thisavrou | [video] + 001

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[The feed cuts on to show a Cybertronian with a red and white helm, blue optics, and what appears to be a habitually irritated expression on his face. His voice is brisk and no-nonsense.]

This is Ratchet, former Chief Autobot Medical Officer. I've been assigned here as a field medic, apparently, though I'm volunteering to lend my hand in the medical bay on the ship in my off-time. I have no idea where we are or what happened to get us here, which I can deal with considering everything else that's happened the last year or so, but I really don't like not knowing the effects this "Ingress" [brings bright red hands, chipped in places to reveal specks of blue paint, up to add scarequotes] thing may have had on us, so I want people in for checkups.

Autobots, since there seem to be some of you on the ship, I'm assuming I'm still ranking medical officer here so I'm making that an order--report to Moro deck room 022 earliest. Non-Autobots... I obviously can't order you to do anything, but barring any wild extenuating circumstances you're welcome to drop by for a systems check also. You won't be turned away out of hand.

I specialize in non-organic medicine so if there are any non-Cybertronians on board who fit that bill, I can't promise anything, but I'll take a look. If you're strictly organic, you should probably just hit the regular medibay, but I've got some experience and I won't turn you away if you want to come here instead for whatever reason.

Any current medical officers seeing this, I'd like to talk supplies and if I can get put on rotation--I have a holomatter avatar, same as the others, so I'll fit just fine. Unless any of you expect my field medic duties to take up the majority of my time, in which case I would like a much more thorough briefing on what the fresh hell is going on here.

Ratchet out.

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[There's so much skeptical eye squinting here.]

Uhhh... What happened to your face? And your voice? And your... everything, Doc-bot?

[REALLY LOUD, OBNOXIOUS DRAWN OUT GROAN]

Edited 2016-06-01 21:37 (UTC)

[His voice goes flat and deadly, optics narrowing on the feed.]

Excuse me?

Hello, Riptide.

[CONTINUED GROANING]

I'm just saying! I know Ratchet! He's got a rusty old chassis and a servo in the junk heap! You're not Ratchet, you're some kind of imposter.

[You're not her ~~Base Mom~~ Ratchet so she's so sceptical about this entire thing...even though she knows somewhere the Ratchet she knows would throw a fit at her not obeying that order immediately.]

Hypothetically, does it still count if the autobot in question is from a different faction of autobots then your own?

[ In his most obnoxious voice, made even worse by straining an already third rate vocalizer. ]

Well, would you look at that. Ratchet the Hatchet here to be the fun police!

I feel like I should try and lose an arm just for old timesake!

Former? Ohhhh. Did all that belligerence finally get you demoted?

I see. And who are you, then, exactly?

Nice to see you too.

Someone has to clean up after you, Whirl. Please don't, I have no idea if I have the supplies to make you a new one here.

Well... hmm. I'm inclined to say 'yes,' personally, if only to simplify this already shoddy excuse for a command structure we seem to have on this ship. Do you have a particular aversion to me double-checking to see if that randomly activated dimensional portal didn't scramble your internals somehow?

I ceded the position willingly to First Aid, an extremely bright and competent young medic who does not happen to be here.

Go back to your old frame, did you, Starscream? I'd comment on the aesthetics one way or the other, but honestly, it's not really a pleasure to see you regardless.

There may or may not be certain anomalies that trying to explain would make someone sound crazy.

[Look, trying to explain Unicron blood being made into a sword being wielded by a Megatron who shoved a crystallized version of said evil god blood into his chest is complicated okay.]

[Ratchet actually laughs, the sound rough and warm.]

After the year or so I've had, you'd have to go to a truly monumental effort to come up with something I'd consider crazy. Try me.

[You see this face? (Because she gave up on audio when he didn't demand or force the issue) That is the face of a bot that does not know what to do with a Ratchet that actually has a sense of humor okay.]

