Video

[beautifulspaceraptor]

[ There’s a Turian face filling the screen, bright, large green eyes and youthful face, but the colony markings should be a dead give away for who it was. The moment he’s sure the camera is on, Nihlus starts chattering away. ]

So like, I finally managed to hack into my omni-tool’s data storage proper and it’s a freaking treasure trove, holy shit. There’s like a million pictures of Saren Fucking Arterius on here?

[ Cue some awkward angling with the MID to properly frame said omni-tool- and there is, indeed, a screenful of thumbnail photos of Saren Arterius. The teen scrolls through the file navigator with one hand, chortling as he does. ]

Look, look- here’s one of him picking his nose.

Here’s one of him in the middle of a sneeze.

And this one’s my favorite so far, okay okay- it’s the fucker tripping over a leaf. Haha, fuck, the extranet would have been alllll over this shit- whoa hey, he’s got a pretty nice butt for someone who’s like a millions years old. Dang.

[ Being a teenager does not seem to have cured him of his awful tastes, unfortunately. ]

Anyways, there’s also like, the most beautifully curated collection of vid porn that I have ever seen in my life, so if you want copies and aren’t like, a baby or something, just ping me!

Comments

[beautifulspaceraptor]

[ It's okay, Shepard. It's okay. ]

i haven't lost a fight with anyone of my squaddies yet and they're all fuckin cocky hierarchy asswipes who are twice my height

i can take on Arterius just fucking watch me

[squadgoals]

Pampered hierarchy babies aren't exactly stiff competition, bud. You prepared to take on a Spectre with years of experience, one on one?

[beautifulspaceraptor]

hell

fucking

YEAH

[ Shep, did you just inadvertently insult your own boyfriend. ]

[squadgoals]

[IT WASN'T INADVERTENT JUST

Sometimes you have to eat a few punches to get the KO.]

Well, you've got guts. I'd love to help you keep them in your carapace.

Where are you?

[Adult Nihlus, if I have to crush your omni-tool... I'm sure you'll forgive me. 8|]

[beautifulspaceraptor]

[ You mean your boyfriend has to eat a few punches to get the KO. ]

nowhere you gotta know bout.

[ It's never that easy is it. ]

[squadgoals]

[SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP]

So you're soloing this and not accepting help?

Any way I can prove my trustworthiness?

[beautifulspaceraptor]

i solo everything anyways it's not like anyone ever actually listens and i'm still frikkin awesome lol

also, what??? i don't want your trustworthiness haha you fucking weirdo

[squadgoals]

[Teenagers. Are such a joy.]

Suit yourself.

[There's no further reply, but any further attempts to send media or information of any kind on the omni-tool's outlink are jammed. Any and all queries into the error are returned promptly with the system reporting that there is no error. Further rooting will reveal that the omni-tool has been effectively and skillfully remote-recoded to "local network only" — it can only share with... itself. Whatever outlink recoded it closed the door behind itself carefully, erasing any trace of who did it.

Rerouting it back onto the MID network is doable... but time-consuming. To the tune of several hours.

His MID, is, of course, intact and untouched! Perfect for communication minus embarrassing, compromising materials!]

[beautifulspaceraptor]

FUCKING

WHAT

YOU

WHAT DID YOU DO

[ He's sure he can get through it, but it'll take hours to undo completely. FRICK. ]

[squadgoals]

Something wrong?

[beautifulspaceraptor]

[ YEAH, HE'S NOT ANSWERING THIS.

ASSHOLE!!! ]

[squadgoals]

[You'll thank me when you're older.]