[video] + 001

[asafepairofhands]

[The feed cuts on to show a Cybertronian with a red and white helm, blue optics, and what appears to be a habitually irritated expression on his face. His voice is brisk and no-nonsense.]

This is Ratchet, former Chief Autobot Medical Officer. I've been assigned here as a field medic, apparently, though I'm volunteering to lend my hand in the medical bay on the ship in my off-time. I have no idea where we are or what happened to get us here, which I can deal with considering everything else that's happened the last year or so, but I really don't like not knowing the effects this "Ingress" [brings bright red hands, chipped in places to reveal specks of blue paint, up to add scarequotes] thing may have had on us, so I want people in for checkups.

Autobots, since there seem to be some of you on the ship, I'm assuming I'm still ranking medical officer here so I'm making that an order--report to Moro deck room 022 earliest. Non-Autobots... I obviously can't order you to do anything, but barring any wild extenuating circumstances you're welcome to drop by for a systems check also. You won't be turned away out of hand.

I specialize in non-organic medicine so if there are any non-Cybertronians on board who fit that bill, I can't promise anything, but I'll take a look. If you're strictly organic, you should probably just hit the regular medibay, but I've got some experience and I won't turn you away if you want to come here instead for whatever reason.

Any current medical officers seeing this, I'd like to talk supplies and if I can get put on rotation--I have a holomatter avatar, same as the others, so I'll fit just fine. Unless any of you expect my field medic duties to take up the majority of my time, in which case I would like a much more thorough briefing on what the fresh hell is going on here.

Ratchet out.

Comments

video

[heelys]

[There's so much skeptical eye squinting here.]

Uhhh... What happened to your face? And your voice? And your... everything, Doc-bot?

video

[asafepairofhands]

[His voice goes flat and deadly, optics narrowing on the feed.]

Excuse me?

video;

[heelys]

I'm just saying! I know Ratchet! He's got a rusty old chassis and a servo in the junk heap! You're not Ratchet, you're some kind of imposter.

audio

[knaval]

[REALLY LOUD, OBNOXIOUS DRAWN OUT GROAN]

keepin video

[asafepairofhands]

Hello, Riptide.

Audio

[ninjabike]

[You're not her Base Mom Ratchet so she's so sceptical about this entire thing...even though she knows somewhere the Ratchet she knows would throw a fit at her not obeying that order immediately.]


Hypothetically, does it still count if the autobot in question is from a different faction of autobots then your own?

video

[asafepairofhands]

Well... hmm. I'm inclined to say 'yes,' personally, if only to simplify this already shoddy excuse for a command structure we seem to have on this ship. Do you have a particular aversion to me double-checking to see if that randomly activated dimensional portal didn't scramble your internals somehow?

[Audio]

[harderfasterwrecker]

[ In his most obnoxious voice, made even worse by straining an already third rate vocalizer. ]

Well, would you look at that. Ratchet the Hatchet here to be the fun police!

I feel like I should try and lose an arm just for old timesake!

video, so whirl can see his no-fun face

[asafepairofhands]

Someone has to clean up after you, Whirl. Please don't, I have no idea if I have the supplies to make you a new one here.

video

[aerospacecommander]

Former? Ohhhh. Did all that belligerence finally get you demoted?

video

[asafepairofhands]

I ceded the position willingly to First Aid, an extremely bright and competent young medic who does not happen to be here.

Go back to your old frame, did you, Starscream? I'd comment on the aesthetics one way or the other, but honestly, it's not really a pleasure to see you regardless.

video;

[bombsheltered]

[ !!! milly knew there were cybertronians on board, and hoo boy is she glad to see one she knows! perfect! the autobot doctor is exactly the one she needs to talk to. she's even happy to see him! ]

Oh my gosh! Ratchet! It's me, Milly! I'm so glad you're here, you're the only Cybertronian I recognize. So! How's it going? Where do you guys keep the energon around here, anyway?

video;

[asafepairofhands]

[Ratchet freezes, almost awkward in the face of this blast of clearly genuine enthusiasm to see him from a person he's never met in his life.]

Er. I... think you may have me mixed up with someone else. I don't know you, sorry.

[daintylegs]

Ratchet!

Oh wow, it's really you! I haven't seen you in forever.

[Tailgate sounds SO DELIGHTED that his MID is in danger of exploding.]

I understand that doing fun things and being happy goes against your basic programming, but we should totally hang out planetside sometime. You should see the fish! The fish are pretty. How come the Lost Light doesn't have its own fish tank? I think we should.

[asafepairofhands]

Organics, even fish, require regular feeding, cleaning, and care, Tailgate. Do you want to be the one to take care of them every day?

[He takes this deluge of positivity in stride.]

I have to get up to speed on the medical situation here, particularly for us. Human medibays are fine, generally, but they're not well-stocked with things inorganics tend to need.

Video

[tsunclonus]

Ratchet.

[Cyclonus looks tired. Very tired.]

Did Brainstorm ever share with you the details of his cure for Dead Universe contamination?

[asafepairofhands]

The Dead Universe contamination? Yeah, I requisitioned the specs after he wouldn't give them to me outright, trying to cite some 'trade secrets' scrap--

[Ratchet pauses for a beat, his lips thinning.]

...I am going to assume you are not asking in idle curiosity as an attempt to strike up a casual conversation.

[Video]

[iseedeadbees]

Looks like we're neighbors. How nice.

[video]

[asafepairofhands]

"Nice" is certainly an adjective one could use to complete that sentence, I guess.

[AIRQUOTES]

Video

[sparkwhisperer]

You couldn't pay me enough shanix to visit an Autobot for my medical needs. I'd rather stay with the organic medic.

[At least he's already familiar with Meh Yewll enough to know that she isn't going to pull anything.]

video

[asafepairofhands]

And I wouldn't treat you. Not with these hands.

[Ratchet's voice is ten miles of solid permafrost.]

So good on you, not wasting both our time.

Audio / Locked forever

[accidentaltruth]

[He... really isn't sure he should be asking. A robot doctor is still a doctor, right?

On the other hand, he's seen how tall some of these robots get, and on the plus side? If this one is the same height as the rest of them, Mark's pretty sure he can just hide in a corner somewhere and probably be pretty safe. And somehow, it seems a whole lot less awkward than human doctors, brings back way less worries about surgeries.]

...You said you don't mind treating organics, right?

video; locked

[asafepairofhands]

Yeah, that's what I said. Again, not my specialty, but I've done it before. And I can always consult, in confidence, with the other medics on the ship if I'm stumped and you absolutely can't go to the regular medical bay.

video

[heroicpose]

[ Oh no just another person to be disappointed in him. Rodimus tries to play it cool though. ]

Oh, hey Ratchet. Did you just get here?

video

[asafepairofhands]

Yeah, showed up with the rest of this mess, apparently. There were a bunch of us.

[wow captain what a warm welcome]

How long have you been here?