Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
imoustacheyou) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thisavrou2017-03-05 11:49 pm
imoustacheyou) wrote in thisavrou2017-03-05 11:49 pm
video
[When the video clicks on, it's not to the confused face of a newcomer, to the concern of someone who has just been plucked out of their universe and thrown to another. It's not of anger, fear, annoyance, none of that. When the video focuses, it's on a man wearing a strange dark coat, twirling one end of a ginger mustache between his fingers. He has light blue markings on his face, pointed ears, wild hair, a patch over his right eye, and looks entirely nonplussed by this entire situation.
In fact, this particular newcomer seems settled enough that he's able to hold the TAB in a steady hand at the perfect MySpace angle. No, seriously, he has this selfie stuff on lock.]
You know, this reminds me of that time I was on the coast of Melharoo, on the planet Yaluk of the Fifth Nebula. There was an entertainment city -- Va Harn, I believe the name was -- with a resort that operated kind of like this. Woke up there without a clue of what I'd been doing the past week! Turns out I'd had a particularly nasty run in with a few Wabbernocks! [Here, he laughs. As if everything he's saying makes complete and total sense.] Last time I went there during a waning metra.
[He lets go of the edge of his mustache, letting it bounce back into place as he regards the lens of the TAB.]
It's been a good while since I've had the time to learn about a new culture, so go ahead fellow visitors and Thisavrounians! Give me your best stories. Tell me about your culture, your technology, your holidays-- anything you could possibly think of!
[And, almost as if it's an afterthought, rather than the whole point of this broadcast Coran come on]
Oh! And if anyone's heard some rumors about flying robotic lions -- particularly a colored set -- I'd appreciate the information.
In fact, this particular newcomer seems settled enough that he's able to hold the TAB in a steady hand at the perfect MySpace angle. No, seriously, he has this selfie stuff on lock.]
You know, this reminds me of that time I was on the coast of Melharoo, on the planet Yaluk of the Fifth Nebula. There was an entertainment city -- Va Harn, I believe the name was -- with a resort that operated kind of like this. Woke up there without a clue of what I'd been doing the past week! Turns out I'd had a particularly nasty run in with a few Wabbernocks! [Here, he laughs. As if everything he's saying makes complete and total sense.] Last time I went there during a waning metra.
[He lets go of the edge of his mustache, letting it bounce back into place as he regards the lens of the TAB.]
It's been a good while since I've had the time to learn about a new culture, so go ahead fellow visitors and Thisavrounians! Give me your best stories. Tell me about your culture, your technology, your holidays-- anything you could possibly think of!
[And, almost as if it's an afterthought, rather than the whole point of this broadcast Coran come on]
Oh! And if anyone's heard some rumors about flying robotic lions -- particularly a colored set -- I'd appreciate the information.
no subject
You strike a hard bargain. [Coran hums low for a good few seconds, honestly just for effect at this point. Darin made a good offer and they both know it.] Tell you what, I'm feeling generous today, so I'll give you that foreward and a third, if you give me a piece of that half information after the foreward.
[Woe unto anyone listening in on this.]
no subject
[He taps his chin thoughtfully.]
It's a fair price, but here's the real question:
How do we determine the value of the information after the foreword? Let's look at this from a purely monetary point of view:
Now, depending on the foreword, we could have ourselves a tale, an anecdote, or an epic. I would hate to offer up information that was not valued in equal amounts to the quality of story! So, let's say...
That half information? I think is worth the foreword to an anecdote. Wouldn't you agree?
[Its like they're speaking their own language.]
no subject
[AH! And here he was about to give out a free story! This kid is crafty... he'll have to keep an eye on him.]
Hmmmmmmm... an interesting proposition. Half information worth a foreword to an anecdote? If we start getting allegorical, it throws a wrench in the whole exchange system! How about we start the exchange rate at a fable to a inference and work our way up there? Makes everything come out to roughly what you were saying.
[He tugs at his moustache, humming under his breath for a moment.]
Tell you what! I'm in a bit of a good mood, so I'll even throw a quarter of a tall tale in for free!
I am so sorry
You drive one hell of a hard bargain, my friend. Well met!
If you'll excuse me for one moment...
[Darin has to disable the sound and video of his TAB hurriedly before he doubles over laughing. Whoever this guy was, he was amazing! This was the most fun he's had in weeks! He slaps his cheeks gently to get his poker face back, then resumes the transmission.]
Forgive me, friend. Solar storms made my connection a bit hazy. I wanted to make sure our deal brokering was as clear as crystal.
