video 04 | Hay Fever

[clussy]

(The feed comes on to Eddie sitting there looking very, very cross. He has a piece of cloth wrapped around his face, covering his nose and mouth, but anyone would be able to recognize him well enough by now. His grey eyes are fierce. Oh yeah. The entire ship is in for it.

He puts his hands up and tips his body to the left side of the screen.)

Nooooooooo Eddie. Mold in space is crazy, Eddie! Why would mold exist in space, Eddie!

(He tips his body to the right side of the screen and crosses his arms over his chest.)

Well guys, I don't know. Because I know how water and bacteria work? Because this isn't the first time I've experienced basic plumbing.

(And back to the left he goes, those hands up in the air now.)

But Eddddddie! You're just being paranoid!! Mold? On a ship! That's dumb!

(And he swivels back to the right.)

OH, I'm sorry. You're right. Why should I not be paranoid in a setting where we have next to nothing on the biological expectations of things like fucking mold?

(Eddie turns his eyes back to the camera, now just looking plain old unimpressed. He raises a finger.)

Not to say I told you so, but I totally told you so. It's kind of super hard to see, but I started having an asthmatic fit in the hall and I was like, wow, this hasn't happened in a while. And then I noticed that it was where one of the pipes had burst. And I was like, huh. Coincidence? Probably not. And guess what buckos? Mold. SPACE MOLD. Because guess what? If humans can exist on a ship, then so can bacteria and stuff like spores. Honestly. I should never listen to anyone.

We have plants here, guys, there's organic material everywhere. There's dinos running everywhere. Probably shitting in the pipes. There's actual shit in the pipes, by the way, at least some of them I assume. Organic. Material. And! On top of that! It's wet! (Wow uh, Eddie really can shriek, can't he?)

So what do we do? You should all wear face masks. Mold can cause a lot of serious health hazards. You can get respiratory infections, which if left untreated, can and WILL kill you! If your throat feels funny, that could be the mold! If your head feels funny, probably the mold! Keep your nose and mouth covered. Make sure your living areas are properly dried out. Gosh. Be careful!

(How does it feel to be parented by a literal twelve year old? Cause that definitely just happened.)

Comments

[beeped]

and i'll go back to my cheese making

but do u rlly

[clussy]

BUT YOU COULD DIE FROM THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Sometimes.

[beeped]

OR I COULD MAKE THE BEST SPACE CHEESE

gosh eds that's so sweet

[clussy]

If you make that space cheese and then eat it, I'm not coming within five to ten feet of you for at least a week.

A WEEK.

I am the sweetest person in the entire fucking universe.

[beeped]

that's fine, eds. it's gonna be nacho cheese anyway

prove it :p

[clussy]

I am nominating a new best friend starting tomorrow. Putting posters up all over the station.

Sorry that is reserved for people who deserve my sweetness >:|

[beeped]

you know your new best friend won't ever be as much of a best friend as me, eds
are you gonna do auditions?

wow turns out i don't even need the space cheese to kill me after all :( </3

[clussy]

(God damn it.)

I guess he wouldn't be, no.
Ugh. No. I'll just deal with you.

Oh my gosh! Shut up. Don't make me feel bad. That's not allowed when you're being dumb.

[beeped]

i know it's a real hassle eddie spaghetti but i'll make it with your while with side splitting chucks

hey! you were being dumb first


seriously though don't feel bad it was a joke

[clussy]

When do the chucks come exactly? Now or in like ten years?

When was I being dumb!!!!!!!!!!


Okay okay. Fine.

[beeped]

hard to say. there's a lot of shipping delays 'cause we're in space

like forever ago? parent up my dude

i'm just yanking your chain, eds

[clussy]

(...........Eddie may or may not have giggled at that one. But no one could ever prove it.)

You're always yanking my chain, Richie. I hate it.

And I was not being dumb.

[beeped]

i am not and no you don't, you're just being difficult

uh huh OK eds

[clussy]

I'M being difficult????

WHEN WAS I DUMB

[beeped]

yeah like this entire time you're like on hard moDE for no reason

earlier, like that was obvious

[clussy]

YOU'RE ON DIFFICULT MODE!!??

(He doesn't even know what that means. He is also stressed about mold, Richie, gosh.)

[beeped]

nah baybee im on easy mode, got my collar popped and everything

[clussy]

You literally do not have an easy mode.

Come take a walk with me.

[beeped]

what about when im asleep?

okay, ill come find you

[clussy]

You crushed my arm last night so no, not even when you're asleep.

I made a face cover for you.

[beeped]

:(!!!!!

omg eds am i that ugly

[clussy]

(..........)

Yes, Richie. You are literally so ugly I almost want to like girls.

[beeped]

oh god dude
i'm pretty sure i just saw a pig fly

[clussy]

(Eddie is blushing SO HARD.)

It's so you don't breathe the mold in, stupid.