thisavrou | video; I Want to Hug Every Dino But I Can't. (Can't Hug Every Dino)

[ Kelly Ann takes a deep breath and lets it out, tense and fidgety in front of the camera. ]

Ok. Wow, heh. This is um. Harder when I'm not on pain meds. So anyway, I don't know if everybody has noticed but like. Half the space station is fucking flooded. But this isn't about that.

Even with the cull and all, there's still a bunch of these little dinos around. [ She glances at something behind the camera and gestures, indicating it should follow. ] All the water is making them like, cold or some shit. So they're looking for warm places. You might find them like, near lamps or even in your bed in the morning. They might get attracted to appliances, like if you're baking something. Shit like that. See, here's some. I just got these towels out of the dryer and there's like these little anklyosauruses, I think, all curled up in there. Looks like two or three. They're really wiggling around in there. See if you can get a good shot.

[ The camera pans down to show the chicken-sized armored dinos burrowing into what used to be Kelly Ann's clean towels, with a similarly diminutive velociraptor looking on with an expression that is unmistakably miffed. The camera then pans back up to Kelly Ann. ]

When the dinos first showed up, Shepard said not to keep them as pets but Peter and I have had Pino this whole time and he's fine. [ She glances behind the camera again and hisses. ] Shut up he doesn't bite you that much. [ She looks back to the camera. ] And I mean. She's still in cryo so. [ She pauses just a moment. ]

So whatever. They don't all have to be used for research or killed. If you want one as a pet, let me or Peter know. We've been collecting them in my room, but I can't keep any of them. Pino has been trying to eat the others. And he gets protein cubes and jerky so he's not hungry, he's just being a little shit.

[ She glances behind the camera. ] Right. Stop rambling.

There's a bunch of different kinds, not just anklyosaurs. So whatever your favorite dinosaur is, we probably have one. Or a new favorite you don't even know about yet.

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Wow. He might like me, but you're just cruel. I can't believe you'd say that about my dog. Barkley, can you believe she said that?

[He whistles, and a robot dog's head pops into view, looking as sad and ear-sagging as any real dog could, just...not as soft.

He makes a whining sound. It's very sad.]

Does it poop? Because if it doesn't poop it's not the same.

[ The dinos definitely poop. Which makes her glad that Peter talked her into getting rid of most of them. ]

Yep. He poops scrap metal.

[Entirely straight face.]

Ew. That's like one of those Baby Alive dolls that craps its diapers.

One of the what?

[A normal childhood with normal toys, what?]

Baby Alive. They were these dolls that like. Ate and pooped. I could never figure out how they worked. I used to get into fights with one of my foster sisters about it because she thought they were real or some shit. But like. That was clearly impossible.

[ Never actually saw one in person, she's not really the best person to ask about the whole toys thing. Most of her experience is through commercials. ]

Edited 2018-01-28 07:54 (UTC)

Seriously? That's disgusting. Kids play with these things?

[He's entirely distracted from the attempted dino-giveaway now.]

You just said your robot poops scrap metal. It's the same thing. And I never knew anybody who actually had one, so I don't know.

But what I do know is that Pino is the best pet I've ever had. [ He's also the only pet she's ever had but he doesn't need to know that. ] Do you really want to live your life knowing you could have had a pet dinosaur and decided not to?

[It's so not the same thing.]

Yep. [He answers immediately.] I don't believe in regrets. It's a rule.

Oh, so cool you definitely want one then. Because there's no way you wouldn't regret this. I mean look at that triceratops!

[ A curious triceratops wandered over and sniffed the camera, looking up at it with big eyes. ]

I can't keep all of them in here and if Shepard or Black Widow finds them wandering around they will definitely kill them.

That's a shame.

[He doesn't know about the spider lady, but Shepard probably will, yeah.]

Well, see you around.

So you just called to mock me for the fact that all these animals I care about are going to get slaughtered.

Go fuck yourself.

[ She hangs up. ]