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Personnel Officer Miles Vorkosigan here. Due to the recent influx of new crewmembers onto the Moira, my job has gotten far busier and more complex by about a factor of ten. Not that I mind putting a few extra hours in, but this is no longer a one-man job, let alone for a man with two jobs. So, with that in mind, there are two new Personnel Officer postings available for any who might be interested in assisting with the workload. If you've got a knack for paperwork and find desk jockeying an appealing career opportunity, I'd be glad to have you on board. At any rate, anyone who's interested in the job should take a look at the posting and get in touch with the captains.

And there's one other matter: it seems that last month I received yet another mystery package from the postal Russian roulette that is the Ingress and, unsurprisingly, it does not belong to me.

[ attached is an image of a crate full of assorted shoes. ]

But I have a sneaking suspicion some of these belong to someone -- many someones -- on the ship. In fact, I'd bet you Betan dollars that more than a few of you will find something that belongs to you in that crate. It's in the cargo bay if you want to have a look. Vorkosigan out.

The crate contains:
Ratchet's gravity boots
A previous 616 Bucky's combat boots
Fennel's boots
Eily's pretty shoes
The 10th Doctor's gym shoes
Elizabeth Dewitt's shoes
Bel Thorne's gray boots
Clare's slip-resistant sensible shoes
Breq's shoes
Steve Rogers' boots ( x2)
The Courier's boots
Lara Croft's boots
Napoleon Solo's shoes
Cyrus' shoes
Medusalith's shoes
Papyrus' sneakers
Dutch Velders' boots
Cordelia's shoes
Crona & Ragnarok's nightengale boots
Trish Walker's shoes
Scott Lang's shoes
Peter Maximoff's sneakers
Beast Boy's shoes
Joseph Joestar's shoes
Leonard Snart's combat boots
Maya's left high heel and right boot
Edward Elric's boots

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[ video just for you, bel ;D miles is generally disinclined to use any format but text on the network, but hey. he looks worse for the wear than the last time bel saw him, probably because he is even more tired. but his eyes are glinting and he gives bel a sly grin. ]

Oh? I seem to recall a certain Dendarii captain losing their boots on the way in. But I suppose if they don't want them back...

[ he's already fished your boots out of the crate, bel, no need to go diving for them ]

[you've always made Bel feel special, Miles, all the way back to the start. ^^

still struggling with the laughter] Are you sure we can argue with the Ingress, Miles, if it chose to give you sole custody....? [DISSOLVES IN SNICKERS. :D plz be proud of them for bringing up only one of the m a n y possible shoe puns~]

And what if I do want them back? What happens then?

[ miles grins sharply. ]

Frankly, Bel, I'm far more concerned about any possible tampering. You never know what these things could be laced with, after all.

[ he arches an eyebrow, eyes glinting. ]

Well I suppose you'll have to come get them.

[delighted smile Miles omg<3] Oh, then you suspect sabotage? I'm definitely coming over. Can't be too careful!

[and in due course Bel saunters into Miles's office... barefoot. c: well, barefoot with socks, but still.]

[ that video feed ends on a delighted cackle at that truly ingenious pun, and when bel shows up to his office he's on the couch for a change, a stack of files piled on the arm next to him. sitting at the desk was starting to make his back hurt. he grins at bel, swinging one leg, and tilts his head at the boots on the floor in front of him -- dendarii regulation and all. ]

You didn't lose your other shoes on the way over, did you? 'Cause you never can have too many shoes.

[ he somehow looks worse than the last time bel saw him -- momentarily alert, sure, but more haggard, a day or so's worth of beard growth stubbled across his jaw. extended sleep deprivation isn't a great look for anyone. ]

[the oldest shoe pun in the book and he gets it. Bel loves him so so so much.<3333]

Couldn't get out of 'em fast enough. [eyebrow waggle and all.~ swings down onto the couch beside Miles, bracketing him comfortably between themself and the paperwork as they lean forward and tip the boots slightly to see inside.] Should we be worried about it giving something back? [meaning the Ingress.] You'd think it was trying to butter us up for something.

[Miles, though... he looks even worse in person than over the MID, the drawn, gray face an unsettling reminder of those last few days at Tau Verde before that hidden ulcer had nearly killed him. little shows on Bel's face but the habitual irony of bearing witness -- a frontal assault is only trouble when he's this way -- but the why of it is still elusive. they're not at war, the ship's as secure as it can be... these administrative activities don't deserve to break him down. why, Miles?]

[ miles peers over the edge of the couch along with bel in mild bemusement, then sits back against bel's arm with a huffed out breath. ]

Who's paranoid now?

