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have you seen this baby godzilla?

[There's a photo of a small, mini-Compsognathus. It's clearly a young one, barely the size of a chick.]

now you have and he's the cutest fucking thing and i'm keeping him forever. i saved him from all that grey water, it was such a shitty situation.

anyway, the thing is that little teddie here isn't like littlefoot and doesn't give a shit about tree stars

so what's a fella to do? i tried the soylent crap and he got kinda bored with it. i figure he must like the taste of people directly and not processed or whatever. does anyone have a bug or mouse problem? teddie is down to be pimped out for live eats. or i at least think he might like that better.

also if anyone's got stuff i can use for a leash and collar let me know. if he's anything like me i'm going to need it

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where's my fucking crown then? better get me one of those. i wanna wear it built into a hat like jugs

exactly. that's the most important thing

yall just like trashing me

What, Jugs like Jughead?

I like trashing you because it makes you laugh half the time. I cant speak for the others.

yeah. his hat has those pokey parts so it sorta looks like a crown

but fuck eds am i laughing right now???????????

yes

I bet Jughead could pick me up.

Probably.

Yeah I am not at all shocked.

well no shit he lifted me before
did you like those stealth guns
he probably could lift you with his pinky

but am i laughing at you or am i laughing at
but fuck

butt fuck

i'm a comedic genius

Edited 2018-01-13 04:33 (UTC)

You lifted me before too
You also kind of dropped me but that's okay

It might be a thing I like.

I don't really know what I'd do if he picked me up.

OH MY GOD RICHIE. YOU AREN'T FUNNY

(Except he's giggling hysterically.)

you like being dropped?
or you might like jughead picking you up?
i bet you'd shriek and flail and be really cute about it

YES I AM
DON'T YOU DARE DENY IT EDWARD SPAGHETTI KASPBRAK

Being picked up in general. It's fun.

Being dropped sucks. I would never recommend that to literally anyone.

That is not being cute! That's just embarrassing!! (Probably accurate though.)

THAT ISN'T MY MIDDLE NAME RICHARD TRASHMOUTH TOZIER

really

i'm gonna grow muscles and next time i won't drop you

if you looked up cute in the dictionary there would be a mirror so you could see how you look when you're all screechy

DON'T DISRESPECT YOUR FAMILY LEGACY, EDDO SPAGHETTO. YOU KNOW YOU ARE NAMED AFTER YOUR GREAT GRANDFATHER GIUSEPPE SPAGHETTI, FROM BACK IN THE OLD COUNTRY

Yeah. I like it. I liked it when you did it too. Before the dropping part anyway.

Is that a promise?

If there was a mirror in the dictionary then wouldn't it just be everyone in the world who looks at 'cute' being cute?

Yeah well you're from a collective bloodline of purebred dumpsters

what if i just carried you everywhere

yeah. i'm learning how to fight so i can learn how to get stronger too

nope because it's a magic mirror. you'd see a mirror, everyone else just sees a picture of the cutest boy ever

probably inbred too. there's only so much garbage around

What, you'd do that? Wouldn't that be a pain?

Future you did look kinda like a stud

Wow I can't believe I'd see a mirror but everyone else would just see a picture of you.

Eugh that's so gross, Richie!
Though I wouldn't be shocked coming from Derry.

maybe but think of how macho it'd make me

[He has to take a moment for himself. Be still, heart.]

you think so?

only because the photo they see is of both of us

it's probably why i'm blind and look funny
maybe that's the reason why i'm alone in the future

(Oh well. See this had been fine through text and everything, but that last part makes Eddie's everything go on high alert.

Richie Tozier wasn't allowed to be self-deprecating around him. So Eddie's voice comes out instead of text.)

Excuse you. You are not funny looking. I wouldn't let a funny looking boy carry me around, you know. And you're only alone in that future because you don't have me. If you did, I'd be there with you while you got famous. I'd be front row at every show. Your biggest fan. So shut up.

That future's fucked up. It's not our reality.

[It was self-depreciating joke, but it had been just that. He's not surprised that Eddie switches to voice to tell him off. If anything, he likes it.]

Aw, Eds. I didn't really mean it. I know the future's fucked up, and it'd be different if it went how it was supposed to. [Which begs to question what that's supposed to be, but he knows it's the opposite of everything they saw.]

I'd rather you be backstage.

Uh-huh. (Eddie doesn't care if it was a joke. He didn't like those jokes.

He almost asks how it's supposed to be, but then there's that and he finds himself tipping his head.)

Why backstage?

You're my friend. I don't want you to be my fan.

[It's not really connecting that Eddie could be both.] If you were backstage we could hang out beforehand and stuff. And then we could go to after parties together. Or if it's like a comedy tour or something we can just roadtrip everywhere.

(Eddie was about to say he was both, but he's lost in the fantastic idea of being on a roadtrip with Richie.)

That would be really fun. We could see a lot more than lousy Maine. I guess we technically already have with the space travel and everything, but that's different. I've never really been to a party before.

Wouldn't it? We could see all sorts of places. Like the Grand Canyon. And like every other place in the world.

Me neither, but they could be fun? I dunno, I think you have to like them if you're famous.

I've always wanted to go to New York City.

Maybe. I don't know if you have to like them, but you probably have to tolerate them.

Then we'll go to the Big Apple and check out all the cool places.

I guess we'll both find out if we like them. If we don't we'll just sneak away and go do funner things.

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