thisavrou | audio; slightly backdated to an ungodly hour of the morning

Good morning.

[ the voice on the other end seems to have a vague Russian accent. ]

Since it seems to be a common theme lately, I have a question for everyone: What is the absolute strangest thing you've ever seen or experienced, either where you come from, or from here?

[ a pause ]

In the interest of good faith, I've got a story to share with you about mine. My first Commanding Officer had the unique ability to shoot electricity out of his hands. He was a real piece of work, [ no that was probably sharing too much ] but that's neither here or there. Anyways... he could shoot electricity out of his hands. Which you might or might not find out of the ordinary, but it wasn't quite the weirdest shit I've ever run up against.

[ but back to the story ] Anyways, he ended up getting killed by an enemy agent, much to the dismay of almost no one. But, even if his brain was gone, somehow his body was kept alive, almost out of sheer spite.

And twenty years later, he woke up. But he was on fire. And that fire... [ a pause as he looks for the right word ] zombie [ that was not the right word ] chased me and this other guy on a flaming unicorn.

And that was the strangest thing I've ever experienced.

[ but instead of it shutting off, his tone changes ever so slightly, as he seems to be talking to a person on the other end. ]

-So as you can see, I'm perfectly...

[ no. now it's shut off. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

uhhuh i'm so convinced

[ granted, he actually knows what it's like to be on all sorts of drugs, and this guy sounds mostly lucid. it's that small percent of uncertainty, though. ]

it was back home. bodyswitching is a thing for a very small group of the population.
there was also that time an airplane crashlanded on a boat, but that was an accident.

Even if that were true, you know I've had drug resistance training.

[ he really really had. ]

How? Through psychic powers?

[ because that is the answer for everything. that, and nanomachines. ]

i don't even know you, man. you are way more drugged than i thought. this is great.
where'd you get your drugs???

[ he could use some of that right now. ]

long and short version, yeah. something like that. i can read minds sometimes too.

Like I said I haven't had any drugs. Only vodka.

[ a... lot of vodka. but not so much he can't still write. ]

Can you?

Wouldn't be the first time I've seen that either.

what the fuck kind of vodka makes you sound like a david lynch movie

telepathy is shit

It's a true story.

The friend in question is here, actually.

yeah? they can verify your story? they have a unicorn horn on them?

Yeah, they can. And while they don't have a unicorn horn, they do have a piece of shrapnel sticking out of their head.

[ Venom is a Good Bro. ]

oh that guy
mr. stranger danger

he fought a unicorn

what the fuck kind of world did you guys come from

Earth. 1984.

Nothing special.

[ hey, when your dad's a psychic ghost... ]</small.

man you're fucking old

what was 1984 like? did everyone really have mullets?

[ . . . ]

I'm only forty.

[ and, he'd usually been among the younger out of the group he'd been part of. but, times change. ]

Only the cool people.

[ though John's had a mullet since the 60's. ]

my DOB states 1994
you're really old

[ technically he's way younger than that, buuuuuuuuut digression, and also beside the point. ]

so were you cool or were you uh
square???

I don't really keep up with current hair styles.

Besides, things are different in the Soviet Union than the West.

[ he's not even touching on the "old" comments. because. he's. not. old. ]

oh

1984, that's cold war era right?

were there really a lot of spies

Well, if you know there's lots of spies, they aren't very good spies, now are they?

[ you're talking to one. ]

[ what the hell is up with this showbiz answer ]

does it look like we're in soviet russia, surrounded by the kgb, with the kremlin breathing down our necks

For all you know, there might be spies among us right now. Monitoring the network, even.

But the KGB had nothing on the GRU.

[ drunk though he is, he's willing to reveal he's a special forces soldier. that's all the kid needs to know. ]

there's always spies
that's a given even in 2014
spies are a constant of everyday life

[ well, if he's speaking for himself anyway. spies are everywhere, grass is green, etc. ]

what's the GRU?

[ 2014... well. he'd be properly old then, if he was still alive. ]

The military intelligence branch of the Soviet Union. They have a bit of a rivalry with the KGB.

[ and he works for both. you have to keep everyone on their toes. ]

so it's like the cia versus the fbi or something
huh
the more you know

which one were you?

[ he's just going off some assumptions here, thanks ]

[ he has no problem answering this. one thing was at least public knowledge. ]

The GRU, of course. Back home, I'm a Soviet officer.

didn't think there would be inter-agency competition in russia, of all places
this is cool to know though
what else do you guys do?

Like I said, I was military.

Nothing too much out of the ordinary. Though I did get the change to meet some fascinating people, as you heard.

yeah, speaking about that
the unicorn isn't an allegory, right
that was an actual mythical unicorn???

so was the guy a virgin or was that fake?

(no subject)

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