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[imoustacheyou]

[When the video clicks on, it's not to the confused face of a newcomer, to the concern of someone who has just been plucked out of their universe and thrown to another. It's not of anger, fear, annoyance, none of that. When the video focuses, it's on a man wearing a strange dark coat, twirling one end of a ginger mustache between his fingers. He has light blue markings on his face, pointed ears, wild hair, a patch over his right eye, and looks entirely nonplussed by this entire situation.

In fact, this particular newcomer seems settled enough that he's able to hold the TAB in a steady hand at the perfect MySpace angle. No, seriously, he has this selfie stuff on lock.]

You know, this reminds me of that time I was on the coast of Melharoo, on the planet Yaluk of the Fifth Nebula. There was an entertainment city -- Va Harn, I believe the name was -- with a resort that operated kind of like this. Woke up there without a clue of what I'd been doing the past week! Turns out I'd had a particularly nasty run in with a few Wabbernocks! [Here, he laughs. As if everything he's saying makes complete and total sense.] Last time I went there during a waning metra.

[He lets go of the edge of his mustache, letting it bounce back into place as he regards the lens of the TAB.]

It's been a good while since I've had the time to learn about a new culture, so go ahead fellow visitors and Thisavrounians! Give me your best stories. Tell me about your culture, your technology, your holidays-- anything you could possibly think of!

[And, almost as if it's an afterthought, rather than the whole point of this broadcast Coran come on]

Oh! And if anyone's heard some rumors about flying robotic lions -- particularly a colored set -- I'd appreciate the information.

Comments

[VIDEO]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[The part about robotic lions catches Darin's attention...but he just sits back in his chair and grins. Ether this guy was trying entirely hard to stay low-key, thereby making him stick out like a sore thumb, or he was an eccentric old codger.]

[Darin loved badgering eccentric old codgers.]

[So, when he responds, he pretends to know nothing of robotic lions or their paladins.]

Man, I hate it when you get on the wrong side of a pack of Wabbernocks. Last time that happened, I lost an entire week. Hell of a way to end a solstice though.

Welcome, friend. You look like you've traveled your fair share.

[VIDEO]

[imoustacheyou]

[EXCUSE YOU OLD CODGER??? RUDE. 150% RUDE!!

But seeing as Coran isn't a telepath and doesn't know the amount of shade and disrespect just thrown at him, he simply puts his hand on his hip and nods gravely, as if the topic of Wabbernock's is truly a dire one.]

Dangerous folk, those Wabbernocks. Always lucky to come out of it with just a handful of days.

[And, after a good few more seconds of solemn silence, Coran's perking right up at the mention of travel.]

More than you could possibly imagine! We've had to turn our ship to almost every corner of the universe, lately.

[VIDEO]

[patchricide]

[Her camera might be a little blurry. Almost like she was drinking something, and spat it all over the camera, and had to wipe it off in a haste.]

Coran?!

Coran, did you-- did you lose an eye?!

[... forgive her, she's still in season 1.]

[VIDEO]

[imoustacheyou]

[Ah, hold on. He knows that voice. Even if he does have to squint for a moment at that blurry picture to-- aha!]

Princess! [Now that is a relief. He honestly didn't want to think too much about what he would have done if she hadn't been here.] An eye-- what? Oh, this?

[He leans in conspiratorially, reaching up with a hand to pull the patch away from his eye.]

I'm in disguise! Couldn't surround myself with pirates without blending in!

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[shiro2hero]

[Okay, normally, this is the point where everyone would stare blankly at the screen. Including people who know this particular voice.]

[But, with things being turned on their heads lately, with everything being rough on Allura lately...]

[Instead of a blank stare, he's just grinning when he turns the video on.]

Flying robot lions? I think that's a myth.

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[imoustacheyou]

[Oh come on, his stories aren't that confusing! They're actually quite informative! And entertaining! They leave everyone (just him) in stitches!

Still, Coran perks up at that familiar voice. Allura and Shiro? That's as good a start as he could have hoped for, honestly. Much better than when they'd been separated by that wormhole malfunction.]

Oh really? I think I know a few planets that might disagree with you.

voice;

[brokeassgoing]

Sounds like maybe you oughta not get with the mixing pot of cultures. Since whatever a Wabbercock is had you down and out.

I know about those loud kids, yeah. They belong to you?

voice;

[imoustacheyou]

Ha! Trust me, if you had a taste of what Wabbernocks can cook up, you'd be telling a different story. One sip from a Wabber pot and you might as well be on the moon!

[Loud kids, huh? Guess that means Lance is here, too.]

Belong to me? Oh no, I help with some of their training and nutritional needs, but they belong to Shiro.

[Just. You know. Casually throwing Shiro under the bus here.]

[nishizono]

flying WHAT now??? those are a thing?

[imoustacheyou]

[Oh! Could this be? Texting??? Someone sending him -- him!! -- a message via a written medium?

Finally. A chance to prove he's not as much of an old man as Allura and the paladins seem to think he is!]

They are indeed! Five flying robot lions, to be exact!
Coran

[Yes. Oh yes. He is most definitely young and "hip".]

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[inconsequence]

[Does this one fancy himself the comedian, or the dramatist? Either way, he is hardly the first to mention something so highly specific as flying mechanized felines, absurd as it may sound.

If he wishes to hear of traditions, why not indulge him? With a story that may or may not be fabricated, but stories do not need to be true to be believed. They simply have to be told.]

Stories, holidays, culture...I could regale you for quite some time, sir.

text

[imoustacheyou]

[Oh, you know. A little of column A, little of column B.]

