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[forwardmomentum]

Personnel Officer Miles Vorkosigan here. Due to the recent influx of new crewmembers onto the Moira, my job has gotten far busier and more complex by about a factor of ten. Not that I mind putting a few extra hours in, but this is no longer a one-man job, let alone for a man with two jobs. So, with that in mind, there are two new Personnel Officer postings available for any who might be interested in assisting with the workload. If you've got a knack for paperwork and find desk jockeying an appealing career opportunity, I'd be glad to have you on board. At any rate, anyone who's interested in the job should take a look at the posting and get in touch with the captains.

And there's one other matter: it seems that last month I received yet another mystery package from the postal Russian roulette that is the Ingress and, unsurprisingly, it does not belong to me.

[ attached is an image of a crate full of assorted shoes. ]

But I have a sneaking suspicion some of these belong to someone -- many someones -- on the ship. In fact, I'd bet you Betan dollars that more than a few of you will find something that belongs to you in that crate. It's in the cargo bay if you want to have a look. Vorkosigan out.

The crate contains:
Ratchet's gravity boots
A previous 616 Bucky's combat boots
Fennel's boots
Eily's pretty shoes
The 10th Doctor's gym shoes
Elizabeth Dewitt's shoes
Bel Thorne's gray boots
Clare's slip-resistant sensible shoes
Breq's shoes
Steve Rogers' boots ( x2)
The Courier's boots
Lara Croft's boots
Napoleon Solo's shoes
Cyrus' shoes
Medusalith's shoes
Papyrus' sneakers
Dutch Velders' boots
Cordelia's shoes
Crona & Ragnarok's nightengale boots
Trish Walker's shoes
Scott Lang's shoes
Peter Maximoff's sneakers
Beast Boy's shoes
Joseph Joestar's shoes
Leonard Snart's combat boots
Maya's left high heel and right boot
Edward Elric's boots

Comments

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[hellsbel]

[it might be difficult to make out the words at first because so much lol.]

I am not taking that bet. Though I will take this as quantifiable proof that the Ingress has a sense of humor. [and it's an AWFUL one! }D hasn't felt this tolerant about the Ingress in, like, ever.]

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[forwardmomentum]

[ video just for you, bel ;D miles is generally disinclined to use any format but text on the network, but hey. he looks worse for the wear than the last time bel saw him, probably because he is even more tired. but his eyes are glinting and he gives bel a sly grin. ]

Oh? I seem to recall a certain Dendarii captain losing their boots on the way in. But I suppose if they don't want them back...

[ he's already fished your boots out of the crate, bel, no need to go diving for them ]

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[hellsbel]

[you've always made Bel feel special, Miles, all the way back to the start. ^^

still struggling with the laughter] Are you sure we can argue with the Ingress, Miles, if it chose to give you sole custody....? [DISSOLVES IN SNICKERS. :D plz be proud of them for bringing up only one of the m a n y possible shoe puns~]

And what if I do want them back? What happens then?

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[knaval]

WHY DO U HAV SO MANY JOBS
especialy paper work

im surprised magnus hasnt tried to get u to hire him
unles he has and u said no

[forwardmomentum]

Magnus? You mean the guy with all the memos? I want less paperwork, not more.

I was only working at the bar part-time. It's what I was doing when I was appointed Personnel Officer [ when he appointed himself personnel officer ] and the ship was a little undermanned at the time, so I kept on doing it. And right now, I'm the only one doing it, it seems.

text;

[isdronning]

This may come as an odd question, but as a Personnel Officer, how much of the job is paperwork, and how much is dealing with crew members?

[ Elsa's looking for a way out of a job she's absolutely not qualified for, okay, but the idea of a job with too much interaction with people may not be the answer.

Still, worth asking, right? She doesn't mind the idea of paperwork, at least... ]

[forwardmomentum]

About 50/50. The paperwork is part of the whole dealing with crewmembers business. The Personnel Office's job is to maximize crew efficiency by making sure everyone's skills are put best to use, so there's a lot of interfacing with the crew. And I wind up serving as a human switchboard sometimes, triaging crew concerns and sending them in the right direction.

There's also the suggestion box.

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[takeitslow]

Getting a bunch of random shoes is actually super creepy. It's like something a serial killer would send you.

