Video; Episode 1: the one where swerve gets space bridged

[friendquest]

[The camera is shakey as Swerve tries to get the hang of using it on his wrist, squinting at it through his visor as it clicks on before a small whirring beep sounds off as he realises it's online.]

Eyy! Brilliant! Got this thing working. [he's going to finger guns at the camera with his spare hand] So, hey there crew of the Moira, aka Swearth 2: Return of the emotional trauma! Quester, bartender, and all round awesome guy Swerve at your service. Gotta say, this ship is kinda smaller than the Lost Light--your hallways could use some expanding for us taller guys. I mean, not for me, but you know. Other guys. There are other guys here right? [he waves his hand dismissively, seeming to drift off for a few moments.]

Anyway, off topic, I know. But it's been a while since I've had a captive audience, let alone one with so many organics! I've seen dozens of you squishy buggers! You're everywhere! And that's so cool! I gotta get my holo up and running so I can be one with you.

So, two main things I wanna know:

One, where's the nearest alcoholic establishment, a guy could really use a stiff glass of high grade right about now, and two--or, actually, well this kinda is part of one, since I need to know if you people even know what high grade is or how to distill it and last time this happened I was sort of human so I didn't even need to fuel up with energon, I just ate a fragton of pizza and drank good ol' fashioned beer in a can which was a weird but awesome experience, I can tell you that. Wait, where was I going with this again?

Oh! Right! Energon. You lot know what it is, or am I gonna starve slowly and painfully? And without even getting overcharged. That would be an awful way to go, nobody should have to live out their last moments in life without getting completely wankered. Not that I intend on dying, but you know. You never know what's around the next quantum jump!

[he starts getting distracted, looking off screen at something, and mutters to himself:] Slag, Quantum Leap--do I even still have that data slug on me? Gotta finish that episode before I forge--

[the recording abruptly shuts off as he slips his fingers over the device.]

Comments

video

[knaval]

SWERVE! Swerve? ...Swerve!?

Video;

[friendquest]

[he stares, squinting at the human. It's not a holoform he recognises, which he figures is why this human knows his name.]

I see you've heard of me. [he cracks a winning smile and gives a thumbs up.] I mean, I am an important guy, why wouldn't you know me? Owner of the only bar where you get Swerved, not who found the cure for cybercrosis when he was a bit bored of making up amazing drinks like A Shot In The Shoulder or the Drift that has Nightmare Fuel as one of the components in it. Get it? Because he was a--... Hey wait. How do you know me? I never went to Earth. The real one, anyways.

Re: Video;

[knaval]

I--

You know what? Doesn't matter. I was just... really surprised at your name. When you said it in the video. Swerve? Haha, sounds like a cool guy!

CONTINUED

[harderfasterwrecker]

[From Here.]

[Whirl points with one of those big meaty claws.]

Hey. Don't insult me like that. I just get in trouble if I shoot these squishes.

[Whirl's entire helm tips.]

It's the Ingress's fault. Which is kind of like a briefcase. Only worse. Cause Brainstorm ain't here to fix it. It broke the universe so bad we've got two screamers. And two Bees.

[He gestures broadly around him.]

We're mostly all from the same timeline or whatever. I'm just a bit behind the times is all. Mags is pretty caught up and grumpy about it, so you two will be the best angry buddies.

[Whirl pauses. And then he looks down, and around, and then he begins to fidget with a seam on his arm.]

So. Are we all dead yet?

[friendquest]

Woah, woah woah. Did you say two Screamers? Is this hell? I think this is hell.

[He winces at what Whirl says next, unable to stop his mouth from getting away from him with a:] Not all of us. [and then clenches his fists at either side of his chassis. He doesn't seem like he wants to talk about it.]

video;

[brokeassgoing]

Lemme get this straight, hold on....so you're a giant robot and you take in fuel? Gasoline? Like a car but you also eat whatever Energon is. How the hell'd someone manage that?

...Also what were you hopin' to get outta this gig?

video;

[friendquest]

Okay, first off, the word robot is kinda racist and offensive and you're gonna wanna be careful about throwing that around. Not everybody is as nice a guy as me and won't be as understanding. Energon is fuel. It's kinda bright purple and comes in a little cube.

[he roots around off camera for a moment, digging through his subspace pocket to pull out a small energon cube, which is a clear cube filled with fluorescent pink/purple liquid. As it moves in his large hands, you can see the liquid inside sloshing around.] Like this! If you purify it and distill it you can get overcharged and buzzed off it. It's pretty fun.

This gig? Huh. I didn't think that far ahead yet. I mostly just need to get overcharged and pass out for a few days somewhere but beyond hat, who fragging knows.

video;

[redshitlord]

Dude there's no more bar. Like at all. It poofed.

