video;

[saidsarcastically]

[It takes him a minute to figure out how to work the MID. Sure, he's from 2287, but he's far too used to the bulkier tech with lots of nobs and buttons and switches.]

My name's William. I've been assigned as the Child Protection Officer.

[He wonders if the captains have a really twisted sense of humor. "Hey, let's give the guy with the kidnapped son the job of looking after all the children!" Either way, it's his job and he intends to do it.]

What that means is, I'm supposed to make sure you rascals are safe. So, yeah, don't run with scissors, or play with fire, yadda yadda. [He's obviously joking, but after a moment he adds with a little less of his joking tone:] If any of you feel like you're in some kind of danger or need any kind of help, feel free to contact me.

You can find me at the bar mostly.

[Quickly adding:]

Kidding, kidding.

[Behind every joke there's some truth.]

Comments

[bosswald]

How many children are on board?

[saidsarcastically]

From what I gather? Enough.

[Enough that he probably will spend a lot of time at the bar.]

[bosswald]

And you're their only guardian?

[She sounds and looks more than a little bothered by that fact.]

[saidsarcastically]

Jesus, I hope not.

[He's laughing as he says it but he really hopes he's not the only one with some kind of child protection job title.]

I'm sure there are others.

[bosswald]

I'm going to speak to the captains, and ask that I take on child protective duties to help you. And whoever else is assigned the task, of course.

[She's happy now, to finally find some kind of purpose she enjoys and is motivated by.]

I'm a nanny back home, and I'm also in the process of becoming a teacher in London. I'd like to make sure the children on board are well cared for and properly educated, if you don't mind my assisting you. I've been assigned the position of gardner, but I don't see any harm in taking on another title.

[saidsarcastically]

Seriously?

[He wasn't expecting that!]

Hey, if you're up for it, I won't say no to help. I'm...well, I'm a new father. Going from looking after one kid to a bunch threw me for a loop.

[bosswald]

A new father.

[Clara says it fondly, because she wants to be a mother someday.]

I'm sorry you have to be away from your baby, but it sounds as if the captains were smart putting you in charge of the children here.

text

[arcreact]

you're supposed to tell them to stay in school
c'mon
don't make me do your job for you

[ BECAUSE CERTAINLY TONY STARK IS AN EXPERT HERE ]

text

[saidsarcastically]

that was implied in the "yadda yadda"
i got the important ones down, all right

[They're both obviously experts.]

[saidsarcastically]

[He wants to argue that, but the last thing he's going to do is put one of his big major insecurities out there.]

I've already got the dad jokes down. If that doesn't qualify me for dealing with children then nothing does.

voice;

[kidjoy]

And why are we supposed to trust ya for help? Just cause the kidnappin' captains gave ya a fancy job title?

voice;

[saidsarcastically]

[This is honestly the type of reaction he's used to.]

Yes.

[There's a small pause before he just laughs, because he's an idiot and thinks he's funny.]

Honestly, you absolutely do not have to trust me, and I don't expect anyone to. It's just an option I'm putting out there.

[That doesn't mean he's not going to be keeping an eye out, of course.]

voice;

[kidjoy]

Not an option nobody with a right mind would take. It's kinda creepy gettin' on this thing and offerin' to help a bunch of lil' kids. Kinda creepy the captains are just tossin' whoever at the kids to watch 'em.

voice;

[saidsarcastically]

I'm a father. That's my reasoning for taking this seriously. Because I know if my son ended up in a place like this without me, I'd want people looking after him.

[Just throwing that out there, not that he expects that to ease her mind. He's used to the paranoid mentality, even if he is pre-war.]

And the captains are creepy, I'm not arguing with you there.

video

[knaval]

Can I volunteer people?

[because riptide can think of a few. coughsideswipeandbumblebeecough]

video

[saidsarcastically]

[That sure is a robot unlike any he's seen. He is more impressed than surprised, though.]

By all means, go ahead.

[But seriously what did he get himself into?]

video;

[sketchycharacter]

Kinda fucked that there are enough kids here to need one, don't you think?

Re: video

[knaval]

Bumblebee and Tailgate. They are basically kids, don't let them fool you by telling you they're thousands of years old. That's still baby.

[though tailgate is only really naive, riptide is a dick.]

video;

[saidsarcastically]

No kidding. [It actually disturbs him way more than he's letting on.] And I checked. Aside from me there's - what, one other title dedicated to some kind of child care?

Talk about understaffed.

[saidsarcastically]

On a scale of 1-10, how likely are they to almost get themselves killed?

video;

[sketchycharacter]

Are we talking technical minors or little kids? Because teenagers can take care of themselves a lot better than people think, but children shouldn't have to be here at all. They're kids.

text

[arcreact]

honestly, pal, that's just lazy
think of the children

video;

[saidsarcastically]

Oh, but don't you see? We weren't brought here on purpose - of course the kids weren't either. It was allll an accident.

[The sarcasm is so thick it could be cut with a knife. But he gets a little serious for a moment and sighs.]

I saw a kid who couldn't have been older than ten when I first got here.

text

[saidsarcastically]

i did
hence the "dont run with scissors"

oh wait i forgot "say no to drugs", damn.

[bosswald]

I don't know how the children will be able to not love you, if you've got dad jokes mastered. The day you make them all laugh means you've won them over, I think.