video ★ 002

[sidecars]

[ After several informative talks about modern contraception from his roommates and down in Medbay, Bucky can't keep all of this brand new knowledge to himself! No sir! He has wisely chosen to use the public network to proclaim his discoveries. Enjoy. ]

Why have I only just learned about flavored condoms?!

[ Seriously, guys. Shame on you. Also someone take his MID privileges away from him. ]

Comments

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[saveyourserpent]

[Liquid's mostly keeping a straight face. Mostly. It's probably taking a lot of effort.]

There's a whole wide world of supplies out there.

Honestly, I'm usually surprised when something doesn't come in a flavored version.

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[sidecars]

Is that what millennials do now? Flavor everything? I heard they have edible underwear now!

What the hell's it even made out of?

[abide]

[ He is trying very hard not to sigh at this. Because why. ]

That's not what they gave us the MIDs for.

[sidecars]

I completely beg to differ, sourpuss.

[beautifulspaceraptor]

This is fascinating.

[sidecars]

Isn't it? I better get samples ASAP! I gotta know what flavors've been made!

[warandpeace]

[Those weren't invented until the 90s. Not unless R&D has something up their sleeve that no one chose to fill Miller in on.]

...

Well that would have made the sixties a lot more interesting.

[Is there a market for that because he will totally go back and make a business and give it a terrible name and everyone will be ashamed. But Code Talker sure as hell isn't going to be the taste tester for that, no sir.]

[sidecars]

It woulda made every decade more interesting! I feel like I've wasted so much time. What is my life worth if not for the discovery of flavored condoms?

[ Okay, that's a little dramatic, but Bucky stands by it! ]

[vengeance_driven]

Yeah, there's those.

There is flavored lube, too.

Syrups and things you can use to lick off someone down there. You can do a lot with whipped cre-

Okay, any children listening to this? Turn this shit off now, you are too young to know any of this.

Okay? Okay good.

Yeah, whipped cream. But that shit is hardly a big deal. Half the good stuff is more than sticking it in, man. You should probably talk to people more in the know than me and find out some good things.

[But Niko is very, very in the know. He's just not gonna say so.]

[sidecars]

Instead of, like, Vaseline? Holy moley... [ He is learning so much ow his head hurts! It's expanding too fast!!! ] But I don't know anyone in the know! Everyone I know is just learnign about flavored condoms with me!!

Okay, but [ Bucky leans in closer like somehow it makes this conversation more private. ] What's it actually taste like? Is it even good?

i hope youre happy

[camouflage]

[the only thought that can possibly race through his head at the moment of reading this post is why.

he spends too long contemplating if he'll actually ask before returning to silently watching the network like a creeper.]

so happy

[sidecars]

[ Hey tank buuuudddy! Ever tried flavored lube yet? ]

[ersatzeverything]

Yeah, they're really not that exciting though. You're going to be in for a disappointment. Or maybe it's just that the ones I know about are, like, two hundred years old and the flavor's dulled.

[sidecars]

.... Please tell me you are not using two hundred year old condoms. They do expire!

video; device registered to Natalie Rushman

[pickingup]

Because you've grown up without internet access or friends, I would assume.

[ She's got a raised eyebrow, but there's a glimmer of humor in her eyes. ]

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[sidecars]

[ Wow how rude! You are so lucky you look like his future soulmate, Missy, or so help him! ]

Well. Yeah! The "internet" hasn't been invented when I'm from. And I have friends, thank you very much!

[ HUFF HUFF HUFF!! He is so not about your humor. ]

voice;

[highlyintuitive]

Sex education varies by planet and culture. Some don't get told about things.

[ The multicultural anglo-sino future is a rather sex positive place going by the culturally accepted high class space hookers running around. ]

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[sidecars]

Well it's a goddamn tragedy! That's what it is!

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[takeitslow]

They come in flavors?

[Peter will join you in that annoyance of not knowing.]

video;

[sidecars]

Apparently! I mean, I haven't had the proof in my hands yet, but this is what I've been hearing!

