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video - this is stupid
Uh-- is this working? Hello?
[the screen picture is perfectly showing riptide's panicked expression.]
I have absolutely no idea-- uh. My name is Riptide! I was with the crew of the Moira, but now I have no idea where I am. Crazy, right? I think I passed out? I have no idea. Anyway, this is a call for help! I've been approached by people and-- it's awful! I need an extraction immediately!
[he groans dramatically.]
They want me to get a job! [he was recommended to get a job.] A job! Like-- like being employed somewhere! Being paid to have responsibilities! I think one of them even said I can buy a-- a place to live?! I... I need to sit down. I have literally been tortured before and I've never, at this exact moment, been more uncomfortable in my entire life!
[the screen picture is perfectly showing riptide's panicked expression.]
I have absolutely no idea-- uh. My name is Riptide! I was with the crew of the Moira, but now I have no idea where I am. Crazy, right? I think I passed out? I have no idea. Anyway, this is a call for help! I've been approached by people and-- it's awful! I need an extraction immediately!
[he groans dramatically.]
They want me to get a job! [he was recommended to get a job.] A job! Like-- like being employed somewhere! Being paid to have responsibilities! I think one of them even said I can buy a-- a place to live?! I... I need to sit down. I have literally been tortured before and I've never, at this exact moment, been more uncomfortable in my entire life!
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[thanks, tarn.]
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Fast forward a few hundred thousand years. The war is still going because we, as a race, suck at not killing each other. New soldiers are being pumped out - they're basically being created and forced out onto the battlefield a couple of minutes later. I was one of those! It's called made to order! Anyway, we fought and we fought and four million years later, Megatron (that's the miner) decided he couldn't be bothered with it anymore and officially gave up the fight. Nice of him, seeing as we're on the verge of extinction and stuff.
[he shrugs.]
Also, Cybertronians have been blacklisted from most of space because we have a habit of making everything horrible and destroying planets. Thanks, Megatron!
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...So, you're all basically as shit as humans are.
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Shit, man. Had no idea you were created to basically be nothing but a Terminator.
I guess you getting your robo panties all in a twist about having to get a job is starting to make more sense now, though. 'Cause if all you've been doing for the past four million years is busting your ass tryna nuke other robots... doesn't leave a whole lotta time to do mundane shit like getting a job, huh? Means you haven't got a clue what having a job actually involves, am I right?
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Like, boat pilot? With the whole speedboat thing you can do?
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Well, I mean, we're in space. Which means anything is possible, right? Unless there's something else you like doing? Gardening? Walking dogs? Painting?
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Hey, look, man, it'll be okay. You've made it this far, right? Four million years? Of what sounds like a massively shit situation? Means you'll get through this, too, yeah? Something'll work itself out.
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[he doesn't think a human could comprehend the amount of time he has to deal with.]
What are you doing?
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Uhh, as in, what am I doing right now? Or what am I doing as in, why am I tryna help out? [ A beat, then: ] I can come hang out if you want company, if that's what you're askin'.
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[he appreciates it, small man.]
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