... also uh. What's a quantum leap?

Re: video;

[friendquest]

[all these humans! He looks delighted. But not so much at the news about the bar. In fact, his faceplate crinkles a little in mild outrage.]

Holy pit, how haven't you guys all murdered each other yet?! If there wasn't a bar on the Lost Light people would've mutinied waaaaaaaay sooner. [ITS FUNNY WHEN YOURE NOT THERE, RIGHT]

--oh, it's a human TV show! About a guy, who's like stuck in a time jump and keeps jumping into different peoples lives and he has to live as them and help them out before he jumps again? It's really weird.

[VIDEO]

[onlytwoexpressions]

Swerve.

Swerve, this is Ultra Magnus speaking.

As happy as I am to see you, I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from...this.

All of this.

[VIDEO]

[friendquest]

Mags! Maggers. The Magman! I was wondering when I'd bump into you! Whirl said you were here.

[hes trying to sound steady, but Magnus would be able to tell that his resolve is wavering, especially knowing that Magnus is from around the same time as he is.]

Refrain from what? I'm just introducing myself! To the organics!

[VIDEO] YOU GET BOTH OF MY DUDES

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Wait wait wait...back up. Hold on. Freeze.

You giant guys drink?

This I have to see.

[video] yesss

[friendquest]

Yeah sure! Some of us drink to get all overcharged and feel like you can wrestle Megatron, and win, some of us drink to help us loosen up, and most of us drink to forget! Gotta love war-time pstd! I'm pretty sure if my bar wasn't a thing on the Lost Light, we would've seen waaaaaay more violence than just a few outbreaks here and there.

audio

[wallride]

There is so much I don't understand about you guys. I have a list of questions, actually.

[OVERDRAMATIC THROAT CLEARING]

What's a holo? What's high grade? You've been human? What does energon look like? I've heard it mentioned before but I am sure I have no idea where you guys keep it.

audio

[friendquest]

[He's laughing.] So, I'm guessing there's more than just Whirl here in whatever the heck this is.

Right. A holo is a type of hologram we can use to project ourselves into. Kind of? It was complicated. I thought I was living as three humans for a while? Like I said: complicated. Enerrrrgon looks like a pink, purplish glowing cube. We generally keep it in our subspace, unless we need it. For refuelling and junk.

video;

[newnova]

Oh man, talking robot.

[ That's... literally all Sam is taking from this message. TL;DR bro. ]

video;

[friendquest]

Oh man, talking organic.

video - sent few days after the post went up

[gentlemenpreferblondes]

[The first thing J does after waking up from CRYO is to go through all network posts to catch up on what all she's missed during the time she had been asleep. And oh, of course there's another wave of new crewmembers. Meaning that there's a pile of work waiting for her in the office.

It doesn't really surprise her anymore that a new robot has arrived. Really, it seems be a trend around the ship]

Oh darn it. You missed the bar. We had one couple months ago but it was destroyed. What a rotten luck, sweetie.

video;

[friendquest]

Who the hell destroys a bar without at least helping to get it back up and running... that aren't my customers? I mean, seriously? How is anyone sane on this damn ship?

[daintylegs]

Swerve!

[GODDAMN TAILGATE IS SO DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU BUDDY.]

Is it really you?

And not, like.

A fake you?

[After a minute Tailgate realizes what he just said.]

I-I mean... like... this place plays tricks on you sometime and I'm totally not referring to...

You know what, let's start over:

Hey Swerve, how's it going?

[friendquest]

[He tries to share in Tailgate's delight, but he just ends up looking tired. He's smiling though, feigning as much of it as he can.]

It's me! [he clangs his chest in case Tailgate was referring to his holoform episode.]

It's going... uh. Well it's going, that's for sure. I'm not exactly sure what this is but I'm rolling with it! It's better than being back home right now.

[taselikeabee]

You know I don't think that the very riveting tales of Beckett is really what you should be concerning yourself with right now, Swerve.

[friendquest]

Bumblebee! I thought you were dead!

[he pauses, squinting.] Wait, are we all dead here?

[asafepairofhands]

Swerve? When did you get here?

[There's a slight pause, and Ratchet's expression shifts unreadably.]

What's the last thing you remember?

video;

[friendquest]

--Woah, no 'Hi Swerve! Welcome to the ship! Here's an easy guide you need to get around! Nice to see you!'? Sure feel welcomed, Ratch.

[he'd been doing mostly okay until this. Seeing people from home is breaking his resolve. Seeing people he knows will press him is breaking it even more.] I don't reallyyy wanna talk about it? Kinda like the last time something like this happened, except I can use other words. Just not ones specifically around that?