[NSFW] Tentacles and Shields Series Pre-Poll

[neverheardofhim]

I'm not going to waste your time with bullshit terms and conditions. It's like it says at the top: I'm looking for ideas for my next serial. It's a smutty romance, about the only damn thing that sells on this planet. And since most people here have vivid enough imaginations to make a dwarf blush, I figure I'd leave it up to you.

In short: Submit your fantasies here. I'll make a poll from that and you depraved monsters will decide from there.

Winner gets a year -- or whatever that is here -- subscription to every Tentacle and Shields serial and a dedication in the first chapter. All participants will receive my unending judgement.

Comments

video;

[otiosity]

Dragons!

[neverheardofhim]

Uh. Hawke?

video;

[pubcrawl]

I like where this is going. Go on...

video

[lavelly]

A tree.

[neverheardofhim]

A tree.

I'm starting to regret this.

[coldhardy]

Smutty romance?

[She seems a little shocked, although this is not the first smutty romance she's run into on Kauto.]

[neverheardofhim]

You know what sex is, right?

voice;

[seity]

What do the tentacles have to do with the shields?

[neverheardofhim]

Uh.
Nothing, kid. Nothing at all.

Video;

[pubcrawl]

Go a little deeper than the last one.

[neverheardofhim]

Do I want to know what "the last one" is?

Audio;

[beautifulspaceraptor]

Two dicks on one person! Maybe more?

[ Nihlus is getting that subscription, free or otherwise. ]

[neverheardofhim]

Finally, something relatively normal. You might just win by default, big guy. Even if that does sound... messy.

audio;

[shiro2hero]

... Tentacles...? Why is it called tentacles?

[neverheardofhim]

Tentacles and Shields. It's a play off of my first romance serial, swords and shields.

video;

[redshitlord]

Oo! Oo!

Superheroes!

[... okay, someone may have heard "fantasies" and thought of a different kind.]

[neverheardofhim]

Uh... huh. Looks like you and sweetcheeks up there both need a sex-ed lesson.

[gentlemenpreferblondes]

Tentacle and shield has to be the least sexiest title that there is.

[neverheardofhim]

You do realize you're insulting my first romance ever.

Actually, can't blame you there. Anyway, it's just the company name. The story itself will have a much better title.

audio;

[liberaltus]

Maker's flaming knickers.

And no, that was not a suggestion.

[otiosity]

I'd read it. I bet Andraste was buxom.

video;

[nyxus]

[He doesn't know a thing about writing but this is too hilarious to pass up on. He doesn't mind sharing a few fantasies all in the name of art!]

Public sex.

No, wait... roof top sex. Yeah!

[neverheardofhim]

How about roof top sex in a crowd?

[At least these suggestions were tame. Maybe too tame for an entire serial to be based around, but at least he could take notes.]

video;

[sketchycharacter]

[Nate's not in the mood for this. He's really, really not. Unfortunately, he's not in the mood for anything, and friends' voices have a way of penetrating the fog surrounding him.]

Ten D-cups and a barrel of baby oil.

[He's not remotely serious. In fact he's pretty sure his libido is gone forever.]

[neverheardofhim]

Sounds messy, Drake. How about... slime instead of baby oil. Alien slime.

[seekingmyfortune]

"Tentacle and Shields?" Your main character going to be a walking octopus or something?

[neverheardofhim]

You people wouldn't know homage if it bit you in the ass, would you?

[warandpeace]

What's the shield for? The plot part I hope.

[He can guess what the other one is at least.]

[Also he's totally going to buy these and read them except pretend he's not if he's ever caught.]

[neverheardofhim]

It's a play on an old work of mine, and has nothing to do with the series I'm working on now. Do you people not know how publishing companies work?

text

[ascendit]

where do i subscribe

[the very face of "your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter"]

[neverheardofhim]

Send your name, Region, and lot number for a physical copy, or give me your name and I'll send you something digitally.

For 10 sencs a month, that is.

[Why yes, Varric is absolutely sending porn to a child. What are Thedosian standards, even.]

video;

[chaoticlootral]

I know a thing or two about protecting my brand, homeboy, don't try and pull a fast one on me. Dedications don't mean dick, I want kickbacks.

[neverheardofhim]

Kickbacks? You're going to have to offer up more than a concept in that case, kid.

{ audio }

[frostedplum]

I don't know if there's a special name for it, but that thing where you draw on someone's skin with an ice cube!

[neverheardofhim]

Ordinarily, I'd say that's too tame. Boring even. But maybe she's a mage, using her forbidden arts to please her partner.

I think you're onto something, sweetheart.

text;

[a_shadow]

You want a bullet-point list or how do you want this

[neverheardofhim]

Listen. If you're well-rounded enough to have a list then I'm up for reading it.

audio

[foins]

You are serious? That is the only type of book that sells in this place?

[Disappointing. She is quite fond of stories of adventure herself, of heroes that travel great lands and leave behind a legacy.]

[neverheardofhim]

Unfortunately. But if you can convince me something else might sell, I might be able to produce something else.

You'd have to make a real nice offer though, princeess.

[ruffboi]

Okay, yeah, sure. Here's my main fantasy.

So, first of all, you need probably about ten or twenty guys. Oh, wait, that's kind of close minded of me. Guys and ladies, ladies can be there too. Or really any gender. I'm just saying, you need a lot of bodies in the room if you're going to pull off this type of fantasy. Are you with me so far? Everybody's got to be super strong and super flexible. Now, it's not just humans, you definitely, definitely want a lot of variation. That's the way it's going to work, or it's going to be too boring. You want elves, you want dwarves, you want goblins - actually, you want animals, too, now that I think about it. A couple guys on horses, some dogs maybe. All of them are just hungry for some action and they're all getting ready to just go to town on me. And also there, there's just a bunch of robots, and you look at them, and it's like, damn, they were made for this, you know? And maybe there's even like, a giant bear or like a slime monster, and it looks hungry. And they're all just going to take me on at once, and I don't know if my body can even take that kind of punishment, but I'm definitely going to try.

So that's basically it.

[neverheardofhim]

What the fuck.

video;

[efficacy]

I can't believe nobody's suggested the good old classics, yet.

Toys. Paddles, whips, crops, maybe a gag and a collar with a leash. Bondage and actual domination, none of that beginner's featherweight stuff. Maybe with a dash of humiliation.

[otiosity]

Of course, the basics. How could we forget? This is why we need you to set us all right. We'd be deep down a dark smutty tunnel without a rope to get us back up.

...Literally without ropes.