thisavrou | [VIDEO] 001

[So, with much effort, the MID starts broadcasting a close up of...well, it's a very green eye.]

Is...Is this thing on? Does the light mean it's on? Please let the light mean that it's on...

[The figure pulls back to reveal...a face! Just a normal face, covered in...soot? Burns? One of his bangs might be on fire.]

Okay, so...first off, I guess I should introduce myself. My name's Darin Altway, Master Blacksmith. I'm new here and I guess my new job is mechanical engineer on the Ingress?

[Darin is pointedly keeping the camera close to his face. He looks nervous.]

So uh...full disclosure? I don't know what an Ingress is. Or half of what these things are.

Most of what these things are.

...Almost all of these things.

And I lost my blacksmith hammer, so I've kind of been making due with the tools on hand and hahaha...so, funny story, you can't just hit things with hammers to make them work? Crazy, right? So...if anyone who knows anything about...uh...any of these gadgets and gizmos could come on down to engineering and give me a crash course in...um... everything, I would really appreciate--

[He's cut off by what sounds like something backfiring and creating a much larger fire.]

GAH!! OW!! HOT!! HOT HOT HO--

[The video ends there.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, not the entire ship! Just one of these...console things! It's contained!

Dude, those are important!

Are you sure it's not going to explode?

I'm pretty sure it's not going to--

[The console behind him starts crackling and popping. Like it's about to explode.]

...Okay, so.

If it were to explode. What would that mean...exactly?

This is purely hypothetical.

... bad things?

Like the whole ship burning? Dude, come on, it's a space ship!

The only ships I'm familiar with are the ones on the damn ocean! Cut me some slack already!!

Look, nothing's gonna explode! It's just a small, contained fi--

[FWOOOM]

...It is a medium, moderately contained blaze.

Nothing to worry about.

Don't just stand there!

Put it out with something!

With what? There's nothing here! I tried blowing on it really hard but that only works on birthday cakes!

[Darin growls in annoyance.]

Look, do you know where I can get some water??

[Because water on an electrical fire is a great plan.]

Use the red foam shooter!

[The fire extinguisher, Sideswipe. That's what its name is.]

They have those, right?

The what?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!! I'M NOT FROM SPACE, DAMMIT!!

Don't yell at me, man! I'm trying to help!

Fine, look.

How about this.

I'll point this MID thing around the room. When you see the red foam shooter, yell 'stop' and I'll try and find it. See? Teamwork.

[Darin proceeds to turn the camera towards the room and slowly pan it around...man, that console is pretty much a towering inferno now.]

Dude! That's not even remotely contained! At all! Even I know tha--

On the other console, there! Go. Use it!

It's contained in the room! Stop nitpicking!

[Darin rushes over and picks up the extinguisher.]

This thing?? How do I use it? Do I throw it at the fire??

I don't know! Pull a tab or something!

There is no tab!

There's a lever and a hose! Do I push the lever?!

Guuuuuh....! Alright, here goes!!

[Darin pulls the lever and foam starts spraying everywhere. Apparently he forgot to actually hold the hose.]

WHAT THE HELL IS IT DOING?!

You have to aim it!

Grab the spray part!

[Darin manages to wrangle the hose and point it at the fire.]

[And slowly but surely, the fire is doused.]

Oh man...phew...that was close...

[Chin in hands. One "eyebrow" raised. Staring at the video feed.]

Yeah. Thanks for almost killing all of us by the way, dude.

It was a small fire! It wasn't going to kill anything!

Dude!

We're on a space ship! Little scrap like that can literally murder us.

Cant you things breathe in space??

You things?

Wow. Dude. That's uncalled for!

I don't know what you are though.

You're just giant metal space golems to me.

Did you ever ask, dude?

...I was kind of busy dealing with a fire? That you were yelling at me for?

So, what are you, anyway? You got a name?

video;

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