video post

[otiosity]

Alright shipmates. I have a very important and deeply philosophical question to ask all of you. It may change your life and rock you to your very core.

[Serious Hawke isn't all that good at being serious. So don't be bad if you assume, just a little bit, that this is a shitpost. Hawke clears her throat dramatically before continuing.]

Let's say you you receive an item. Something like a book or... a computer... read-y thing. And within it's pages it details the future of your life exactly as someone you know experienced it.

Would you read it? Only read the parts that are your past? Or just toss the whole bloody pile of them out garbage chute? Is there any right answer? Is it more dangerous to know your future or to experience it blindly? Questions! Thinky-thoughts! Deep ones.

Which leads me to-

[Hawke shows to the camera a large leather bound book entitled Tale of the Champion and decorated with the Kirkwall City Crest on it. Behind her there are a stack of at least 10 similar books.]

If you would like a copy of the apparently popular book by the somehow incredibly popular author, Varric Tehras, you can hit me up. Look, it's even autographed. Bet that's worth a coin or two. Maybe I'll even sign it so it's double famous. Or perhaps infamous. Which is maybe why the Ingress decided I needed 20 of them.

[She's not gonna sign it. Honestly, she finds this whole thing jacked! But also funny and curious and that's a lot of feelings all at once for Marian Hawke.

Then she reaches down onto the pile of books and pulls out an extremely cute and lace covered bra.]

I'm also giving away this thing for anyone who desperately wants to have the most beautiful bosom on the ship. Sadly, I just don't have the heart to suffer for beauty. I'm a born and true ruffian at heart. Size 32AA.

((ooc; "Tale of the Champion" details the events of Dragon Age II which you can read the short version or the long version of the summary if you want to get a copy/assume you were given a copy by Hawke and ask her questions about it. I'm also open at bowtie or PM if you wanna ask specific questions))

Comments

video;

[sketchycharacter]

If you don't give it to me immediately, we're no longer friends.

[otiosity]

A threat I must submit to.

Where are you?

voice;

[orplasmic]

So someone wrote a book about stuff you haven't lived yet? How's that even work?

video;

[arcreact]

I'm offended you've offered it to the network before giving it to me first thing.

[ HE'S PROBABLY TALKING ABOUT THE BOOK AND NOT THE BRA. Probably. ]

[sketchycharacter]

The classroom. You know, where my job is.

[otiosity]

Oh, right.

Heads up then!

[That's a book. Being lobbed your way.]

[otiosity]

I dunno. It didn't seem like the right size for you. Bit small in the band.

[YOU SET YOURSELF UP FOR THAT ONE.]

[otiosity]

I know you people would joke about it being "magic" but it's less magic and more "the Ingress is a bit of a shit".

Text

[gentlemenpreferblondes]

oh look. Ingress is playing a fortune teller again.

[arcreact]

Alright, hold up.

Are you calling me fat?

[ Do you wanna fuckin FIGHT ]

[otiosity]

And here I thought I was special.

Don't break my heart.

action up in here

[sketchycharacter]

[Nate has quick reflexes and catches it!!! Probably to Hawke's disappointment.]

Hey, you trying to take my head off here? Then who will commiserate with you over bad drinking decisions?

[gentlemenpreferblondes]

youre months late, darling.

but at least this time it was mailed to right person.

[otiosity]

I was just commenting on my own lack of assets. You know self deprecating humor is very popular these days.

[orplasmic]

Sounds kinda nuts. How do you even know if it's real or not? If the big hole in the universe is an asshole maybe it made everything up.

[arcreact]

Nice try. Band size has absolutely nothing to do with endowment, I know my shit.

Now where's my autographed copy?

[otiosity]

Well. It's real up to where I'm at. And Varric always said he wanted to write a book about me. I was "real protagonist material" apparently.

[orplasmic]

Is that a nice way of sayin' you get into trouble a lot?

[otiosity]

Oh well, in that case you could probably stand to start jogging a bit. Just a few days a week.

[OKAY HAVE SOME ACTION NOW. THERE'S A BOOK BEING TOSSED ONTO HIS WORK STATION FROM BEHIND.]

[otiosity]

Exactly on point.

[otiosity]

I was just checking to make sure you're still spry in your older age after the jungle.

[Cheerily.]

I suppose I'd have to make Dorian reanimate your corpse.

[orplasmic]

That what it sounded like. I'd say I'd take a copy but I ain't much of a reader most of the time.

[otiosity]

I'll count that as a blessing from the Maker in and of itself.

[arcreact]

[ It sends tiny metal components scattering all over the place in the process. Hawke's just lucky he's not working on anything that's prone to spontaneous combustion.

He swivels to give her an artfully offended look. ]

... You realize I can fire you at any time, right?

[gentlemenpreferblondes]

oh, youre missing out. nothing as awkward as have someone come and tell you they know your life story and what you should be doing in few years.