Text post;

[kaijumanic]

ok listen up guys gals and all the inbetweens
my names newt geiszler and not only am i a fucking stand up guy and a riot to be around but im also the worlds leading xenobiologist/cryptozoologist/guy who's gonna save the world when he gets back assuming it hasnt been trashed by the kaiju

oh hey thats a point does time stop back home and we just slot back in or is time still moving in other dimensions?? since apparently this ISNT a coma and im actually stuck in a weird alternate universe spaceship with transformers and comics people walking around
which cmon can you blame me for thinking this was a coma like
fucking transformers

IM GETTING OFF POINT
anyway so
me=expert on all things kaiju and alien
you=potential NEW ALIENS FOR ME TO STUDY

you see where this is going right??
basically im not about to give up my totally awesome rockstar name of worlds leading xenobiologist and so i gotta know all about the alien species that live on the ship
gotta give me something to do since i cant continue my kaiju research unless theres a mind reader on board I might as well start fresh
anything thats not human is pretty much an alien sorry if thats space racist but them the breaks

dont worry im not gonna ask if you have tentacles for dicks or whatever but i am geninuely interested in learning about new species and planets where you guys originate and biology specifically
plus if you let me study you and end up getting hurt you get a shiny new medic so
WIN/WIN
AMIRITE

im mostly chilling out in engineering since i live there now but i do actually hve a room too on the Nomo deck if thats more your bag
so come on down and let me study you!!

EDIT:
wow ok reading this back it makes me sound like i wanna harvest your organs or preform cavity searches but wow i promise im not gonna do that I JUST WANNA MEET SOME COOL ALIENS who don't wanna stomp on my city and harvest my word for resources we can do the cavity searches after you buy me dinner first if u know what i mean B)

EDIT 2:
fuck no scratch that im not a xenophile either what the fuck is wrong with me

[OOC: Newt is a fan of pop culture and knows a fair amount of nerdy culture and canons! Please check out my fourth walling permissions and lemme know if you're cool with potentially getting fourth walled by filling in my opt in or opt out form please u3u]

Comments

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[wallride]

big dreams, coma dude

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[kaijumanic]

hey
gotta do something to keep me from dying of boredom right?

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[beautifulspaceraptor]

Doctor Geiszler , at least buy us lunch first.

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[kaijumanic]

ughhhhh dont call me doctor nihlus it makes me feel like a billion years old

and lunch can be arranged dude you just had to ask!

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[ventifact]

you're more excitable than i thought

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[kaijumanic]

you didnt figure that out when i freaked about your droid?

[cyborged]

[turns out alternate Newt is a fucking loon too who would've guess not that Raiden's a stalker or anything what]

Surely you should be buying them dinner first.

[kaijumanic]

i dont wanna date them just figure out how their insides work

but i guess thats probably the polite thing to do? most of my research was on large dead pieces of alien so
not used to flirting with them to get details

video;

[redshitlord]

.... What's a xenophile?

video;

[kaijumanic]

[He has the decency to look a little flustered when the videofeed clicks on, fidgeting endlessly.]

Uhh, that's probably something you don't need to know about. Yup. Not gonna tell yah, don't worry about it buddy.

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[fullcowl]

You study kaiju?

[There's a profession like that out there??]

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[kaijumanic]

yeah! im the earths leading expert on them! im the one who figured out how to neutralise the toxins in kaiju blue and specimens so we can actually
yknow
study them without wearing a hazmat suit
because wheres the fun in investigative science if you cant go elbows deep in kaiju entrails i mean seriously

of course thats just one of the things i figured out but im not gonna bore you with that

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[knaval]

you what mate

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[kaijumanic]

what part dont you understand i didnt exactly use any big words

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[prorenataa]

Here I thought I was the most socially inept member of this crew.

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[kaijumanic]

wow

wowwwww

do you actually have anything useful to share with the class or are you just gonna keep making fun of the guy with six phds

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[keelahselai]

[What did she do to deserve this. Actually what.]

I would never want to get in the way of you making friends, and I'm sure dozens of these real people you've reduced to your new science experiment are dying to meet you, but I don't want them crowding engineering.

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[kaijumanic]

[YOU LOVE HIM TALI]

where else am i supposed to do this stuff? its not like i have a lab like back home where i can just do autopsies

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[mylawn]

[gggeEEZ]

Calm down.

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[kaijumanic]

i didnt even write this post in all caps im not freaking out
im totally calm?? like you guys need to chill if anything yeesh

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[hatesimprovising]

Your title is misleading. We're not on a world for you to be 'leading xenobiologist' of.

[ It's weak shitposting, but he's bedridden and it's boring as hell. Sue him. ]

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[kaijumanic]

wow first off: rude
second: did you not read the fucking post

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[happyclappyhippydrippy]

So did you ever actually go see a medic like I told you to? I'm having doubts.

