video;

[saidsarcastically]

[It takes him a minute to figure out how to work the MID. Sure, he's from 2287, but he's far too used to the bulkier tech with lots of nobs and buttons and switches.]

My name's William. I've been assigned as the Child Protection Officer.

[He wonders if the captains have a really twisted sense of humor. "Hey, let's give the guy with the kidnapped son the job of looking after all the children!" Either way, it's his job and he intends to do it.]

What that means is, I'm supposed to make sure you rascals are safe. So, yeah, don't run with scissors, or play with fire, yadda yadda. [He's obviously joking, but after a moment he adds with a little less of his joking tone:] If any of you feel like you're in some kind of danger or need any kind of help, feel free to contact me.

You can find me at the bar mostly.

[Quickly adding:]

Kidding, kidding.

[Behind every joke there's some truth.]

Comments

[bosswald]

How many children are on board?

[saidsarcastically]

From what I gather? Enough.

[Enough that he probably will spend a lot of time at the bar.]

[bosswald]

And you're their only guardian?

[She sounds and looks more than a little bothered by that fact.]

text

[arcreact]

you're supposed to tell them to stay in school
c'mon
don't make me do your job for you

[ BECAUSE CERTAINLY TONY STARK IS AN EXPERT HERE ]

text

[saidsarcastically]

that was implied in the "yadda yadda"
i got the important ones down, all right

[They're both obviously experts.]

text

[arcreact]

honestly, pal, that's just lazy
think of the children

voice;

[kidjoy]

And why are we supposed to trust ya for help? Just cause the kidnappin' captains gave ya a fancy job title?

voice;

[saidsarcastically]

[This is honestly the type of reaction he's used to.]

Yes.

[There's a small pause before he just laughs, because he's an idiot and thinks he's funny.]

Honestly, you absolutely do not have to trust me, and I don't expect anyone to. It's just an option I'm putting out there.

[That doesn't mean he's not going to be keeping an eye out, of course.]

voice;

[kidjoy]

Not an option nobody with a right mind would take. It's kinda creepy gettin' on this thing and offerin' to help a bunch of lil' kids. Kinda creepy the captains are just tossin' whoever at the kids to watch 'em.

video

[knaval]

Can I volunteer people?

[because riptide can think of a few. coughsideswipeandbumblebeecough]

video

[saidsarcastically]

[That sure is a robot unlike any he's seen. He is more impressed than surprised, though.]

By all means, go ahead.

[But seriously what did he get himself into?]

Re: video

[knaval]

Bumblebee and Tailgate. They are basically kids, don't let them fool you by telling you they're thousands of years old. That's still baby.

[though tailgate is only really naive, riptide is a dick.]

video;

[sketchycharacter]

Kinda fucked that there are enough kids here to need one, don't you think?

video;

[saidsarcastically]

No kidding. [It actually disturbs him way more than he's letting on.] And I checked. Aside from me there's - what, one other title dedicated to some kind of child care?

Talk about understaffed.

video;

[sketchycharacter]

Are we talking technical minors or little kids? Because teenagers can take care of themselves a lot better than people think, but children shouldn't have to be here at all. They're kids.

video;

[gainedlove]

I know not t' run with scissors!

[They're not five, gosh.]

video;

[saidsarcastically]

Well I certainly wish someone had told me at your age.

[He may be speaking with a teasing tone but he miiight have had a lot of stupid accidents as a kid.]

Video 1/2

[devilofohara]

[Robin turns on the video feed, her eyes are wide and deep frown is running across her face.]

Um. Mister William?

[The groan of another child can be heard in the background.]

You said it was okay to call you if we need help, right?

Video 2/2 (cw for implied amputation)

[heart_breaking]

H-Hey, um--Robin?!

[There's a distinct note of panic as Chara interrupts, and William is being faced with the back of another child that can't be more than ten years old. They're dwarfed in the folds of an adult-sized jacket, one sleeve dangling empty and limp, the other scrunched up. They look one-armed.]

Oh no. Oh no-- [They swing around, holding something in their hand and thrusting it towards the camera.]

It just fell off! Just now! I'm wounded, I'm maimed, I'm--Help me, anyone!

[They're holding a disembodied arm by its stump, and it's just the right size to fit on a small, panicking child with an empty sleeve like theirs. Steady nerves will note the lack of gristle or blood, as well as the fake distress, but nothing short of it will make this any less alarming.]

video;

[inruins]

[Enjoy this warm welcome from a giant goat looking monster, William. Toriel does seem genuinely happy to greet him at least.]

Ah, welcome, William! I am Toriel, I am the current Underaged Crew Caretaking Officer! It seems we'll be working closely together in the future.

video;

[saidsarcastically]

[That is a giant goat looking monster. Granted William has been treated to the sight of much worse back home, this was still out of the norm. But her skin isn't falling off, she's not foaming at the mouth, and she has an overall pleasant demeanor, so it's cool.]

Nice to meet you, Toriel. Uh, question.

Why the hell are there only two of us?

video

[paixatoutprix]

[Paz looks momentarily put out, a sulky expression on her young-looking face.]

You know, it is kind of hard to tell me not to play with fire, or scissors, or anything like that when I am an Assistant Chef.

[It's hard to keep up the expression though, which splits into a smile - she's only teasing.]

video

[saidsarcastically]

You'll just have to wear safety goggles. You'll look utterly ridiculous but better safe than sorry, right?

video;

[vaccinations]

That title sounds more fucking creepy than comforting. They know that right?

video;

[saidsarcastically]

I like to think they do and just have a really bad sense of humor. [Like William is one to talk about a bad sense of humor.] At least that would mean they're aware of it.