video;

[heliakal]

[ Clark appears on screen wearing a recently acquired pair of glasses from the marketplace. He looks like a buff nerd irritated and uncertain. ]

I think something was delivered to me by mistake. [ He angles the camera so the fuzzy little bonsai tree in front of him is clearly visible. The leaves are covered in fur, it's actually sort of cute but... That tiny meowing sound? That's coming from the tree.

More specifically, from the little seed pods that contain live kittens. ]

If it belongs to anyone, I'll be happy to return it. [ Said mildly. He doesn't know yet if this is an alien species or something more deliberate, but he's trying very hard to give it the benefit of a doubt here. ]

In the meantime... Does anyone know what this is, exactly? Or how to take care of it?

Comments

video;

[forwardmomentum]

[ holy shit. is that -- oh god, it is. oh, shit. miles looks like he can't decide whether to be horrified or laugh. ]

I could tell you what it is, but I don't know if you'd believe me. [ he's still staring at the feed, transfixed, and finally he has to smother a snort. ] I, uh -- don't know if it belongs to anyone, but...I think your best bet is to contact Ivan Vorpatril.

[ yeah this is definitely going to be ivan's problem. ivan's horrible, hilarious problem. ]

video.

[whatdidisay]

( yeah, ivan knows exactly what that is. and just when he'd hoped to never be reminded of his trip to the cetagandan homeworld. the face on the video is one of barely restrained horror. oh no. nope. not doing this. )

Er. You haven't tried removing one of them, have you? ( a beat ) Don't. If you haven't. Just don't.

action.

[whatdidisay]

( do you hear that growl, miles? you absolute shithead. )

[forwardmomentum]

[ miles swings right around in his chair, a grin plastered to his face. ] Oh, hello, Ivan! Didn't see you there. I take it you've seen the post, then?

[Video]

[protohistory]

Does that--

[Liara cuts herself off momentarily, frowning as she leans in to get a better look at what's coming in on her video feed.]

Does that tree have fur?

audio;

[anotheroldsoldier]

[Dear god he can't look at it. He refuses. Bucky has Seen Some Shit but that level of Wrong is... It kind of makes him sick.]

No idea what it is but keep it out of our room. You've ruined kittens for me, Christ.

Video;

[captain_america]

[Its the meowing that catches Steve's attention ok also probably the fur.]

Is that...is the tree meowing?

[heliakal]

Try me. [ Clark frowns a little more. ]

I'll get in touch with him, thanks.

[heliakal]

It looked like a bad idea. [ Thanks x-ray vision. Although there are some things he really wishes he could unsee. ]

I've been told to contact you about this - please tell me you want it back.

[heliakal]

It's got more than fur. [ He touches one of the seed pods and turns the camera so she can see the very tiny kitten that has started trying to fight his finger. ]

I wanted to get them off this thing but they -- I think they're attached.

[heliakal]

It's staying in our room until I figure out what to do with it.

[heliakal]

The short answer is yes. The seed pods seem to be growing kittens.

[anotheroldsoldier]

Absolutely not, I did not sign on for this. [Well there really isn't much he can do about it if Clark insists, besides finding someone else's room to crash in for the night, but... Still. You have to have boundaries, man.] Figure out what to do with it.

[forwardmomentum]

[ well, miles has sold more ridiculous and far less truthful stories than the kitten tree. he shrugs. ]

There's a planet, where Ivan and I come from -- well, a whole empire -- anyway, their culture has a...particular fixation with genetic tinkering. It permeates every level of their society, bordering on fanatical, really. Work on the human genome is only permitted by the highest order of their society, but the lower castes tinker quite extensively with just about everything else -- it's, um, art to them, I suppose. They're very serious about their art.

Anyway, that thing [ he gestures at the kitten tree via his MID screen ] -- or rather, a much larger version of it -- was an exhibit at what amounts to a genetic engineering art show. Actually, I'm a little startled to see one so...small. The one my cousin and I personally encountered was the size of a normal tree, with normal-sized kittens. It was a little, uh... Well, you've seen it for yourself, now. You know.

[protohistory]

[She cringes. There's not a lot that can wrench that sort of reaction from her easily, but there's just something about the concept of kitten tree that feels inherently wrong, even if most of her actual feline experience is-- well, secondhand.]

They're a part of it? That shouldn't be possible-- it's some kind of hybrid?

[She does not accept this science.]

[heliakal]

Look, I'm not happy about this either, but I can't just leave it somewhere. It stays, James. When I find somewhere for it, you'll be the first to know.

[ If you try to out-stubborn Clark, you're going to be here all day. ]

[heliakal]

[ The reply comes several minutes later, and Clark is about three shades paler. ]

Apparently it's supposed to be some kind of art from a civilization that deals extensively with genetic modification. So -- yes. [ Clark cards his fingers through his hair and leans back. ] I have no idea what to do with this.

[whatdidisay]

It is.

( please don't ask him how he knows this, he doesn't want to relieve it. )

No. Miles only sent you my way because he thinks he's funny. Absolutely not.

[whatdidisay]

Don't even start. Once was bad enough, this is--

( he gestures in an attempt to convey horrific and ghastly all rolled up into one. )

[forwardmomentum]

And you'd wish that on someone else? [ miles cocks an eyebrow expectantly at ivan, an expression of nascent disapproval. it's one he's obviously picked up from his mother. ] I think that among the crew here, you'd be the most qualified to look after it. What if some poor, unsuspecting sod makes the same mistake you did once?

[ trying to manipulate ivan into taking it? absolutely. that doesn't mean those aren't real concerns. ]

[heliakal]

Ivan - I didn't even know what this was. It's from your universe. You've got to have a better idea of how to take care of it.

[whatdidisay]

Miles.

( Ivan reaches forward to grip his cousin's shoulders firmly, leveling him with a solid, unflinching look. he knows what you're doing, damn it, and he won't stand for it! )

Take a wormhole jump to hell. I'm not touching it.

[whatdidisay]

If I was Cetagandan, maybe. I'm not. They've probably done something to it that makes it shrivel up and die if a Barrayaran touched it, anyway.

[heliakal]

Unsettling? [ Because that's the first word (polite) to come to mind. It would be one thing if it was some sort of bizarre native species, but someone had actually created this thing. Deliberately. And now he's stuck with it. ]

Alright, so this is someone's idea of art. [ Clark nudges his glasses up so he can pinch the bridge of his nose. This is really not a job for Superman. ] Do you know anything else about it? What it eats? Or if it'll grow enough for the kittens to separate from it?

[forwardmomentum]

[ miles doesn't flinch either, merely raising his eyebrows quite high in an impressive imitation of one of his mother's "i'm going to be practical and you're not going to like it" looks. ]

All right. But if something happens to that poor...uh...thing out of accident or neglect, because of general lack of familiarity, that'll be on you. If you can live with the knowledge that you could've done something to prevent it, then go right ahead. Abandon it to someone else's hands.

[ he shrugs and spreads his hands in a "well, that's that" gesture, and waits. ]