thisavrou | [video] + 001

[The feed cuts on to show a Cybertronian with a red and white helm, blue optics, and what appears to be a habitually irritated expression on his face. His voice is brisk and no-nonsense.]

This is Ratchet, former Chief Autobot Medical Officer. I've been assigned here as a field medic, apparently, though I'm volunteering to lend my hand in the medical bay on the ship in my off-time. I have no idea where we are or what happened to get us here, which I can deal with considering everything else that's happened the last year or so, but I really don't like not knowing the effects this "Ingress" [brings bright red hands, chipped in places to reveal specks of blue paint, up to add scarequotes] thing may have had on us, so I want people in for checkups.

Autobots, since there seem to be some of you on the ship, I'm assuming I'm still ranking medical officer here so I'm making that an order--report to Moro deck room 022 earliest. Non-Autobots... I obviously can't order you to do anything, but barring any wild extenuating circumstances you're welcome to drop by for a systems check also. You won't be turned away out of hand.

I specialize in non-organic medicine so if there are any non-Cybertronians on board who fit that bill, I can't promise anything, but I'll take a look. If you're strictly organic, you should probably just hit the regular medibay, but I've got some experience and I won't turn you away if you want to come here instead for whatever reason.

Any current medical officers seeing this, I'd like to talk supplies and if I can get put on rotation--I have a holomatter avatar, same as the others, so I'll fit just fine. Unless any of you expect my field medic duties to take up the majority of my time, in which case I would like a much more thorough briefing on what the fresh hell is going on here.

Ratchet out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[.....]

Uh huh. Now tell me the truth.

[Ratchet spreads his hands in a what-would-you-have-of-me gesture, one corner of his mouth curling up.]

All true, one hundred percent. You'll see him around--ask him, if you don't believe me.

I'm sorry but 'Autobot Megatron' sounds like an oxymoron with emphasis on the moron part. You've got to be kidding me.

Can't really help you there. All true. He's co-captain of the ship I'm serving on now--you can imagine how much fun that is.

Let me get this straight. You're telling me that Megatron, the person who started the Decepticons and the great war, is now an Autobot?

And everyone is somehow okay with this? Optimus Prime is okay with this?

None of you have tried to shove him out of an airlock?

[...]

Wait. Is it brainwashing? Tell me it's brainwashing. And how you did it for future reference when I get back home.

[That makes Ratchet laugh.]

Uh, no, "okay with it" [there's the airquotes] is not really the phrase I'd use.

Optimus put him on trial for war crimes on Luna-2, stood him up in front of everybody and made him say that he was wrong, that the Decepticons were wrong, and that the Cause was over, end of story. Soundwave was pissed as hell, I think he left for Earth a while ago. Optimus and some others are after him on their own business, we haven't had word in a while. Several of us have tried to shove him out an airlock, unsuccessfully, though I was not one of them. He mostly just does his job and sulks in the meantime. It's not brainwashing--Optimus tried to have a mnemosurgeon collect memories to submit for testimony during the trial and he went completely haywire, so I don't think anybody got near enough to even try it.

War's over, Starscream. We're all adjusting.

I still don't understand. Megatron. Megatron. Is an Autobot. The person who started the war and wants universal conquest --

Is an Autobot.

[Sorry Ratchet. His brain is kinda broken over this.]

I just -- ugh, it's too weird. Anyway. What's a mnemosurgeon?

Ask Megatron. [Mercilessly.] Actually, feel free to direct all those questions to Megatron, I'm sure he'll be able to explain in detail exactly what the hell happened back home far better than I can. I don't pretend to understand what he's thinking at any given time.

Fine. I'll go hunt him down. This is a story I have to hear.

By the way -- I take back what I said earlier. You're a much better conversationalist than the Ratchet I know back home.

I just bet.

[Ratchet hesitates for a second, but damn it, he's curious.]

What's the Ratchet you know like, then?

Uhh. He gets riled up easily. Last time I spoke with him he almost jumped over the table at me.

And then he had the nerve to rip something out of my arm. I should have blasted him.

Goodness, what a completely baffling and inexplicable impulse.

[Ratchet is completely straight-faced.]

There seems to be sort of a trend of everybody knowing a version of me and almost all of them being alike.

And here I thought you'd be much better with your hands. I guess I was mistaken. Silly me.

[Ratchet's expression goes very still, his voice quiet and his blue optics flash-frozen ice.]

You don't know anything about my hands, Starscream. And I am no more patient than my counterpart seems to be for people making trouble for my crew, so take care that you decline to do so.

Now that's not fair seeing as I have not done anything to any anyone

Yeah, in the last twenty minutes. But sure. Consider it a friendly warning.

[His tone is not very friendly.]

Is Megatron also included in this 'do not harass' list?

[There is an extremely long and thoughtful pause.]

Well, don't blow him up or anything. We need him for. Uh.

[Hmmm.]

I don't know, tax reasons, probably.

As far as annoying him goes, I don't think any Starscream that exists could quit doing that if they tried, so it would hardly be fair to blame you for following your essential nature.

Good. Though I have been having fun annoying Decepticon-face.

Now that I do not recommend.

[Will the hypocrisy ever cease?]

We don't need any further incidents of physical violence on the ship, there's too many organics around.