For the record you did ask, and I state here and now that I refuse psych evaluation due to this confession.

Exposure to the blood of Unicron, due to Megatron deciding it would be an excellent idea to make an actual sword out of it and then use on his enemies. Older exposure to said Dark Energon when we found out a fairytale was actually a prophecy of doom and Unicron was awakening and finding out his slumbering form was the center of Earth. Thus having to go into said sleeping god to keep him from waking up and destroying all of humanity and such, and another even older exposure because Megatron was planning to use it to raise an undead army only he could control. Making said army by using the corpse of fallen comrades on Cybertron.

[And because she knows he'll ask at some point during this.]

Outside of weakness until the taint goes away, there hasn't been any foreseeable side effects, on the living that is.

[ !!! milly knew there were cybertronians on board, and hoo boy is she glad to see one she knows! perfect! the autobot doctor is exactly the one she needs to talk to. she's even happy to see him! ]

Oh my gosh! Ratchet! It's me, Milly! I'm so glad you're here, you're the only Cybertronian I recognize. So! How's it going? Where do you guys keep the energon around here, anyway?

[Ratchet opens his mouth at the blood of Unicron but doesn't actually interrupt her--she's right, he did ask. The look on his face grows slowly more saturnine before he draws in a slow vent of air and releases it on a patient sigh.]

Okay. [He waits a contemplative beat.] You're right, that does sound insane. But not more insane than Shockwave going completely off the rails and trying to destroy the universe by stopping time, which resulted in a metrotitan battle that ended in Megatron defecting to the Autobots, and that only happened a few months ago, so I'll roll with it.

I would definitely like to check you out now, though, so I can observe the effects and then get a proper baseline when--if?--they wear off. If this... whatever-it-is is in your systems, it could be causing subtle internal damage that would only show up on a close examination.

Ratchet!

Oh wow, it's really you! I haven't seen you in forever.

[Tailgate sounds SO DELIGHTED that his MID is in danger of exploding.]

I understand that doing fun things and being happy goes against your basic programming, but we should totally hang out planetside sometime. You should see the fish! The fish are pretty. How come the Lost Light doesn't have its own fish tank? I think we should.

[There's a small huff that may or may not be slight amusement from her.]

I actually wouldn't put it past Shockwave to do such, especially if there was logic in it. He never did seem all that bothered by destroying natural laws in the name of research. That whole Megatron defecting though sounds like something out of a human fairy tale.

[And here is the venting of a sigh because you didn't actually scoff at her tale.]

That must have been a fun adjustment, especially if he was anything like the Megatron I know.

I guess there's no convenient patrol duty that needs filling, or someone that actually needs medical attention to postpone this check up?

Shockwave was a real piece of work, but yeah, it's been weird. He mostly just sulks in his room and writes bad poetry now, from what I can tell, it's depressing as hell.

[Small miracles, Ratchet's voice actually gentles a little.]

Hey, nobody's going to show up and kidnap you for routine maintenance, and I'm not interested in actually forcing you. I just want to make sure everybody's all right. I mean, as much as I can without a proper medibay, I guess.

[Ratchet freezes, almost awkward in the face of this blast of clearly genuine enthusiasm to see him from a person he's never met in his life.]

Er. I... think you may have me mixed up with someone else. I don't know you, sorry.

Organics, even fish, require regular feeding, cleaning, and care, Tailgate. Do you want to be the one to take care of them every day?

[He takes this deluge of positivity in stride.]

I have to get up to speed on the medical situation here, particularly for us. Human medibays are fine, generally, but they're not well-stocked with things inorganics tend to need.

I completely forgot how much of a funkill you are.

But I guess you're right.

[Sadly, most funkills are.]

So! Which bad news do you want to hear first? We have everything from "I'm a Decepticon now," to "Tarn is here and he killed someone." I'll give you five points if you can correctly guess who.

Edited 2016-06-02 02:45 (UTC)

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