text | pancho vanilla

[beeped]

have you seen this baby godzilla?

[There's a photo of a small, mini-Compsognathus. It's clearly a young one, barely the size of a chick.]

now you have and he's the cutest fucking thing and i'm keeping him forever. i saved him from all that grey water, it was such a shitty situation.

anyway, the thing is that little teddie here isn't like littlefoot and doesn't give a shit about tree stars

so what's a fella to do? i tried the soylent crap and he got kinda bored with it. i figure he must like the taste of people directly and not processed or whatever. does anyone have a bug or mouse problem? teddie is down to be pimped out for live eats. or i at least think he might like that better.

also if anyone's got stuff i can use for a leash and collar let me know. if he's anything like me i'm going to need it

Comments

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[clussy]

You didn't actually call him Teddie did you.

[beeped]

uhhhh yeah because that's his name
i thought that was obvious. did you forget how to read?

[clussy]

Unfortunately not.



So why Teddie.

(Amuse him, Richie. He already knows, but Lord.)

[beeped]

what's it called when you mix two words together? like smog is smoke and fog?

teddie is that but for tiny and cute

[clussy]

Tiny and cute do not make Teddie. Do YOU remember how to read?

If you're naming this dino for the reason I think you're naming him, I'm not getting you any more hot chocolate.

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[minutetominute]

Richie what the hell.

I can make you a leash but you're going to need a muzzle for that little monster. That's a predator you've got and he's going to eat you in your sleep if you don't get a crate or something to keep him in.

[beeped]

he's ain't a monster, he's my son. look all i gotta do is keep giving him food and he'll know to eat that and not me. it doesn't hurt that much anyway, and he likes sleeping on my pillow

[minutetominute]

[Somewhere in the hall of music Jughead is covering his face with both hands. Richie, you fucking moron. But he knows kids enough to know just telling Richie it's a bad idea isn't going to help.]

Find him a box and fill it with things for him to tear apart. Things with that many teeth like to chew and you don't want him deciding Eddie is a chew toy, do you? He might eat his eyes out while you sleep.

They're big fans of eyes.

[beeped]

[Somewhere, far far away from Jughead, there's a thirteen year old shrieking.]

what the shit. are you fucking with me? how do you know anyway?
did you grow up with dinosaurs? wow you're older than i thought.

[minutetominute]

Better. I come from the informed time period after the horrific disaster of Jurassic Park. So sad, all those people who got eaten because a few scientists decided to play god.

[Jurassic Park might be a book and movie series, but Jughead has no issue leaving that part out.]

A pack of that little guy you've got there partially ate a little girl and killed a few dino hunters.

video;

[shiro2hero]

If you find any multicolored mice, do not try to feed them to your dinosaur.

video

[beeped]

[Richie's eyes widen, jaw dropping.]

Why not? Different colors are different flavors. What if he likes variety?

video

[shiro2hero]

Because they belong to a friend of mine. They're important to her.

video

[beeped]

Oh. [That's a good enough reason. He's quiet for a brief moment, petting Teddie carefully.] Are they normal multicolors or not normal ones?

Just 'cause I don't want Teddie to eat the wrong ones.

video

[shiro2hero]

[That's a good sign. And his tone softens.]

They're not normal colors for mice, no. Yellow, blue, green and pink.

[januaryember]

if he ever chomps at my little guy, I will murder you in your sleep.

[Bev is very protective of her dinosaur.]

[beeped]

holy shit do you need a tampon to soak up that attitude?

anyway, teddie wouldn't hurt a fly unless he was hungry

[Thirteen year old boys are a waste of space.]

[januaryember]

I am not above throwing a used tampon at you.

[She loves you, Richie, really.]

Teddie is a meat-eater

[beeped]

considering the state of your bathroom that doesn't surprise me

[It's mutual.]

and? between meat and leaves, teddie made the obvious choice

text;

[sketchycharacter]

if he's a meat eater you could see if he wants to nibble your toes
he's a little guy and you probably don't need all of them, it could work

[beeped]

oh man! i could just cut off entire foot. if i keep it on ice, it'll probably last until he's all grown up
that's a great idea. do you got a bone saw?

[sketchycharacter]

maybe not the whole thing
you never know when you might need to run from something
but toes, sure
no bone saw here but try medical

[beeped]

i can just get a peg leg and hop around. and then i can find a roller skate
how could would it be to run and skate at the same time!
okay thanks i'm going to go cut off my foot now

[ex_bossily211]

I'm not sure that was grey water, Richie.

[Because that's the important part here.]

[beeped]

did you get a whiff of it yourself?

[In fairness, water purity should always be important.]