Video

[beautifulspaceraptor]

[ There’s a Turian face filling the screen, bright, large green eyes and youthful face, but the colony markings should be a dead give away for who it was. The moment he’s sure the camera is on, Nihlus starts chattering away. ]

So like, I finally managed to hack into my omni-tool’s data storage proper and it’s a freaking treasure trove, holy shit. There’s like a million pictures of Saren Fucking Arterius on here?

[ Cue some awkward angling with the MID to properly frame said omni-tool- and there is, indeed, a screenful of thumbnail photos of Saren Arterius. The teen scrolls through the file navigator with one hand, chortling as he does. ]

Look, look- here’s one of him picking his nose.

Here’s one of him in the middle of a sneeze.

And this one’s my favorite so far, okay okay- it’s the fucker tripping over a leaf. Haha, fuck, the extranet would have been alllll over this shit- whoa hey, he’s got a pretty nice butt for someone who’s like a millions years old. Dang.

[ Being a teenager does not seem to have cured him of his awful tastes, unfortunately. ]

Anyways, there’s also like, the most beautifully curated collection of vid porn that I have ever seen in my life, so if you want copies and aren’t like, a baby or something, just ping me!

Comments

TEXT

[squadgoals]

[Oh. Oh no. Ohhh nooo.]

Don't take this the wrong way, but if you're smart, you'll delete this immediately.

Private; video

[kaijumanic]

Nihlus? You okay there buddy?

[He's grinning though because this tiny Turian is adorable.]

I'll take you up on that vid porn! Is it just Turian or is there multiple species? I need some for science. And stuff.

[SURE NEWT. SCIENCE.]

TEXT

[beautifulspaceraptor]

what

why?

oh shit wait is Saren onboard

text

[ascendit]

do you have any human stuff in there or just non-humans

Private; video

[beautifulspaceraptor]

It's a whole bunch of different species! I mean, it's mostly Turian, Krogan and Asari as far as I can tell? Some humans and a smattering of other species here and there.

[ He pauses to check on the omni-tool. ]

There's even some Hanar stuff!

[ Then he pauses and squints at Newt. ]

Anyways, who the fuck are you and how do you know me?

text

[beautifulspaceraptor]

some human stuff! it's mostly interspecies tho

TEXT [PRIVATE]

[squadgoals]

[It is far too early post-cryo to be reflecting on why the hell this is happening, but here we are. Two and two are certainly creating negative four, however impossible the number may be.]

No. But there is, without a doubt, people who would pass on and sell the information you're providing. I have no doubt it would reach him.

[A little fib, but not entirely. Who knew? Next Ingress malfunction could land them with yet another dead Spectre. Nothing was outside of imagination.]

video;

[taselikeabee]

I have a feeling you might regret this on down the road, kiddo.

[ascendit]

what kind of other species like are we talking like you or sharkpeople or

TEXT [PRIVATE]

[beautifulspaceraptor]

okay you know what

i can live with this. i can live with Saren finding out.

i will go down in history being the guy who plastered pictures of the most infamous Spectre alive sneezing all over everywhere. he can come fight me about it i am so fuckin ready

[beautifulspaceraptor]

shark... people?

[ What's a shark. ]

well there's definitely turians like me in it. with humans. there's like two vids that's human on human tho?

[ascendit]

[Attached: Photo of a pencil sketch of this guy, albeit in more formal clothing.]

i'll take the human on human

TEXT [PRIVATE]

[squadgoals]

[She tried. By god, Nihlus, she tried.]

You seem pretty confident. Got the chops to back it up?

Video

[beautifulspaceraptor]

Why would I regret it? It's just weird photos of Saren and like, porn-

Whoa, hey, you're a robot!

Video

[taselikeabee]

And this was the reason that Jetfire loathed everything to do with the net...

[ the jet always complained about how bogged down the Internet on Earth was. if it was clogged with stuff like this? then yes, Bee can see how that might have dropped his friend's IQ by a few points. ]

Also no. Not a robot. Not technically. [ but moving on. ] I mean you might see this later and die from second hand embarrassment.

[beautifulspaceraptor]

[ It's okay, Shepard. It's okay. ]

i haven't lost a fight with anyone of my squaddies yet and they're all fuckin cocky hierarchy asswipes who are twice my height

i can take on Arterius just fucking watch me

[beautifulspaceraptor]

whoa lol that's a funny lookin fucker. i haven't seen anything like that in my life tho haha

anyways

[ There's a tidy little file of human porn for Nate on MID a few minutes later. Have at, buddy! ]

[beautifulspaceraptor]

Not technically? What's that mean? Oh my goddess, you're so cool.

[ Nihlus' pupils are huge and he nearly has he face smushed up against the MID. ]

Wait, second hand embarrassment? Seriously?

[taselikeabee]

I mean that no one made me or my race.

[ but hey, Bee will happily take bugging eyes and excitement over the alternative. ]

It's either the embarrassment or you might not come out of your room for a few days. Usually that's what happens, right?

[ascendit]

he's the only one i've met

thanks

[squadgoals]

Pampered hierarchy babies aren't exactly stiff competition, bud. You prepared to take on a Spectre with years of experience, one on one?

[beautifulspaceraptor]

hell

fucking

YEAH

[ Shep, did you just inadvertently insult your own boyfriend. ]

[beautifulspaceraptor]

Oooohh. So are you like, energy beings inhabiting a body then?

[ Because those bodies are clearly made, man. ]

Do I really look like someone who might get second-hand embarrassment, mate?

[taselikeabee]

Cybertronians are a mechanical race. Our sparks are more closer to the concept of a soul than just a mere sources of power. The spark defines who the person is. We age, catch illnesses, and can die just like anyone else.

[ so really, they aren't that much different. only in body, really. ]

And I don't know. When all the weirdness is done, you might be. I haven't really talked to you long enough to form an opinion one way or another.

[squadgoals]

[IT WASN'T INADVERTENT JUST

Sometimes you have to eat a few punches to get the KO.]

Well, you've got guts. I'd love to help you keep them in your carapace.

Where are you?

[Adult Nihlus, if I have to crush your omni-tool... I'm sure you'll forgive me. 8|]