video;

[heliakal]

[ Clark appears on screen wearing a recently acquired pair of glasses from the marketplace. He looks like a buff nerd irritated and uncertain. ]

I think something was delivered to me by mistake. [ He angles the camera so the fuzzy little bonsai tree in front of him is clearly visible. The leaves are covered in fur, it's actually sort of cute but... That tiny meowing sound? That's coming from the tree.

More specifically, from the little seed pods that contain live kittens. ]

If it belongs to anyone, I'll be happy to return it. [ Said mildly. He doesn't know yet if this is an alien species or something more deliberate, but he's trying very hard to give it the benefit of a doubt here. ]

In the meantime... Does anyone know what this is, exactly? Or how to take care of it?

Comments

video;

[forwardmomentum]

[ holy shit. is that -- oh god, it is. oh, shit. miles looks like he can't decide whether to be horrified or laugh. ]

I could tell you what it is, but I don't know if you'd believe me. [ he's still staring at the feed, transfixed, and finally he has to smother a snort. ] I, uh -- don't know if it belongs to anyone, but...I think your best bet is to contact Ivan Vorpatril.

[ yeah this is definitely going to be ivan's problem. ivan's horrible, hilarious problem. ]

action.

[whatdidisay]

( do you hear that growl, miles? you absolute shithead. )

[forwardmomentum]

[ miles swings right around in his chair, a grin plastered to his face. ] Oh, hello, Ivan! Didn't see you there. I take it you've seen the post, then?

[whatdidisay]

Don't even start. Once was bad enough, this is--

( he gestures in an attempt to convey horrific and ghastly all rolled up into one. )

[heliakal]

Try me. [ Clark frowns a little more. ]

I'll get in touch with him, thanks.

[forwardmomentum]

[ well, miles has sold more ridiculous and far less truthful stories than the kitten tree. he shrugs. ]

There's a planet, where Ivan and I come from -- well, a whole empire -- anyway, their culture has a...particular fixation with genetic tinkering. It permeates every level of their society, bordering on fanatical, really. Work on the human genome is only permitted by the highest order of their society, but the lower castes tinker quite extensively with just about everything else -- it's, um, art to them, I suppose. They're very serious about their art.

Anyway, that thing [ he gestures at the kitten tree via his MID screen ] -- or rather, a much larger version of it -- was an exhibit at what amounts to a genetic engineering art show. Actually, I'm a little startled to see one so...small. The one my cousin and I personally encountered was the size of a normal tree, with normal-sized kittens. It was a little, uh... Well, you've seen it for yourself, now. You know.

[heliakal]

Unsettling? [ Because that's the first word (polite) to come to mind. It would be one thing if it was some sort of bizarre native species, but someone had actually created this thing. Deliberately. And now he's stuck with it. ]

Alright, so this is someone's idea of art. [ Clark nudges his glasses up so he can pinch the bridge of his nose. This is really not a job for Superman. ] Do you know anything else about it? What it eats? Or if it'll grow enough for the kittens to separate from it?

video.

[whatdidisay]

( yeah, ivan knows exactly what that is. and just when he'd hoped to never be reminded of his trip to the cetagandan homeworld. the face on the video is one of barely restrained horror. oh no. nope. not doing this. )

Er. You haven't tried removing one of them, have you? ( a beat ) Don't. If you haven't. Just don't.

[heliakal]

It looked like a bad idea. [ Thanks x-ray vision. Although there are some things he really wishes he could unsee. ]

I've been told to contact you about this - please tell me you want it back.

[whatdidisay]

It is.

( please don't ask him how he knows this, he doesn't want to relieve it. )

No. Miles only sent you my way because he thinks he's funny. Absolutely not.

[Video]

[protohistory]

Does that--

[Liara cuts herself off momentarily, frowning as she leans in to get a better look at what's coming in on her video feed.]

Does that tree have fur?

[heliakal]

It's got more than fur. [ He touches one of the seed pods and turns the camera so she can see the very tiny kitten that has started trying to fight his finger. ]

I wanted to get them off this thing but they -- I think they're attached.

[protohistory]

[She cringes. There's not a lot that can wrench that sort of reaction from her easily, but there's just something about the concept of kitten tree that feels inherently wrong, even if most of her actual feline experience is-- well, secondhand.]

They're a part of it? That shouldn't be possible-- it's some kind of hybrid?

[She does not accept this science.]

audio;

[anotheroldsoldier]

[Dear god he can't look at it. He refuses. Bucky has Seen Some Shit but that level of Wrong is... It kind of makes him sick.]

No idea what it is but keep it out of our room. You've ruined kittens for me, Christ.

[heliakal]

It's staying in our room until I figure out what to do with it.

[anotheroldsoldier]

Absolutely not, I did not sign on for this. [Well there really isn't much he can do about it if Clark insists, besides finding someone else's room to crash in for the night, but... Still. You have to have boundaries, man.] Figure out what to do with it.

Video;

[captain_america]

[Its the meowing that catches Steve's attention ok also probably the fur.]

Is that...is the tree meowing?

[heliakal]

The short answer is yes. The seed pods seem to be growing kittens.

[captain_america]

It..grows kittens? Thats, well, I don't think i actually have words for that. What happens when- I mean. Do the kittens come off the tree, eventually?

voice;

[exteroception]

[Matt can only hear the meowing so he jumps to the conclusion that this is someone who does not know what a cat is. With the kind of people he's found to be here, it does seem like a very likely possibility.]

It sounds like cats. They're like any other pets.

video;

[heliakal]

They're attached to a tree. That's... A little unorthodox where I come from.

voice;

[exteroception]

[?????]

They're attached... to a tree? As in something that grows out of the ground?

[Video]

[narcissistictendencies]

[He... squints at the screen, transferring the video to his Stark Phone and blowing up the holographic image for more detail and... yeah.]

That's... huh. Distressing? I'm sure there's a joke here somewhere that I'm too horror-struck to find. Nope. Here's one, I guess cats really do grow on trees. That explains all the tree'd cats. I'm sure the fire department would love this one.

[He settles back and rubs his neck, still transfixed on the bonsai with something akin to morbid curiosity.]

Now, I'm curious, how would you even water something like that? And do you have to brush it regularly? [Yes, he's managing to keep a straight face... somehow.]

[video]

[heliakal]

[ Clark watches the image leap from the screen and expand. If it wasn't for the running commentary, he might let the momentary fascination distract him.

He's not finding all of this terribly funny in light of what he knows now. Whoever this guy is, he seems to be talking mostly because he likes the sound of his own voice. ]

This is the most helpful contribution yet. [ Can you hear the appreciation? It sounds a lot like sarcasm. Clark is having a very, very long day.

He nudges his glasses back up into place. ]

To answer your question, I'm not sure that it matters. It's likely that it wasn't made to last very long.

[narcissistictendencies]

I aim to be helpful. [He'll meet your sarcasm, mister moody pants.] It's what I do.

Well that's kind of morbid. Okay, so maybe someone in the medical field could give keeping it alive a shot? ...or would it be more humane to euthanise it? --wait. 'Made'? Someone deliberately put that together? I may be a little messed up, but that takes a very special brand of insanity.

Egh, this is more Banner's area, not mine. Sorry, pal. I'm a mechanical engineer, he's the biological one. Um, good luck?

[Yep, not very helpful after all.]