[VIDEO] 001

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[So, with much effort, the MID starts broadcasting a close up of...well, it's a very green eye.]

Is...Is this thing on? Does the light mean it's on? Please let the light mean that it's on...

[The figure pulls back to reveal...a face! Just a normal face, covered in...soot? Burns? One of his bangs might be on fire.]

Okay, so...first off, I guess I should introduce myself. My name's Darin Altway, Master Blacksmith. I'm new here and I guess my new job is mechanical engineer on the Ingress?

[Darin is pointedly keeping the camera close to his face. He looks nervous.]

So uh...full disclosure? I don't know what an Ingress is. Or half of what these things are.

Most of what these things are.

...Almost all of these things.

And I lost my blacksmith hammer, so I've kind of been making due with the tools on hand and hahaha...so, funny story, you can't just hit things with hammers to make them work? Crazy, right? So...if anyone who knows anything about...uh...any of these gadgets and gizmos could come on down to engineering and give me a crash course in...um... everything, I would really appreciate--

[He's cut off by what sounds like something backfiring and creating a much larger fire.]

GAH!! OW!! HOT!! HOT HOT HO--

[The video ends there.]

Comments

[patchricide]

Not when the punchline is, "You're going to get us all killed"!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Why is everyone overreacting! It was a small, contained fire!

Maybe instead of screaming at the guy who honestly didn't mean to cause it, maybe someone can come down and explain how this crap works in the first place!

I'm a blacksmith, not a savant! I can't work on something unless I'm taught what it does!!

[patchricide]

That was what the manual was for!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[He's still sprawled out on the floor.]

Lemme ask you something, lady.

If someone hands you a book thicker than your head and expects you to memorize it, but you have no frame of reference for the language, let alone the terms because they're about a thousand years ahead of your own timeline, do you really think that manual is gonna do you much good?

[patchricide]

It will if you attempt to read it, rather than immediately repurposing it as a hammer.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I did.

I may be primitive, but I'm a tradesman. And I take pride in my work. The manual didn't exactly have a glossary.

So when I stare at the word 'quantum fluctuation' my eyes start to cross because I have no literal point of reference for these things.

[patchricide]

That still doesn't explain how you made the jump to "hitting the equipment with it"!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Oh like you've never been frustrated with something!!

[patchricide]

I'm frustrated with you, right now!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Bet you wish you had a manual to hit me with, huh.

[patchricide]

Your skull could take a far stronger beating than the ship's equipment.

[in other words YES.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Man, was that a compliment?

That must have really hurt you to give, huh?

[patchricide]

... ... ...


Is a thick skull something to be proud of, where you're from?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Hey, it's the nicest thing I've gotten outta you so far, lady.

I'll take what I can get.

[He's laying casually on his side now, scratching at his head. It's almost as if the catastrophic rib trauma from a few minutes ago hadn't even happened.]

[patchricide]

[Hey, buddy. Nasty princesses get things done.

... that is pretty strange, though, isn't it?]

How are you even still conscious? That blast hit you dead-on!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Well, if my mind doesn't get how the laws of the universe work, then my body should follow suit, yeah?

I'm literally too stupid to be hurt.

Ever.

[Yawn.]

[patchricide]

[That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works.]

... you make it very tempting to test that theory.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Try if you want, lady. You know where to find me.

[He stretches then kicks his legs up and hops back into his feet. With that, he starts dusting himself off.]

But if you want a real answer to your question, I'm a lot stronger than I look. Things like that hardly affect me.

[patchricide]

[So this raises a fascinating question for Allura: Is it human? Maybe she had jumped to an early conclusion based on the puny little ears. But the hair doesn't match what's she's seen of human pigmentation -- and that is a detail she pays attention to, for certain reasons -- and given how nonchalant he is about the level of damage he just took...

There is always the distinct possibility that he's from a separate race. One that's more brutish. And primitive.]

Consider this your first true lesson in space engineering, then: All the equipment around you is far more delicate than it appears. If you are doing anything that would risk bodily injury to yourself, then you've gone too far.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I'm confused.

[For a second, it almost sounds like Darin is about to ask for actual clarification.]

[Then he starts grunting.]

Rhythmic beeping relaxes Darin. Make Darin calm.

But flashing lights make Darin mad! Like electric tree from sky when clouds cry!

WHAT DO, LADY BIG-EARS??

[patchricide]

Weren't you trying to convince me that you shouldn't be reassigned?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

No, I was trying to convince you to give me a break.

[patchricide]

Scrubbing toilets should be leisurely compared to the challenges of engineering. Don't you agree?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Oi! Don't go making these decisions on your own!

I'm an engineer! I'm not gonna scrub crap!!

[patchricide]

It's a type of engineering. Bathroom engineering.