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[imanapexpredator]

Dude...there are, like, a million different novelty condoms out there.

video;

[sidecars]

Wh—Like what? What else've they made?

[ TELL HIM NOW!! ]

Video

[gentlemenpreferblondes]

Oh. That's just gross. Do they smell too?

Video

[sidecars]

That! Is a good question, I have no idea. Haven't seen one yet, only heard about 'em.

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[foggybear]

How old are you, exactly?

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[sidecars]

Old enough

[ to kick your ass! Don't be rude, Foggy. ]

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[smoothaf]

But do they taste any good?

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[sidecars]

So far I've gotten one "eh"
It's not looking promising

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[hyperkinesia]

[ Alright so this isn't usually the kind of broadcast Bruce bothers to reply to, but this is... unusual. And amusing in some weird way. Mostly because of the guy's face. ]

You should see the ones that glow in the dark.

[ Not that he makes use of them, but he still knows about them, alright. ]

text;

[sidecars]

OK
Now you guys are just pulling my leg

[Video]

[narcissistictendencies]

[Okay, he just can't not say something here. He really shouldn't. This is one of those moments he'll regret when Pepper finds out, but right now? He's going for it.]

Welcome to the 21st century, kid. Flavoured condoms and lube. Mix 'n match. They have heated lube, textured condoms, edible underwear--still not quite sure why... quite a few things have changed in the sex industry since you hit the legal age, Jimmy.

[Video]

[sidecars]

[ OH GOOD. IT'S YOU. ]

Why does the texture matter?

Video

[pushed]

It's false advertising. Grape doesn't taste like that.

Video

[sidecars]

Who would ever want grape flavor anyway?

[ Now he's just scowling harder. ]

When did you...? [ He starts vaguely gesturing at the peach fuzz all over "Steve's" face, but he doesn't finish is line of thought because it's clear it isn't his brother. Weeeiiiirrrd. He's just going to frown at you until you leave or reveal your nefarious purposes willingly. ]

video - i have to be That Guy sorry

[knaval]

They had something edible that... wasn't flavoured? Ew.

sokay Bucky is usually That Guy so I understand

[sidecars]

Wh— [ Hang on he needs to get this bark of a laugh out before it gets stuck. You silly robots and your words. ] No, noo no. You don't eat condoms. You slide 'em on your junk to keep VD at bay. And babies, that's the big one.

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[swaddledog]

Condoms? [ She sure is a grown ass woman but they didn't have those where she's from. ]

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[sidecars]

[ You sure are a grown ass woman talking about condoms. Oh God, what does Bucky do?? This doesn't seem appropriate!! ]

Yeah, the... latex prophylactic you, uh, use during sex. Keeps babies and VD away?

[ This ringing any bells for you? ]

video

[songoftime]

[Hello, Bucky. This is the face of a ten-year-old boy. He looks pretty confused.]

Is... this exciting? [He. Uh. He doesn't get it. Maybe it's because he doesn't know what a condom is (he doesn't). But if someone's getting this excited about it, then it's probably at least a little important, right? So... Link should find out why.]

Re: video

[sidecars]

[ Oh goddamnit. WELP! Steve's sure going to rub this in his face the next time he sees him. Awesome. THANKS YOU STUPID TEN YEAR OLD AUGH!! ]

Well. It's exciting for me, you know, as an adult.

[ Hint hint. ]

text;

[peridork]

What is a "condom"

[First children, now confused aliens. Have fun explaining it to this one, Buck.]

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[sidecars]

[ Oh my God, crack a friggin' book, people!! ]

It's a piece of latex that keeps baby batter inside it when people are having sex
That way those people don't start making more tinier versions of themselves in nine months

voice;

[typhlopid]

[Amused:] Yes, and there's flavored lubricant too. Do you require further instruction on safer sex?

voice;

[sidecars]

Ha, please! I am practically the poster boy for safer sex in the US Army.

[ No seriously. These are the kinds of PSAs he has to do while on tours back in America and for biased news reels. They call him James "Don't Forget your Condom!" Barnes. ]