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[forwardmomentum]

Oh, yes, I'd have been much more disconcerted if it had been sent by a human being. But I've found that the Ingress has a sort of cosmic sense of humor about it, if a cruel and...very bizarre one.

Weirder things have come through, believe me.

[neveroutwrenched]

your message SAYS 'inadvertently received a package'

but i'm reading

'weirdo who steals shoes.'

[forwardmomentum]

Ratchet, please. Give me some credit.

'Weirdo who steals shoes as a diversion.'

[voice]

[ryuuzaki]

I don't think my shoes are in there. However, if anyone sees them --

[The voice is clearly that of a youngish man, British to people who can pick up the accent. He trails off in a tone that suggests resignation to the hopeless shoe situation -- without bothering to describe the shoes in question -- then continues on a new tack.]

What do you think of the Personnel Officer position?

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[forwardmomentum]

Me? Well, I like the job, aside from the fact that I'm practically drowning in paperwork right now. This crew was a fraction of this size back in December, and I've been here since the start. It's a lot of interfacing with the crew, making sure the ship's needs are addressed, and -- well, frankly, I do a lot of triaging calls, so to speak. A lot of crew come to my office with concerns, and I direct them to the right people accordingly, and if there's no one to direct them to, I usually just wind up taking care of it myself. It's a very robust line of work on this ship, I'm finding, but it plays to my strengths.

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[gentlemenpreferblondes]

[Now this is hilarious. Although she's eyeing the shoe pile to see if there's anything good there.]

nice collection, mr. miles. you could put up a show.

[forwardmomentum]

Pity none of them are in my size.

[ersatzeverything]

Yeah, some of those are mine.

[No they aren't, Deacon's just a compulsive liar.

And also he'll definitely take any unclaimed shoes that are even close to fitting. You can never have too many shoes. Getting the right kind of shoes for an outfit is all part of assembling a good disguise.]

[forwardmomentum]

[ miles cross-checks the name with his memory -- he's read deacon's personnel file, or at least skimmed it. recently enough to know that deacon is one of the new arrivals. funny thing about trying to trick the personnel officer who used to work in covert ops, pal... ]

Deacon, isn't it? Interesting that some of your belongings should show up here before you did, considering this shipment arrived last month. Perhaps you can tell me which shoes are yours, so I can check them against my manifest? Your shoe size too, please. I'd hate for there to be any discrepancies. The devil is in the details, after all.

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[smoothaf]

I think I do see mine in your pile.

[Like Deacon he's also going to claim shoes that aren't his along with them. Although unlike Deacon he's going to be more picky about what he takes.]

[forwardmomentum]

[ deacon's not getting away with much, but considering solo's actually been on the ship for a while, that's actually a possibility. ]

If that's a tacit request that I dig them up for you, you'll have to be a little more specific.

[ or, you know, do it yourself. ]

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[rraidergirl]

You got my boots!

[ How's that for some sheer surprised delight. ]

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[forwardmomentum]

[ he switches to voice, just because it's lara. he sounds amused and a little teasing, almost. hearing that delight in her voice makes him quite pleased. ]

Do I? Well, I suppose you ought to have them back. What would you prefer, miss -- pickup or hand delivery?

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[diamondslap]

Two jobs?
Good heavens, darling.
Watching Peasant's Madness overtake a poor soul in real time is quite shocking.

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[forwardmomentum]

Ah, if it isn't the esteemed Crewman Aurelia. Are you sure you'd know a prole when you see one? Somehow I think it must be quite difficult to discern the difference after you've riddled them with bullets.

[handing]

Good luck with the hunt for new applicants. Hopefully whoever does apply will be able to shoulder the responsibility.

[Sadly enough, if Pepper were to go for it she'd probably be pretty perfect at it. But that would mean abandoning her position as Chief Morale Officer, which in too many ways feels like a defeat for her.]

[forwardmomentum]

[ ah, pepper, his favorite chief morale officer. a remark that actually counts for something, considering she hasn't been the only one, although fiona hadn't exactly set a very high bar. ]

Thank you, Miss Potts. I harbor the same hope, although I hardly intend to shove off all the work on some other poor sod. Mostly, I'd just like a nap.

[ preferably one without nightmares, but that hasn't happened much lately. ]