video; 00:01

[timeframes]

[Dave, social media mogul, definitely has a lock on how to work a fancy future smart watch - you’ll be greeted by the sight of a be-shaded blonde and also a gray dude with horns (and no shades, sadly) crowding the same screen.]


Yo. I get it, we gotta show our faces on here - give you the low-down on the fresh new shit in town, lay out what the fuck we’re about. So back on my home planet they call me Owen Wilson, but you can call me Dave that’s cool. [Maybe it’s his middle name.]

Right. And I’m beloved and seriously underrated Jen Aniston co-star Ben Stiller. You may refer to me exclusively as Mr. Stiller. Assuming you’re given permission to address us at all. For now, all of you have probationary permission to speak to us, so consider your questions carefully.

Think we’re supposed to list all our superpowers and shit, bro, give the club a heads up as to what the fuck we can do. Actor, model, Oscar nominee, dated Sheryl Crow, recently coronated Troll King, fashion icon, DJ and rap artist. Also in the dope-ass driver’s seat of all your entertainment needs.

Yeah. Sure. We’re the king of all the trolls and all of that. I mean, listen. Between the two of us, we have some pretty fucking formidable superpowers. That’s all I’m going to say about it. I don’t actually see how it’s any of anyone’s business or why they need to know our powers anyway, so that’s pretty much all that needs to be said about it.

Oh yeah, also, I’m in charge of emotionally counseling you chucklefucks from now on. There will be some new policies put into place in the future, but more on that once I’ve determined where letting you whine on about your problems fits into my very busy schedule.

The dude has got shit to do. He'll pencil you in. Anyway, cool, icebreaker obligation friggin’ demolished, we have introduced the fuck out of ourselves. Weirdly probing questions, comments, concerns, whatever.

Don’t forget about the probation, though. I’m serious about that.

[Red = Dave, Gray = Karkat] 

Comments

action;

[gainedlove]

[...that was a lot of swear words. Will Toriel be mad if they talk with these two?]

[...EH.]

Hi, my name's Frisk! I don't think I ever met a troll before. D'you both got the same powers an' stuff?

[bloodpressured]

[She will be so mad because the swear words will never stop.]

Next question.

OH MY GOD I MEANT VIDEO

[gainedlove]

[WELP not like Frisk hasn't heard half of these already anyway!]

Huh? But you didn't answer!

no worries!

[bloodpressured]

Didn't I make it clear we're on probationary question period? Don't push it.

[gainedlove]

[Frisk wrinkles their nose and blows a raspberry at the camera, then glances to the side while they think.]

Ummmmm...what kinda food d'you like?

[timeframes]

[Please don't get them yelled at by a mom.]

If the power is being dope, then yeah.

oh lord that was supposed to be video don't tag while packing kids

[gainedlove]

[That sounds like it's your problem, bruh.]

Is that like bein' cool? I know a lotta cool people!

[timeframes]

Sort of. Cool is simplistic, dope covers a specific subset of "cool." Cool is too broad a definition for this important shit, you can't just have that be your power. Chill is the ability to keep your grasp firmly on the handle of all your shit, fly is your classic retro chill with an added dose of fashion sense, and dope you've got your dude who delivers the realness every damn day of his life.

[gainedlove]

Ohhhhhhh.

...I don't get it. I'm just gonna say you're awesome, is that okay?