the older Nihlus.

[[ooc; jfc im so sorry this got buried in my inbox.]]

[beautifulspaceraptor]

Ehhh, you'll find out soon enough. They're pretty well labeled.

[ When he said it was well curated, he means it was VERY well curated. Everything tidily titled and tagged right down to the names of the actors and the genres, as Newt will soon find out. Very easy to search through.

(There are some peculiar little exceptions though, and those vids feature an oddly familiar rust-brown Turian in them, although distinctly lacking in tell-tale facial markings. Teen!Nihlus clearly didn't really bother to manually go through most of the archive.)

In response to Newt's explanation, the kid rolls his eyes. ]

Older me. Fucking go figure. Anyways, I'll get the data through to you in a few hours. SOMEONE'S messed with my omni-tool's uplink and I gotta tidy that shit up.

[ Fuck you, Shepard. ]

[[ It's okay! ]]

text

[ascendit]

do you have any human stuff in there or just non-humans

text

[beautifulspaceraptor]

some human stuff! it's mostly interspecies tho

[ascendit]

what kind of other species like are we talking like you or sharkpeople or

[beautifulspaceraptor]

shark... people?

[ What's a shark. ]

well there's definitely turians like me in it. with humans. there's like two vids that's human on human tho?

[ascendit]

[Attached: Photo of a pencil sketch of this guy, albeit in more formal clothing.]

i'll take the human on human

video;

[taselikeabee]

I have a feeling you might regret this on down the road, kiddo.

Video

[beautifulspaceraptor]

Why would I regret it? It's just weird photos of Saren and like, porn-

Whoa, hey, you're a robot!

Video

[taselikeabee]

And this was the reason that Jetfire loathed everything to do with the net...

[ the jet always complained about how bogged down the Internet on Earth was. if it was clogged with stuff like this? then yes, Bee can see how that might have dropped his friend's IQ by a few points. ]

Also no. Not a robot. Not technically. [ but moving on. ] I mean you might see this later and die from second hand embarrassment.

[beautifulspaceraptor]

Not technically? What's that mean? Oh my goddess, you're so cool.

[ Nihlus' pupils are huge and he nearly has he face smushed up against the MID. ]

Wait, second hand embarrassment? Seriously?

[taselikeabee]

I mean that no one made me or my race.

[ but hey, Bee will happily take bugging eyes and excitement over the alternative. ]

It's either the embarrassment or you might not come out of your room for a few days. Usually that's what happens, right?

[leftfeet]

[Hello Nihlus. This much older version of Robin smiles down at her MID, remembering the Turian.]

...I can't say I'm familiar with the name. Is he famous among your people?

Video

[beautifulspaceraptor]

He's like, the youngest Turian Spectre ever appointed and that's despite the fact that he's Cabal and bare-faced so he's a biiiiiiiit of a big deal.

[ SHRUG. ]

Re: Video

[leftfeet]

Bare-faced?

[Off-screen, a freshly-bloomed arm hands her a book and Robin glances through it for a brief moment. It's her own notes, on the various crew members she's met on the ship, and right now she's looking up Nihlus's page.]

Ah, right. Facial markings are important to your species. What does it mean when someone is bare-faced?

[She hands the notebook back, so as to avoid seeming like she's taking notes. Rest assured, though: That's exactly what her arms are doing off-screen.]

[beautifulspaceraptor]

Uhm. Stuff? And things?

[ MORE SHRUGGING. This is kind of uncomfortable. ]

Sometimes it's exile, but mostly it's that you weren't born to a 'proper' place. Homeless. Unloyal to anything or anyone.

[ He seems to shrink in on himself, fidgeting slightly. Technically, Nihlus wasn't born to a proper place either. He started wearing his paint again out of rebellion. ]

The Hierarchy folk equate them to politicians, but there's not actually a lot of their sorts in the upper tiers.

[ ... Wait, what is up with that hand? ]

[leftfeet]

I see.

[The subject is clearly making him uncomfortable, but she doesn't have any further pressing questions, so she'll let the kid be for now.]

This Saren sounds impressive, to overcome that.

[She means it. She knows what it's like to be homeless, and without loyalties - even if she wasn't strictly born that way. To overcome something like that... well, it's not nothing.]

Do you know why you have so many pictures of him?