Now, I can clearly see that I'm dealing with man whose bartering prowess is only outmatched by the gallantry of his mustache. I'm humbled by your skill and your ability to come to amicable terms with such a skewed exchange rate.
In a show of good faith, I'd be more than happy to part with one whole piece of information before we continue with our exchange.
[He clears his throat.]
You speak of color-coded robotic lions. I've heard legends of such...and about their riders. Five riders of great skill and prestige, swimming through the stars like comets, bringing peace in their wake and justice to the downtrodden.
Some say that the riders have made their home here as of late. I may even have descriptions of them...but those come at a higher price~
never be sorry omg
[BUT! Helpfulness has to be set aside for the good of bartering!!]
I was known as the greatest barterer on the south side of Altea! [He wasn't. Oh god how he wasn't.] But that's excellent news! And information that's well worth an anecdote or two.
[He hums in thought, making a show of coming up with a story of equal value.]
Alright! Your free fourth of a tall tale. When I was a young, my grandmother told me of the Great Haramoo and the mighty warrior, Qualrek. Now, the haramoo are mighty things, at least twelve holunks wide and three times as long, with teeth sharp enough to rip an entire planet right in two! But it was a gentle creature at heart, and really just wanted to find the perfect rock to burrow into and fall into the deep sleep that allows their species to proceed to adulthood.
This particular haramoo, however, was much smaller than the rest of its species, about the length of an individual ship, rather than twice the size of a planet, and it had wandered away from the traditional path of its species and into the atmosphere of a nearby planet to rest before taking off to the stars and continuing its journey. Eventually, it came to rest in a forest, mere tarasects away from a nearby city! The very same city where a mighty warrior named Qualrek was taking some time away from his fighting, adventuring life to visit his family.
[He pauses, grinning as he leans closer to the TAB.]
But! I'm afraid that's all I can give you of that particular story! You'll have to bargain something else for the next three installments! And that should have us on even footing, all free pieces out there and exchanged.
So, how about for the descriptions of the paladins, I tell you the full story about when I was a cadet and first found myself diving into the belly of a weblum? Fighting the very antibodies of a great beast, my ship damaged by a surge of stomach acid, just minutes to go until the beast's defense mechanisms kicked in and fried me in one blow!
this is pure magic 1/2
[He imagined Qualrek, spending time with his beloved family, all the while a stone's throw away from the slumbering haramoo. Undoubtedly, their paths would cross...but would they fight? Would Qualrek, the noble warrior, come to the creature's aid? Perhaps strike up a friendship and ride the beast across the stars to untold adventures?]
[When Coran offers up his next story, he's practically vibrating in excitement. This is the stuff he wanted to see! To experience himself! All of these amazing adventures in the limitless cosmos~!]
2/2
[Never to be outdone in showmanship, Darin clears his throat.]
Yes, yes...of course! The descriptions of the fabled paladins.
Now, some say that their noble visages have been lost to history...information creep and the like often distorting what is true and what is simply embellished. However, I have quite the discerning eye...and I can tell between fact and faction. I'll tell you now, what the legends say...
[He clears his throat once more.]
The first paladin, clad in verdant green, who casts a disdainful eye on those deemed unfit. This paladin, though short in stature, values intelligence over brute strength. Cross this warrior, and the last thing you see will be the glint of light reflected in her owlish eyes.
The second paladin, cloaked in blue, allows the universe to carry him as if by water but does not get swept up in its current. He may seem aloof, but he has a keen eye...especially for the finer things in this life.
The third paladin, armored in yellow, is a hulking mass of power and fortitude. But don't let his size fool you, for his heart is just as big. Enemies are often met with a disarming smile, for it is to that smile that they fall.
The fourth paladin, engulfed in red, with a mighty mane billowing out from the back of his head like fire being fed by the winds of change, casts a steely and intense gaze on his foes. Be on your guard, lest you be consumed and burned to ash!
And the fifth paladin, shrouded in black, leader of the group. His stoic facade almost impossible to crack...though legends say that there is a way to make the fearsome warrior smile. Only through what is known as 'patriarchal frivolities' can one truly disarm this leader amongst leaders. But be warned, should one attempt to do so, the result is something most unwelcoming.
[He pauses for a moment...then continues.]
But that's not all, dear friend. It is said that these five warriors are commanded by an even greater presence. A beautiful princess, hair as radiant as starlight guides their actions. However, this princess has a dark secret. Anger her, and she transforms into a hulking Archdragon whose deadly fire breath is known to burn the very sky and boil the seas away to nothing! Truly, she is a ruiner of worlds!
But, I digress.
NOT HERE
VERY NOT HERE, BUT...
ABSOLUTELY HERE
no subject