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[kaijumanic]

mmmmmaaaaybe not but im totally fine

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[arcreact]

[ They're probably sitting in the same room, even, but Tony's doing it this way because 1. publicly giving this guy shit is important to him and 2. it bypasses the unpleasant task of actually having to talk to him. ]

nice approach
i hear dick pics work just as well while you're at it

action

[kaijumanic]

[They ARE in the same room, and Newt looks up over his shoulder and gives a short snort at Tony, before grabbing a pencil and paper and scribbling something out.

When Tony checks his messages, he's going to get a photo of the drawing--an anatomically correct kaiju penis with tony's head drawn at the tip.]

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[otiosity]

reading this was exhausting i think i need a nap.

also if i were going to ask people to get studied i'd at least tempt them with a drink. there are a lot of alcoholics in here, alien or not.

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[kaijumanic]

oh cmon it wasnt that bad i didnt even ramble as much as i couldve

yeah im

starting to figure out that maybe i shoulda thought this through somemore

[imaginary_wife]

You know we do have medical information in Med Bay. I also got some sex ed books for the adventurous so you don't attempt something ill-advised and possibly painful. You seem like the type to not know what you're getting into.

[kaijumanic]

WOAH WOAH who said anything about needing SEX ED books??? HAHA NOT ME

not me at all fucking heck

but uh ok cool
what medical info you got? can i come read some of it? is it like a compendium of all the species we have on the ship and various ways to treat them or is it just general humanoid info?

[backsassin]

For a supposed expert on all things alien, you sure are terrible at talking to them. [Though Zam gets the feeling that this guy isn’t exactly great at talking to his own species either.]

You ever even meet a non-human outside a laboratory before?

[kaijumanic]

im pretty terrible at talking to humans too so tats not really that surprising
lets call it a personality disorder

no! the aliens i study back home are huge, thousands of tons in weight and hundreds of feet tall
im lucky if i get a complete and in tact organ to dissect let alone anything with living tissue
i havent even seen the skin parasites that come ontop of th kaiju ever make it to the lab alive

[morethan084]

Yeah, no. You still come off as creepy.

[Well she's totally not telling him she's half alien now.]

[kaijumanic]

i mean thats not what i was going for
im kinda bad at this

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[procedures]

[ Holy hell is this post ticking him off. ]

None of this was funny.

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[kaijumanic]

i wasnt... trying to be funny????

not enough knock knock jokes for you huh?

Voice;

[redrust]

[Good lord, whoever gave Vengarl's MID a text-to-voice setting is a monster.]

I don't know who is speaking right now or why, but please. Stop.

[His voice is so tired. The MID is right up against his ear and he doesn't have any hands to move it with.]

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[kaijumanic]

dude that was all typed out

[VIDEO]

[onlytwoexpressions]

An expert in all things alien?

That's quite the claim for a human.

[kaijumanic]

[OH NO ITS THE LARGE. He looks a little flustered. goodness.]

At least with the aliens I've encountered, and we've reall only scratched the surface there. Hence the post! Gotta keep learning and uphold my title. Can't claim that I'm an expert if I don't know how a T-Cog works or map out spark chambers, right?

I don't usually have--uh subjects--that can talk, so I wanna take advantage while I can.

[deconstruct]

[ holy son of a what. The edits don't make it better, man. They make it worse.

And he just promised Val the other day no one here's looking to steal organs. Balls. ]

...No.

[ that's it, that's all. ]

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[kaijumanic]

alternatively: yes

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[sorryitasedyou]

[ And here she thought she was a rambler. Oh boy. ]

So many words.
You hungry?

[ And this totally has nothing to do with the post, buuuuuuuut eh. He's gotten enough backlash and she's gonna offer a chance for a break if he wants it. Also feeding science types is kind of a default setting. ]

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[kaijumanic]

yeaaah i got carried away ok

oh hell yeah
what you got darc im ALWAYS hungry

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[pawpsiclepeddler]

Wow, yeah, that's quite a way to introduce yourself. Great way to make yourself look like a potential serial killer right off the bat.

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[kaijumanic]

fuck it DOES sound like im a serial killer when i read it back now

goddamn

[Text from a lamp]

[harderfasterwrecker]

ITS BRAIN LEAKING GUY

you lived!!!!!!!!!!!

also

if ur really keen on getting under everyones plating

i can offer a starscream

we have two

no one will miss one

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[kaijumanic]

im not trying to get under anyones plating :( just trying to keep myself busy

shit you guys have TWO???

wow

how fucking terrible

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[inruins]

If I catch you trying to study my children you will be very sorry.

If you had approached this akin to an actual scientist I would explain some things regarding my people. Right now you are... presenting a terrible picture of yourself.

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[kaijumanic]

dude im not going to study anyone without permission!! this whole thing was worded completely wrong and im actually a scientist! i have like 6 phds and everything
im bad at talking to people and aliens apparently in a way that doesnt make me sound like a maniac

my interest is purely academic i promise :(