[ he gives bel a tired grin, eyes a little too wild. he's trying not to go cross-eyed with the threat of double vision, unwilling to give in to whatever waking nightmare threatens to manifest itself. it's like a roulette wheel, at this point. no, not here. not with bel. it was bad enough with lara... he tucks himself against bel, comforted by their wamrth but trying not to give into its soft lull. his heart beats uncomfortably in his chest. ]

I don't know. It's impossible to tell. The damn thing's supposed to be broken, so if there's some intelligence to it... It's probably not all that rational itself. [ and the idea that the ingress might have a mind of its own, while not totally new, is chilling in tself. he nestles in against bel and nudges them with a nod at their boots. ] Only one way to find out, eh?

[snort of laughter; that arm belongs around you, Miles, and that's where it's going.<3] God save us from irrational humor.... [slides one foot into a boot with an excess of caution, deciding not to torment the poor man with a fake shark-bite reaction in his jumpy state. it's cool and comfortable, as though it's never been out of Bel's possession.] Hm. So far no scorpions. [wryly] Or bees. Did you hear we have bees now?

[ miles can hardly complain about bel's arm around him, although it only makes it all the more tempting to just lean against them and doze... but he keeps his back straight even as he leans in a little, determined not to be lulled to sleep. he just wishes his head would stop swimming. it'd make it easier to puzzle out the hallucinations, if they come. ]

They have those on Beta, don't they? I never saw any myself, but I always figured that saying about scorpions in one's boots wasn't entirely figurative.

[ and then the rest of what bel says catches up to him and he looks up at them in utter, almost cartoonish dismay. ]

There are bees on this ship?

[ and in his head, maybe. that'd account for that strange droning in his ears... ]

Sure they do -- in labs and natural-habitat exhibits. [shudders] The media isn't kidding about how LOUD they are.

[guess who would not complain at all if Miles dozed off. should have brought some herbal tea -- hasn't he been getting any sleep at all?]

Thousands of them. In hives. [deeply wry] Someone or something installed them in the gardens this morning. Good news, though: I'm told they're not poisonous!

[thousands of stinging insects flying free on a space ship. not enough WHY in the multiverse.]

[[^one of my favorite faces in your icons there /rofl]]

[ he's been getting some sleep...

miles stares at bel, helpless and agape, totally speechless for a second. don't move on too fast, bel, he's stuck on this one. he is the absolute picture of dismay. ]

Bees. On the ship. Bees?

[the wryest of nods. and then the wryest of inquisitive looks. is 'some' measured in minutes or seconds, Miles?] Well, the ship can't very well be on the bees.

[suddenly concerned] You're not allergic, are you?

[ with his reaction you might as well expect so -- he looks thoroughly aghast, encroaching on incredulous and indignant. ]

I don't need to be allergic to be alarmed, Bel! Why would you keep bees on a ship?

[ his voice goes a little shrill on that last syllable. ]

[snerk] Maybe the Ingress is telling us how to kill Ploiatos. [why anything on this ship is the question. strokes Miles's shoulder moodily; if someone hadn't been right there to answer the immediate questions, Bel would have been having the same reaction.]

Rosethorn says they're good for the plants. She's happy about it, at least. Apparently they don't bother you unless you injure them, but I wouldn't want to sit on one by accident.

[ miles looks neither reassured nor convinced. ]

The plants were doing just fine before. Can you imagine what'd happen if they got into the air ducts? What the hell is the containment procedure for bees?

You know what, maybe this could be turned to advantage. Put to the captains as a safety concern, we could get tighter screens on the vents and keep the computer programs out of there. [the frigging sentient computer programs had been a popular topic of ~~rant~~ conversation for a while after Rinzler's eventful arrival.]

....I know that one! [evil grin] Rosethorn says the containment procedure is smoke them out. Or is it the other way around?

[bees, Miles. BEES.]

[ it is entirely possible that miles's exaggerated reaction -- verging into overreaction territory -- might have more to do with his current state of exhaustion than the actual matter at hand. rather than responding to the joke in kind, like he ordinarily would, miles just looks at bel in helpless horror. ]

That's not a containment procedure, that's -- dammit! Who thought this was a good idea?

[aaaand it's not fun anymore. sighs, running a hand along Miles's upper arm, down to the edge of the cast.]

I don't know. We could toss 'em into space one by one, but we'd have to catch them first.

[and then follow them out to escape Rosethorn's wrath, probably.]

[ miles is fixating now, not quite able to stop, and his face is drawn, tense, his breath quickening into hyperventilation territory. ]

Did she talk to the captains? Do the captains know about this? Does Clark?

I don't -- [but the words are coming too fast now, and so is his breath. alarmed, Bel turns to face him more fully. this is why you need to sleep once in a while--] Someone should have told them -- Miles, what's wrong?

What do you mean what's wrong? [ the panic feels like it came out of nowhere, hot all over and his palms slick with sweat. his chest hurts. ] Are you all out of your damn m-- oh.

[ his voice creaks into a startled little groan and his face goes white as nausea suddenly churns in his stomach. ]

Oh, I feel sick.

[ he lurches off the couch toward the wastebin nearby. ]

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