[video] + 001

[asafepairofhands]

[The feed cuts on to show a Cybertronian with a red and white helm, blue optics, and what appears to be a habitually irritated expression on his face. His voice is brisk and no-nonsense.]

This is Ratchet, former Chief Autobot Medical Officer. I've been assigned here as a field medic, apparently, though I'm volunteering to lend my hand in the medical bay on the ship in my off-time. I have no idea where we are or what happened to get us here, which I can deal with considering everything else that's happened the last year or so, but I really don't like not knowing the effects this "Ingress" [brings bright red hands, chipped in places to reveal specks of blue paint, up to add scarequotes] thing may have had on us, so I want people in for checkups.

Autobots, since there seem to be some of you on the ship, I'm assuming I'm still ranking medical officer here so I'm making that an order--report to Moro deck room 022 earliest. Non-Autobots... I obviously can't order you to do anything, but barring any wild extenuating circumstances you're welcome to drop by for a systems check also. You won't be turned away out of hand.

I specialize in non-organic medicine so if there are any non-Cybertronians on board who fit that bill, I can't promise anything, but I'll take a look. If you're strictly organic, you should probably just hit the regular medibay, but I've got some experience and I won't turn you away if you want to come here instead for whatever reason.

Any current medical officers seeing this, I'd like to talk supplies and if I can get put on rotation--I have a holomatter avatar, same as the others, so I'll fit just fine. Unless any of you expect my field medic duties to take up the majority of my time, in which case I would like a much more thorough briefing on what the fresh hell is going on here.

Ratchet out.

Comments

[knaval]

Ratchet.

[for the first time, riptide looks truly horrified.]

Ratchet, he put his arm around me. I damn near had a spark attack.

[asafepairofhands]

[The expression on Ratchet's face calcifies in an attempt to control himself, his optics paling. His voice is choked when he speaks again.]

Are you telling me [carefully] that Megatron tried to hug you, and you shot him in the face?

[knaval]

[you know, on hearing it out loud, riptide truly realises how absolutely ridiculous the entire situation was.

sure, he was having a MASSIVE freak out less than three minutes ago, but this is... something else. riptide snorts.]

Yeah, I guess I did.

[looks ratchet dead in the eye, then... absolutely loses his shit. bent over laughing because megatron tried to hug him and riptide shot him in the face.]

[asafepairofhands]

[oh thank... something. Ratchet cracks too, though he's a bit more controlled, his laughter low and staticky.]

Look I just... wanted to be clear. [He shakes his head and bites his lips together, shoulders still shaking.] I mean, it's not like I don't understand that being an instinctive reaction, but still.

[knaval]

[riptide calms down himself after a moment, though when he looks back at ratchet he seems significantly less focused.]

Are you kidding me? If he'd done that to you the bugger would've got like six scalpels in the optic!

[asafepairofhands]

You know, I'll be honest, I don't know if I'd've had your lightning reflexes--I might have just sat there, too stunned to do anything about it.

Not that I think he's stupid enough to try something like that with me in the first place, and as much as I would generally discourage you from shooting our fellow crewmembers in the face, your instincts are laudable.

[knaval]

[riptide's voice lowers to an almost terrified whisper.]

He might try to hug you too.

[asafepairofhands]

Not if he wants all his organs to stay put he won't.

Do you know, I once threatened to surgically remove his mouth? I'm still considering it.

[knaval]

I'm astounded that it's something that needs consideration and wasn't something you decided to instantly go through with.

[asafepairofhands]

Well, he was technically my patient at the time, and I was in the process of reattaching his legs. So I was busy, and it seemed a little unsporting.

[knaval]

Oh, please. Megatron losing his legs is like stubbing his toe. Only his toe flies off. Along with the rest of his legs.

And, also, welding stuff doesn't take long.

[asafepairofhands]

It was in the middle of all that stuff with Shockwave back home, all right? I was slightly preoccupied.

[knaval]

It was probably the only opportunity you'd ever have, too. Shame, that.

[asafepairofhands]

Ohhh, yeah, because Megatron's never going to get injured and then mouth off at me about it again, sure.

Care to take a bet on that?

[knaval]

...No! No, because that's definitely going to happen again. I just meant-- like, in the next few centuries!

[asafepairofhands]

I give it like a month, tops.

[knaval]

As usual, Ratchet, your optimism blinds me.

[asafepairofhands]

You know where to drop by if you need your optics checked.

[knaval]

[riptide snorts, grinning that stupid dumb teenager like grin he does when he's up to something or about to watch skids make an ass of himself in swerves.]

The bedside manner is too much! I'm going, if you've finished.

[...he seems to have forgotten about his previous whining of being tired, at least.]

[asafepairofhands]

Yeah, yeah, you're free to go.

[Ratchet waves airily, but his optics warm just a little as he watches the grin on Riptide's face.]