text

[forwardmomentum]

Personnel Officer Miles Vorkosigan here. Due to the recent influx of new crewmembers onto the Moira, my job has gotten far busier and more complex by about a factor of ten. Not that I mind putting a few extra hours in, but this is no longer a one-man job, let alone for a man with two jobs. So, with that in mind, there are two new Personnel Officer postings available for any who might be interested in assisting with the workload. If you've got a knack for paperwork and find desk jockeying an appealing career opportunity, I'd be glad to have you on board. At any rate, anyone who's interested in the job should take a look at the posting and get in touch with the captains.

And there's one other matter: it seems that last month I received yet another mystery package from the postal Russian roulette that is the Ingress and, unsurprisingly, it does not belong to me.

[ attached is an image of a crate full of assorted shoes. ]

But I have a sneaking suspicion some of these belong to someone -- many someones -- on the ship. In fact, I'd bet you Betan dollars that more than a few of you will find something that belongs to you in that crate. It's in the cargo bay if you want to have a look. Vorkosigan out.

The crate contains:
Ratchet's gravity boots
A previous 616 Bucky's combat boots
Fennel's boots
Eily's pretty shoes
The 10th Doctor's gym shoes
Elizabeth Dewitt's shoes
Bel Thorne's gray boots
Clare's slip-resistant sensible shoes
Breq's shoes
Steve Rogers' boots ( x2)
The Courier's boots
Lara Croft's boots
Napoleon Solo's shoes
Cyrus' shoes
Medusalith's shoes
Papyrus' sneakers
Dutch Velders' boots
Cordelia's shoes
Crona & Ragnarok's nightengale boots
Trish Walker's shoes
Scott Lang's shoes
Peter Maximoff's sneakers
Beast Boy's shoes
Joseph Joestar's shoes
Leonard Snart's combat boots
Maya's left high heel and right boot
Edward Elric's boots

Comments

[takeitslow]

Mmm. Yeah. Don't believe that, sorry.

Okay, just saying. But that just begs the question of where the cat DNA came from. And makes me think someone was still experimenting on some poor cat somewhere. I don't think people get a good track record with DNA and science. And those people sound like major creeps, so.

You expected them to stay attached?

[forwardmomentum]

There are plenty of non-invasive ways of genetic sampling -- a single hair, for instance. I'm not exactly the Cetagandan Empire's biggest fan, but if there's one thing they're not guilty of, I'm fairly sure it's animal torture. That doesn't make their little art show exhibits any less horrifying, though. Believe me, I was there.

I expected the whole thing to wither and die after a while. I didn't think they built it to last. Consider me pleasantly surprised.

[takeitslow]

You can do that much from just a hair? I didn't even know hair have that much DNA in it. And what do you mean art? I wouldn't call a cat tree art.

It looks like there's some people around who are doing a pretty good job of taking care of it. That might have something to do with it.

[forwardmomentum]

[ hm. peter must be from an even earlier time than most of the people on this ship. being from the 31st century is sort of awkward sometimes. why the hell are the 20th and 21st centuries so damn popular around here? some personal quirk of the ingress, maybe. ]

There's DNA in every cell of your body -- the whole package, even. A single hair does just fine. And I wouldn't call it art, either, not personally -- but like I said, Cetagandans have some funny ideas about art. They've got sort of a cultural preoccupation with genetic tinkering. Art's just one facet of it. Frankly, I prefer the good old standbys of painting and sculpture. Can't go wrong with a good sculpture. Well, I suppose you could.

[takeitslow]

[That or he just never pays attention in class.]

So you can read someone's genes just from a hair? That's freaky, man.

[He makes a disgusted face.] And so is that culture. I don't know, but it sounds really, really wrong to go messing with genes like that. Even if the cats from the tree are kind of cute. Also, you can totally go wrong with pretty much everything. People are really good at screwing things up.

[forwardmomentum]

If there's one thing the human race could put on its resume, screwing things up is pretty high on the list, but it does a lot of good, too. Not that I really approve of this particular application, but not all genetic tech is bad. Gene cleaning to filter out possible birth defects or genetic illness, for instance. And where I'm from, uterine replicators are a far more popular method for having children than a natural pregnancy. Less risk to both mother and child that way.

[ and doesn't he know it. uterine replicator technology is one of the only reasons miles even survived to term. ]

[takeitslow]

Gene cleaning. [That sounded uncomfortably similar to something Ivan has said when they'd been arguing about mutations.] What exactly does that mean? What it filtering out? Because I think I've heard someone else say that. That kind of thing was done where they where from to get rid of genetic mutations.

[forwardmomentum]

Like I said -- birth defects and genetic illness. Things that could pose a health risk to the child-to-be. Say you carry the gene for a degenerative illness, and there's a high chance that your child could inherit the gene, and thus the illness -- wouldn't you want to scrub out that gene from your child's DNA and spare them the illness? It's fairly standard obstetric procedure these days, although it is voluntary, and on most worlds it doesn't go any farther than that. Who else did you hear this from, anyway?

[takeitslow]

It doesn't hurt the child? Because the dude was making it sound like- well, a lot worse. [More like they were being killed. But Peter wasn't letting him explain himself either.] He's. Um. You know I don't think he ever said his name. Pretty boy? Kept saying he was from some Barr-something planet? Gave me some space history lesson and also offered to shoot me.

[forwardmomentum]

Good God, no. There isn't even a child to hurt, at that point -- just a few cells. There's DNA in every cell, right? All of this happens before the child is even properly conceived. Pretty boy from Barrayar, eh? that sounds like Ivan Vorpatril to me. You've just met my cousin, he's a bit of a -- he offered to what?

[takeitslow]

Offered to shoot me. [He smiles brightly. This is a much better conversation than to continue talking about gene cleansing and risk getting riled up again.] I'd actually kind of forgotten about it. I should call him out on that.

[forwardmomentum]

Why?

[takeitslow]

Why do I want to talk to him or why does he want to shoot me?

[forwardmomentum]

Both?

[takeitslow]

Well, I have to talk to him so I know if he still wants to. And he wants to shoot me so we can see if I can out run it. It's, like, science.

[forwardmomentum]

You want to see if you can outrun a stunner blast.

Please tell me you have some kind of superpower and that this is a lesser act of massive stupidity on all parties.

[takeitslow]

I can't promise we're not being stupid. [Because they are.] But I do actually have powers. Speed related ones. So, you know, this is not as stupid as it could be.

[forwardmomentum]

[ AT LEAST PETER IS BEING HONEST ABOUT IT god he's so going to harass ivan about this later. and ivan thinks miles does stupid shit. ]

Well, I guess that counts for something.

What are you going to do if you lose that bet?

[takeitslow]

[He is always honest about how stupid he is. It's his only good trait.]

But I'm not going to loose. So nothing. Cause I'm going to outrun it, no problem.

[forwardmomentum]

Humor me.

[takeitslow]

Fine. [The quickest of eyerolls.] Get to the medbay I guess. What else would I do if I was shot with that thing?