thisavrou | audio; a very important statement for the entire crew

[Solemn silence reigns for the first few moments of the broadcast. A shuffle of papers, a clearing of his throat -- or technically, a very good impersonation of it. There's no throat to clear. Anyway.]

Okay, so. I know there's been a lot of back and forth lately, kids. And I don't wanna add to the tension, but as long as we're ripping off band aids? I figure there's no time like the present.

[Another deep breath. Clearly, this is weighing heavily on the guy.]

I'm gonna say a few words that'll mean a lot to you guys. Bran. Oatmeal. Raisins. Words that should never even brush against the word muffin. And yet every Saturday, seems like those are the only muffins I see. I'm not gonna point fingers or anything. I dunno if the blame lies with the people taking the decent pastries or the persons allowing those ingredients to infect perfectly good muffins in the first place, but it's a tragic miscarriage of judgment and for the safety of the crew, I think it's important we all address the massive, raisin dotted elephant in the room.

I'm mean, jeez, guys. There are kids on this ship. What if they mistake them for chocolate chips? We're all responsible if we do nothing. Get it together, Moira.

[Another deep breath. He's said his peace. When he speaks again, it's as if a completely different person is grinning into the mic.]

And hey, as long as we're all here, feel free to air your various grievances too. Y'know, to save the Captains their bandwidth. Let it all out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[There's a shot of a plate of muffins (mostly blueberry, although there's a few chocolatey-looking ones), before it returns to her face.]

Early bird gets the muffins, Sans. And that bird is me.

who HURT you?

Years of military messhall forged me into the person you see before you.

[She selects a muffin, and casually starts picking off the top — just the top — and holds out the bottom.]

I could be convinced to split them, though.

[The stump? Why don't you just spit on him and insult his dress sense while you're at it.]

why are you like this

Edited 2016-06-07 03:19 (UTC)

What, no good?

Fine — top's yours.

[She holds it out to the video — but the blueberries have already all been picked off of it.]

[Finally, Sans can bear it no longer. He flips the tab to video, sucking in a deep breath through his nasal bone, as if gathering his strength, before expelling his admonishment in one loud burst.]

That is a war crime.

[She gasps, her face a portrait of mock shock] No!

[and in one swift movement, the entire muffin top goes from her hand — into her mouth.]

[Chewing.

Chewing.

Chewing.

Shep holds up one finger. One moment, please.]

[Turning away from the camera for a moment, there's the sound of her drinking water from a bottle, washing the rest of it down.]

[--And she turns back to the MID camera, expression defiant, eyes sparkling.]

How can I be tried... when there's no evidence?

[Forced to watch the flagrant display, Sans leans back in his chair, eye sockets squinting in distaste as she finally gulps the last bite down.]

Alright. You asked for this.

[He leans down to dig around through some cast of trash on his floor (what? he lives alone, don't judge him) before pulling a pen from the mess, uncapping it with great purpose.]

[For a split second, the feed goes black.]

[When the feed comes back to life, it's showing... the back of Shepard's head? A piece of paper, emblazoned with the words pastry terrorist, is stuck quickly to her back before the feed once again goes black.

... And comes to again, with Sans back in his room, buffing his non existent nails against his uniform.]

[As soon as she sees it on the feed, she swings around at top speed — and no one's there. Only the sound of the paper affixed to her back, fluttering from the movement. By the time she looks back, the MID is full of smugskeleton.

Huh.

She ain't even mad — to the contrary, it's hilarious. That was hella well done. Later, she'd even like to ask how it was done. Reaching around to her back, she manages to snatch the paper off on the first grab, and holds it up to the camera, expression as serious as she can manage, considering.]

Alright, Sans, I went easy on you. Even offered to share my deservedly-gotten gains. But this? This means war.

[Shepard crumples the paper into a ball, and chucks it at the MID's camera — before taking a new muffin, and biting into it.

From the bottom. From the video angle, it's clear to see that there's a big chunk missing — paper muffin wrapper and all.

And then she eats it.]

[He can't even object to the eating garbage part. He'd do that himself. Hell, at a certain point, if you get some grease soaked paper in with your french fries, is it really that different from eating another fry? Nah.

But this?

She wasn't even sharing the paper.]

If you keep going on like you are now, you're gonna have an unpleasant experience.

Edited 2016-06-07 06:47 (UTC)

We talking digestive tract-wise? I admit, I have my doubts about paper versus bran, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

For the good of the--

[There is a loud series of noisy, hacking coughs, which she barely covers her mouth for.]

Yeah, that might not have been--[She covers her mouth again, and coughs a few more times, before a piece of paper wrapper flies into her hand. She stares at it, then looks back to the MID.]--that was definitely not my coolest move.

But hey — thanks for the warning, Sans. If it wasn't for you, who knows what might've happened?

Maybe it's best if we call a truce on this muffin war.

For now.

audio; a very important statement for the entire crew

VIDEO

text;

VIDEO

text;

VIDEO

video;

VIDEO 1/???

no subject

no subject

VIDEO 4/4 DONE SORRY LMAO

video; 1/3

video; 2/3

video; 3/3

VIDEO

1/?

2/?

3/?

video; 4/4

VIDEO 1/4

VIDEO just kidding 2/3

STILL A VIDEO 3/4 HAHA GOTCHA AGAIN

VIDEO 4/5 PSYCHE HEH

VIDEO 5/5 DONE