Please, regale away! My knowledge of humans isn't as extensive as it should be, still. Ah! Assuming you are a human, of course. From what I can tell, they are the predominant species here!
Coran

[Which is still strange, considering how humanity back home hadn't even realized they weren't alone in the universe yet.]

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[wallride]

Why did no-one tell me one of the paladins had such an amazing moustache!!!?

[well, close enough.]

I need a selfie with you, right now immediately.

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[imoustacheyou]

[You, Lucio, have chosen the exact right words to be on Coran's good side for the rest of your life.

Just look how this mustachioed man is preening!]

They have no appreciation for style and the intricacies of facial grooming! [Except probably Lance, but Lance is like 12 and probably like 5 quinteps from being able to grow any semblance of facial hair so the point still stands.]

If you're up on the Ingress Complex, I have some free time! [AKA yes. Yes yes god yes he will take all the pictures you want. He will pose and making silly faces and be way too excited about taking selfies. This man is a selfie master. A selfie maniac. A selfie machine.]

[AUDIO | I'm so sorry about this girl and her questionable taste]

[kickeminthepistons]

[He's an alien Sir Hammerlock. He is exactly like Sir Hammerlock, except he is an alien.]

[Okay, that's an exaggeration. While there's certainly comparisons that can be drawn between this fine man and her unrequited crush -- not just their taste in mustaches, but their old timey charm and tales of adventure -- they are hardly doppelgängers of each other.]

[But that could be a good thing, right? Maybe this one is actually interested in women? Women from other species?? ... oh, damn it. That might be a bigger issue than the gender thing.]

[Fuck it. She's going to try talking to him anyway.]

W-- well, I'm not really familiar with any robot lions, but if you want to talk tech --[she interrupts herself with nervous giggles]-- I've got a few? Stories to share, I mean. You ever hear of digistructing?

[AUDIO | DON'T BE i love gaige this is amazing]

[imoustacheyou]

[Don't be afraid to walk on the wild side, girl. You go after what you want, you look into your heart and you follow your dreams.

though gender and species probably won't matter as much as the fact that coran's like 10600+ and gaige is like 5, BUT YOU REACH FOR THE STARS MY MAIN MECHROMANCER]

Digistructing? [He taps his chin in thought, repeating the word under his breath a few times as he rakes through the metric shit-ton of information floating around in that eccentric noggin] I don't think I have! Though I did focus more on nanorobotics than quantum coding in my youth.

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[pidge_out]

[It really does feel like the regular incoming feed from everyone else has been interrupted with the message "And now, for something completely different." Which brings Pidge pulling up the video feed with an amused grin to address Coran with.]

I can probably tell a story about how weirdly dressed you are. [That means "Hi Crazy Space Uncle guess who else is still from the end of season1."] Why do you have an eyepatch?

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[imoustacheyou]

[HUFF PUFF WHY IS EVERYONE CRITICIZING HIS SPACE PIRATE COSTUME]

Considering me being "weirdly dressed" meant also being the only one not getting chased through the swap meet, I think the costume was perfect!

[He does, however, reach up to adjust the strap on said eyepatch, looking rather pleased with himself.]

It completes the image! You always respect a haggler more if they're a little rough around the edges!

[im_a_leg]

Coran? Man, everyone's joining the party now!

[A short laugh] This is awesome! Has anyone come to pick you up yet? We have a house! Oh man, I can't wait to cook for you. Coran. Coran. You no longer have to live on goo alone.

[imoustacheyou]

Apparently! I didn't miss any of the dancing, did I? Because I'm-- [He backs away from his TAB a bit, setting it down so he can strike a few quick, incredibly embarrassing to look at poses.] --a menace on the dance floor!

[........ back on topic, though]

Nope! Still up at the main base. Haven't even really picked a planet to start going towards yet. [He performs a VERY INDIGNANT SNIFF] There is nothing wrong with the goo! It's perfectly nutritious and tastes like an eldat wrapped in a lumbo!

[businessinfront]

We're doing eyepatches again?

[imoustacheyou]

We are! I was actually thinking they might be a good addition to your uniforms. A little intimidation goes a long way!

[Good luck figuring out if he's actually serious.]

[yablueit]

Coran, oh man, you—

[ The rest of what Lance is seeing on his TAB sinks in as he takes in Coran's outfit. ]

Aaaare probably from a different time than everybody else. Cool, great.

[ Somebody is already sick of these timeline shenanigans messing with his head. ]

[imoustacheyou]

[Coran just tugs at the edge of his mustache, a little miffed at Lance's lack of excitement over seeing him.

Rude, tbh.]

Now, now. Temporal discrepancies are something we can all figure out. The good thing is we don't have another collapsing wormhole on our hands!

[Never mind that, you know, he was the last one to actually show up.]

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[cockade]

I... shouldn't be surprised by the fact that you just asked about flying robotic lions. [He's not doubting you, Coran- he's just from 1792 so it's a little hard to fathom without seeing it.]

But I'm sadly behind the times on my end, monsieur. Unless you're interested in the happenings of the revolution in France?

audio;

[imoustacheyou]

Actually, even with the technological advances present in all parts of the universe, most people seem to be surprised by flying lions! Seems they're almost the least common of all flying shapes!

[Sadly enough, he's saying that like it's... an... actual helpful fact.]

Revolution! I'm always down for a rousing tale of political intrigue! Is France your planet?

video;

[tearsinajar]

Christmas.

[ Since he's talking holidays. ]

But you aren't dressed for Christmas. You're dressed more for Halloween, even if it's not really a holiday.